When is it too late?

[lil_sunshine]

I feel that anyone can have children as late as they want to as long as:

1. They are set in their careers and can take on the challenge.
2. Their doctors say that they are healthy enough to carry one.
3. THEY ARE MARRIED and it's something that the husband wants also.
4. They have the patience to understand that they will be losing out on a lot of sleep.
5. They also understand that this is a lifetime commitment and they can't give the child back for any reason.
6. THIS IS MOST IMPORTANT: They do this for all of the right reasons.
7. They realize how expensive children can be.

[Aislynn]

I feel that as long as a woman is healthy and married she is never too old to have a baby. I think too many of us go by what others say, and we fall into this belief that having children after 35 is detrimental. I know several woman who had their children before they were 25, and now that we are older they tell me that I'm getting old and I need to go ahead and have children. My response to them is that while they were being single mothers and chainging diapers at 19 years old, I was in college having the time of my life.

[lil_sunshine]

Welcome to Greekchat, Aislynn! I just wanted to tell you that the last four letters of your screen name are the first four letters of my first name! And I'm totally feeling your comment! I'm 24 and I have no children, and most of the girls I knew from elementary, junior high, and high school have at least one child. And they all ask me when I'm going to have some. I tell them, "When I have my own place, I'm married, I'm a lawyer and out of NYS!" I know maybe three or four girls that I can think of right now that don't have kids. One I hang out with sometimes whenever we can, one has a good job in Manhattan and she graduated college, and one just graduated from law school and passed the Bar exam. All them girls that had kids when they were teens are struggling to make ends meet or trying to go back to school to get better jobs. I'm telling you, that short term pleasure isn't worth that long term pain!!! And always remember that YOU and GOD control your destiny, nobody else!

Sorry about the novel I just wrote, but that's the ray of sunshine I wanted to share with you!!!

[korkscru]

Yall go ahead and have ALL of the children that yall want. I'm 32 and I have two children (ages 8 and 2) and I AIN'T HAVING NO MORE (my doctor took care of that IMMEDIATELY after my C-section with my son---TIED, CLIPPED, AND BURNED)!! My baby-making days are OVER (and if they ain't, SOMEBODY is going to get SUED)!!

After having my daughter in 1993 at age 23 (3 weeks before my 24th birthday), I really didn't want anymore children. But my husband, being an only child, wanted our daughter to have a sibling to grow up with. So the decision to have another child was made. BUT... I had to let my husband know that we HAD to have this second baby BEFORE I turned 30. Now my kids are 6 years apart and, as you can see, my son just BARELY made it. He was born the May BEFORE I turned 30.

Just remember KIDS AIN'T NO JOKE!! Sure you'll probably be able to provide food, clothing, shelter, and any other financial necessitiy for them. But...the MENTAL and EMOTIONAL RESPONSIBILITIES are great. Just think, you wait until 35 or 38 to have your FIRST child. Here you'll be 50 or 53 with a 15-year-old. YALL JUST AIN'T HEARING ME---50-53 WITH A 15-YEAR-OLD?!!! I can just IMAGINE how worn out you would be. Shoot, by the time I turn 50, my daughter will be 26 and my son will be 20. Neither will be OUR responsibility any longer. And I'm just loving that because my husband and I are ALREADY looking to be TRAVELING RETIREES. So, MY advice would be to TRY to reconsider having children a little sooner (and I mean BEFORE or BY age 30) because those suckers WILL kick your butt. And I believe that at a younger age, you'll be better able to handle all of their ENERGY. Think about it, at 35 (for women) your body is preparing for "the change", you're starting to really get settled in your career, you haveto deal with your husband and all of HIS CHANGES (LADIES, HUSBANDS SOMETIMES ACT LIKE ONE OF THE CHILDREN). The LAST thing that you probably want to deal with is a brand new baby. Talk about MENTAL BREAKDOWN.

But to each his own. Children ARE most definitely a blessing. But just remember that YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!!

[Aislynn]

I cannot speak for anyone else, but at the age of 23 I was just out of college and the last thing on my mind was marriage and family. My mind was on getting into grad school, my career, etc... I agree KIDS AIN'T NO JOKE!!! If you are a strong person, then you are a strong person, your age should not make a difference. A womans youth does not make her healthier than an older woman, it just makes her younger. Thats all. I come from a mother who had me at 30, my sister at 32, and my little brother at 36. She may have been older than the other mothers while I was growing up, but she was right there.

