Finding your place

[VandalSquirrel]

Originally Posted by chickenoodle

That is my point. I'm not saying that someone who is in a sorority should not be involved in things outside of her organization. I'm saying that she should spend her new member period building relationships with her pledge class and other members. Get involved on a project within the sorority, go to events with the other girls, etc.

I think it would be foolish to limit your friends to those who are in the same sorority or even in the Greek system. I also think it would be foolish to not get involved somewhere on campus.

How do you know if your niche is not in your sorority if you don't take the time to look for it?

You also said to wait a semester, and as I said, I disagree. Now I am using my own campus as a reference point, and I believe we're talking about the other UW where freshmen do not move in on bid day, like at my school, but if a woman is living in the chapter it is quite different than living in a dorm. However the structure of new member programs both by the sorority and the local Panhellenic have many activities that have the new members together, as well as with older members.

If someone wants a place to fit in, and for whatever reason it is not 100% with the sorority (and in my opinion it shouldn't be) there is no good reason to not be involved in something else and to wait. Sorority relationships and campus identity cannot be forced or happen overnight. For many a faith group is a way to feel at home and connected, a club within a major is a way to meet your classmates in you history 100 lecture class with 500 other people and see a friendly face and have a buddy to share notes with or study for an exam. Those little things enhance the college and sorority experience, not detract from it.

[BlueCarnation]

Originally Posted by AOEforme

This is a really normal thing at UW. I was terrified for the first two months that I would never ever feel at home in Madison. Now, I'm almost done and I don't want to leave.

My advice:

* Tell her to try and bond with the girls in her house, if she's in the dorms. I loved being able to come back to my room and just have other girls pop in and out. It made my dorm feel like a home, rather than a room.

* We have an insane number of student organizations here. I hope she went to the Info Fair and the Kohl Center last week. If not, tell her to go to http://cfli.wisc.edu/ and just browse through the hundreds of student groups. She should be able to find a small one that fits her perfectly.

* The Greek Community here also has a lot of opportunities to get involved and she should take advantage of those.

* Finally, she should just give it time. It won't happen overnight. As she gets used to her new chapter, it will ground her at UW. (At least, that's what happened to me. It took a while- I didn't really feel at home in my chapter until second semester, but once I did, I felt very at home here!) She'll make friends who will become just like family to her- both in and out of her chapter.

I wish her luck and you can PM me if you have any other questions.

This is excellent advice! A school this big does take time to get used to. Her sorority will be getting involved in things like Homecoming, Halloween activities, and other things, and getting involved in these things will allow her to get to know members of her sorority as well as other Greek members. She has joined a great sorority, and just needs to seek other girls out. I went to a large school myself, and although I ended up being "Susie Sorority," I hated it the first few months because I was so overwhelmed and homesick. I then decided to just get to know as many people as I could and get involved in everything that sounded fun, and it was the best thing I could have done. Finally, I found that simple things like keeping my dorm room open when I was home let people know that I was looking to meet people. If people think you are open to meeting new people and doing things, they will look for you when they are going to eat, going to football games, etc. It will get better. It just takes time. Good luck to her.

[HappyKappaMom]

My daughter also got involved with the mundane sorority things. The older girls really appreciated the help with nametags, stuffing goody bags, posters etc. And frequently after the work was done, they would invite her along for pizza, coffee, whatever, and she began to connect.

[RhoGamma09]

Originally Posted by ClemsonMom

My daughter also is a new pledge in a pledge class of 51 girls. Back in the olden days when I pledged (different sorority) there were 7 of us. The sorority made us do EVERYTHING togeher during our pledge period. We had scavenger hunts, parties, lunches, etc. The actives also took us to fraternities and introduced us and showed us off. As a result we became very close and remained close even after college. But, my daughter hasn't even met all the girls in her pledge class. In fact, I told her there were 51 girls (read it in GC). She didn't even know how many girls were in her class. It has now been about 3 weeks and she has still only met a few of them. She meets a few more each week but after all the passion and excitement of recruitment this seems so anticlimatic. Don't sororities have structured pledge activities anymore so that the pledge sisters can bond with each and get to know the actives. Don't they still set up mixers with the fraternities to "show off" their new girls? My daughter iikes her new sorority but her experience is so far from mine. Am I hopelessly outdated or is this just how things work at large southern sororities? (I went to a northern school and my sorority was about 1/3 the size of hers)

Youre not outdated, my own experience is with a smaller pledge class (at my time, we were considered HUGE and there was 19 in my pledge class lol) We had events, and activities, and we planned things together. We had bonding experiences, but you know, there are only certain people out of that 19 that I really bonded with, so I think with every pledge class, its different.

