Previously released pnms

[texas*princess]

Originally Posted by JustCurious20

Thanks for all the kind words-i mean i've faced rejection before..but its usually so concrete, such as you didnt make cheerleading this year bc your front hand spring was off or your toe touch was sloppy. That way your like okay, I'll work on that and make it next year. Constructive criticism. My major mental breakdown moment with rush was that I felt like this was a 360 examination- my hair, grades, clothes, friends, reputations, extracurriculars, etc. etc. I felt like these groups thought, well on an overall level..your just not good enough so we're going to cut you as quickly as possible (1st round). Its hard to try to improve when all you can think is wow, everything is wrong with me.

It is a 360 examination.
And just because you were cut doesn't necessarily mean you are a terrible person and you have all kinds of stuff wrong with you.

No one can really tell you (on this board or otherwise) what went wrong. Maybe you really did have stellar grades and extra currics and community service, but a LOT of other people going through recruitment have the SAME THINGS.

People get lost through the cracks sometimes b/c of the release figures. It happens all of the time.

My boyfriend told me he'd break up with me if I rushed when I was a freshman. So I didn't. Then I rush as a sophomore and this happens. Now I'm going on as a junior. I know quite a few sweet, nice girls.. I've made it a point even to befriend greek women and ask the friends I've had since before college for their advice. I'm trying so hard..

That sucks that you potentially missed a great experience as a freshman b/c of your jerk boyfriend. Personally, someone who gives you ultimatums like that aren't worth being with anyway.

It's possible that even as a Sophomore you were cut hard because of your class standing, and you need to prepare yourself for that again next year if you plan to rush again as a Junior.

I have a question. If I have a stellar gpa, should I even bring it up? Someone told me I may have gotten cut because I had a hard major and a good gpa. I dont see how this could be bad? But I dont know..thats just who I am, thats whats important to me. Another question-are girls looked down upon who re-rush? Will they wonder whats wrong with me and be confused as to why I'm still trying to get a bid? I don't want to look desperate or be "that" girl.

If you are going to dumb yourself down to get into a sorority (a plan that likely won't work) you probably have some deeper issues that you need to deal with before thinking about rushing again.

I think generally there are women who remember pnms that went through the year before.

Also, you mentioned previously that you went through rush but "weren't happy with the results" -- is that because you dropped out? Or were you dropped by all houses?

[JustCurious20]

If they ask, how do I even explain consisely why I'm re-rushing? Also, I know this is really random but..the last day of recruitment I went to I wore these shorts and a polo. I feel like my shorts might have been slightly too short. Not ridiculous, but maybe slightly. I was also too tan..but it wasnt fake. I worked on the beach an entire summer. Could that have been a turn off? Does that stuff even really matter much?

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by JustCurious20

I have a question. If I have a stellar gpa, should I even bring it up? Someone told me I may have gotten cut because I had a hard major and a good gpa. I dont see how this could be bad? But I dont know..thats just who I am, thats whats important to me. Another question-are girls looked down upon who re-rush? Will they wonder whats wrong with me and be confused as to why I'm still trying to get a bid? I don't want to look desperate or be "that" girl.

The attitude toward girls who re-rush depends on your school. At some schools, it's not looked at weirdly. At others, it is. I'm sure some girls will wonder why you're rushing again.

In terms of your grades, again, we can't really say why you were cut. But if your GPA is pretty high, that's probably not the reason.

Originally Posted by JustCurious20

If they ask, how do I even explain consisely why I'm re-rushing? Also, I know this is really random but..the last day of recruitment I went to I wore these shorts and a polo. I feel like my shorts might have been slightly too short. Not ridiculous, but maybe slightly. I was also too tan..but it wasnt fake. I worked on the beach an entire summer. Could that have been a turn off? Does that stuff even really matter much?

If asked, be honest. Some girls will probably already know that you were released last fall.

In terms of your shorts, if they were REALLY short, it may have raised an eyebrow, and so could your tan. There could be any number of reasons why you were released. We will never know.

I highly suggest reading this thread: http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...light=released

[JustCurious20]

well technically i dropped out myself. But I did so when I was dropped by all the houses but 1. I didnt think the lone house was a good fit..and so I left in tears. I really want to be in a sorority. I'm thinking seriously about rushing again..i just dont want to make myself look pathetic or anything. I know a lot of girls in the various houses (like 2-3 in each instead of a lot in just a few..which doesnt really work out I dont think)..and I dont want those girls to think 'god, just give it up already...' ahh. advice?

[texas*princess]

Originally Posted by JustCurious20

well technically i dropped out myself. But I did so when I was dropped by all the houses but 1. I didnt think the lone house was a good fit..and so I left in tears. I really want to be in a sorority.

OK, so you said you dropped out of recruitment because you were dropped by all but 1 house that you felt wasn't a good fit for whatever reason.

I know that recruitment can be hard - but it just seems to me like you were set on certain groups because of the statements above and because you asked about specific sororities in your original post.

I think if you REALLY wanted to be in a sorority, you would have at least stayed with recruitment and gave that house a shot. Sometimes it's hard to form correct opinions of the houses in short 30-minute recruitment events. There have been a zillion stories in these boards about girls who got bids to houses they weren't sure about and ended up loooooooving their house & sisters & experiences.

Originally Posted by JustCurious20

Thanks for the advice.. I figured nobbody could say anything definitively. Its just I went through rush and wasnt happy with the results and I honestly think that if I went through it again I would accept any bid offered regardless of if it was a 'top house'

So if next year's rush turned out like this years (dropped by all but that 1 house) would you accept a bid there or at least finish recruitment?