[korkscru]

And Aislynn, I TOTALLY agree with you. My response, was only to share MY personal experience that is why I wrote to each his own. My opinion is purely that--- an opinion. Nothing more, nothing less. Being 23 and a mother was not a BAD thing for me. As a matter of fact, it made me more focused and more determined (you see, I DO have a B.S. AND M.A.). I consider myself to STILL be a young, vital, energetic, and ambitious woman who just happens to have two children. I don't know if you have children or not, but I'll tell you from MY experience, NO TIME WILL EVER BE THE RIGHT TIME to have children. It's not what you expect no matter WHAT age. It's nothing that you can PREPARE for (that's the reason that I expressed that the EMOTIONAL and MENTAL aspects of raising children is great). Sure it's commendable, right, and smart to be stable in your career and financially stable, but that's not all there is to having children. It goes MUCH, MUCH deeper than that. It's a depth that ONLY a mother can understand.

You wrote that your mother had you and your siblings at ages 30, 32, and 36, right? Well my question is have you ever asked your mother how she felt about having you guys at those ages (forget about the finances, being married, careers, or even health)? Ask her how she felt about the MENTAL and EMOTIONAL aspects of it. Ask her how she felt about the mere RESPONSIBILITY. I ALSO know of women who had their children around the same ages. Seriously sit down with your mother and ask her about that. You MAY be surprised at her response.


And remember we're just sisterfriends probing each other's minds. My advice or opinion is NOT the law. It's just what I feel.

[CkretCrush8]

I don't believe that there is an age range for women to stop having children; however, I can't imagine a woman over 40 having a child. I have no objection to this if the woman is in a good state of mind, financially stable, and physically healthy.

My dream was to get married at 23/24 and have my children I definitely want my children AFTER I'm settled in my house, advancing in my career, and definitely being blessed beyond anything that I can humanely imagine within my ministry.

I don't want to have another child because I want to be able to enjoy my 40's and beyond with my kids being able to take care of themselves.

This is where my thinking is...I want my child(ren) to be able to take care of themselves while my husband and I chill out.

[Aislynn]

Hey again Korkscru,
I have spoken to my mother about this on seveal occasions. My mother got married when she was 22 years old and my father was 25. I have asked both of them why they waited 8 years to begin a family, and their responses did surprise me. They said that they wanted to build on their relationship as husband and wife. At first, I did not understand, but they explained that they had been together as b-friend and g-friend for three years and living apart. They wanted a little time as husand and wife without children. My mother said that she was also in graduate school at the time and could not have imagined having children at that point in her life. As far as the mental and emotional aspect, my mother believes that it worked out best that she had us when she did. On the flip side though, my auntie (mamma's sister) shares your point of view. She was married at 20 and had her children by the time she was 24. I can respect both sides of the issue, but I tend to agree with my mother. However, I am positive if my auntie gave birth to me, I'd share her opinion. I t

p.s. I like this discussion...keep it going.

[Rain Man]

Originally posted by MS.REVLON
When is it too late for a women to have a child?

The answer is:

When a young, saved, 20something Christian man like myself attends a singles fellowship outing, and all the 30something women keeps approaching me trying to get their holla on knowin' good n' well they are too old for me.

4 real. They ask me questions like, "Didn't I go to high school with you?" and when I hear the year they graduated, I wind up replying with, "When you graduated high school, I was graduating from kindergarten (or elementary school)."

Yeah, they wanted to hook up to a young buck, I know what's up.
LOL!!!!

I won't say that their biological clock is ticking, but let's say I saw Harold Lloyd hanging off the minute hand. 'Nuff said.

RM

[korkscru]

Yes, Aislynn, women have MANY issues to deal with as far as our "child-bearing" years are concerned (not to mention all of the other women's health issues). I CAN say one thing though. IT'S UP TO US TO MAKE THAT FINAL DECISION. I am happy that I made a CONSCEIOUS (sp?) decision to space my children apart. Honey, I was on the pill for 5 and a half years BEFORE I had my daughter and I was on the Depo shots 5 years BEFORE I had my son (now THAT'S family planning ). So I agree that that the excuse that young girls use nowadays--- "getting pregnant by MISTAKE"---is BOGUS. With all of the contraceptives out there, there should be NO EXCUSES. I always remembered what my Mama told me--Nowadays you get pregnant because you WANT to.

Now don't get me wrong. When I say have babies before or by age 30, I don't mean at age 15-20. I mean more around 23-30, especially if you want more than one.

Nevertheless, it's something that each person (woman) has to decide. And like I said before, TO EACH HIS (or should I say HER) OWN.