She should definitely start taking note of people she likes when shes at meeting/sorority events, and just start seeing what they're doing, maybe get lunch, maybe go out to a movie. Its hard, but just saying "Hey, lets get lunch together" totally changes things, it takes a little bravery though!

And definately, encourage her to get on a committee for an event or something. Or at she should be signing up for and fundraisers or philanthropy events as much as she can, if she doesnt feel like shes really getting invited out to go have fun or movie nights or whatever, she can make bonds during events, and usually at those things people go "Hey, lets do something after this!"

Tell her not to worry, after the excitement of bid day, (or event after a girl is initiated and the fun new member period is over) it can suddenly turn very anticlimatic, but the issue is, suddenly the girls have to work very hard to get themselves established with friends. You probably understand, girls cant be friends with everyone in their sorority, they have to take it upon themselves to find their specific group....and its difficult!

Best of luck to her!

[crescent&pearls]

I've got a new college freshman at a large university too. There's definitely a period of adjustment...but here's some of the thoughts I shared with my little darlin', and I hope it helps others.

In order to connect with people sometimes you have to de-connect yourself.

Do you answer your cell phone while having a conversation with the person in front of you?

Do you spend your free time checking facebook or twitters to see what your hometown friends are doing?

Do you you sit in meeting texting your boyfriend/girlfriend/best bud/roommate/ cousin etc.?

When someone asks you if you can come to this event or that one, do you have a million reasons why you can't be there...going on a date, going home for the HS football game, your 6 year old niece's birthday party...bla bla bla.

Get busy and make yourself available to meet and actually do things with your new college sisters or brothers. Say yes when invited! Ask if you can tag along if you don't get a direct invite. Balance your responsibilities between study, work etc. and put yourself out there a little. It will be worth the effort!!!

[ComradesTrue]

Originally Posted by crescent&pearls

I've got a new college freshman at a large university too. There's definitely a period of adjustment...but here's some of the thoughts I shared with my little darlin', and I hope it helps others.

In order to connect with people sometimes you have to de-connect yourself.

Do you answer your cell phone while having a conversation with the person in front of you?

Do you spend your free time checking facebook or twitters to see what your hometown friends are doing?

Do you you sit in meeting texting your boyfriend/girlfriend/best bud/roommate/ cousin etc.?

When someone asks you if you can come to this event or that one, do you have a million reasons why you can't be there...going on a date, going home for the HS football game, your 6 year old niece's birthday party...bla bla bla.

Get busy and make yourself available to meet and actually do things with your new college sisters or brothers. Say yes when invited! Ask if you can tag along if you don't get a direct invite. Balance your responsibilities between study, work etc. and put yourself out there a little. It will be worth the effort!!!

Quoting because this is excellent advice and these things just can't be said enough.

Thank you.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by crescent&pearls

I've got a new college freshman at a large university too. There's definitely a period of adjustment...but here's some of the thoughts I shared with my little darlin', and I hope it helps others.

In order to connect with people sometimes you have to de-connect yourself.

Do you answer your cell phone while having a conversation with the person in front of you?

Do you spend your free time checking facebook or twitters to see what your hometown friends are doing?

Do you you sit in meeting texting your boyfriend/girlfriend/best bud/roommate/ cousin etc.?

When someone asks you if you can come to this event or that one, do you have a million reasons why you can't be there...going on a date, going home for the HS football game, your 6 year old niece's birthday party...bla bla bla.

THIS x1000.

Seriously.

This is great advice for every freshman sorority member.

I went to a school where the "home every weekend" thing was pretty common.

Family and friends from home are great, but if you are off campus by 3 every Friday and don't return until you absolutely have to on Sunday, you are NOT going to develop relationships with your sisters.

If you haven't missed a HS game since college started, I bet Suzie and Jenny who are still in HS will really be ok if you don't come home for the big rivalry game because you have your first mixer that weekend. Really.