Just asking b/c if that were to happen, you need to be prepared for that

[JustCurious20]

i know this is yet again, random..but what length in shorts is considered appropriate? (the mediator I think mentioned they might have been too short which might have been an issue). Should I not wear flip flops (such as rainbows)? And most importantly, should I not directly bring up my GPA when asked about my major? Also, if I know someone in the house and the conversation begins to feel like its slowing down..should I not mention the person I know? Bc i did that and the girl was instantly like "oh here I'll go get her so you can say hi"..it seemed awkward almost..like I shouldnt be talking to or mentioning someone I know already. I also went into a lot of detail on my application saying how I love social activities and volunteering..am very amiable etc. Should I keep it simple and leave all that stuff off?

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by JustCurious20

well technically i dropped out myself. But I did so when I was dropped by all the houses but 1. I didnt think the lone house was a good fit..and so I left in tears. I really want to be in a sorority. I'm thinking seriously about rushing again..i just dont want to make myself look pathetic or anything. I know a lot of girls in the various houses (like 2-3 in each instead of a lot in just a few..which doesnt really work out I dont think)..and I dont want those girls to think 'god, just give it up already...' ahh. advice?

Understand that if you were released by all but one chapter last year, that there's a chance that the SAME thing could happen next year. You could even be dropped by ALL of them. Just understand that rushing again doesn't always equal a better result the second time around.

To be quite honest, this depends on the attitude of the women at your school. Some people might stigmatize you for having rushed last year, and some might not. There's no real way to change that or get around that.

Originally Posted by JustCurious20

i know this is yet again, random..but what length in shorts is considered appropriate? (the mediator I think mentioned they might have been too short which might have been an issue). Should I not wear flip flops (such as rainbows)? And most importantly, should I not directly bring up my GPA when asked about my major? Also, if I know someone in the house and the conversation begins to feel like its slowing down..should I not mention the person I know? Bc i did that and the girl was instantly like "oh here I'll go get her so you can say hi"..it seemed awkward almost..like I shouldnt be talking to or mentioning someone I know already. I also went into a lot of detail on my application saying how I love social activities and volunteering..am very amiable etc. Should I keep it simple and leave all that stuff off?

The sororities will already know your GPA from your application without you having to talk about it.

Whether flip flops are appropriate depends on your school.

To be honest, I don't really think it's a good idea to "name drop" during recruitment. It's annoying. I mean, if a girl is a chapter, chances are good that the girl you're talking to knows her.

Activities are good to put on your app if you have any.

[JustCurious20]

would you consider honor societies an activity? I think that may be part of the problem..too few activities since high school

[JustCurious20]

sorry forgot something. is it looked at weirdly if you tap the girls knee your talking to while talking (not weirdly, just like I use my hands when I talk and I think I said something like "oh my god I know.." and tapped my hand on her knee for like..ehh emphasis I guess). I know they arent supposed to touch you.. so i was curious. Also, is it bad to talk about silly things. I kept relating to girls about topics like cheese cake and celebrity gossip magazine things and silly stuff..but stuff they seemed really interested (like genuinely, not the whole "scripted" interest).

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by JustCurious20

would you consider honor societies an activity? I think that may be part of the problem..too few activities since high school

Honor societies count. However, having TONS of activities is great, but that's generally not the MOST important part of recruitment.

Originally Posted by JustCurious20

sorry forgot something. is it looked at weirdly if you tap the girls knee your talking to while talking (not weirdly, just like I use my hands when I talk and I think I said something like "oh my god I know.." and tapped my hand on her knee for like..ehh emphasis I guess). I know they arent supposed to touch you.. so i was curious. Also, is it bad to talk about silly things. I kept relating to girls about topics like cheese cake and celebrity gossip magazine things and silly stuff..but stuff they seemed really interested (like genuinely, not the whole "scripted" interest).

I don't know about touching. That depends on the individual person. Some people are weirded out by being touched by strangers in ANY situation.

In terms of conversation, talking about silly things in itself isn't bad. Members don't want to have scripted and serious conversations all the time in recruitment. Conversation is one of the most important parts of recruitment. A girl can be amazing with GPA, activities and such on paper, but if she can't hold a conversation, she's probably not going to get a bid.

I suggest reading this thread about conversation and recruitment: http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...t=conversation

[Fleur de Lis]

I suggest you get to know the sorority women that you have met. They will be able to give you more concrete advice about recruitment and expectations for an upperclassman. They may even be able to give you some insight on why you were cut before.

Honestly, your posts come off a little bit desperate - letting a boy influence your choices, no extracurriculars but reeeeally wanting to be in a sorority, stressing if you are too tan/gpa is too high, etc. Try to spend the summer (and fall if this is deferred recruitment) figuring out who you are and what you want to get out of college. Joining a sorority won't fix your problems - if anything it will bring out your insecurities, etc. However, it can be a wonderful experience if your expectations are realistic. Continue trying to meet sorority women to make friends anyways, and they may be able to help you in the next recruitment. Good luck!

[kiteflyersmom]

Fleur brings up some important points.

Finding out what you want out of your college experience (and life) is something you need to do. Also, it sounds like you are trying too hard and over-thinking everything. Just be yourself and stop thinking about what everyone else wants or what they are thinking. You will also come across as more self-assured and not insecure. The foregoing advice is based on life experience and has nothing to do with sororities.

Also, (and this is advice I would give emphatically to my own daughter) NEVER make major decisions based on a boyfriend. Save that for the people to whom you will be committed to for life. You sacrifice for your children, husband, etc. Save this type of sacrific for later on in life. That was unfair of your boyfriend to make such a demand. However, we all live and learn painful lessons as we go.

If your depression does not subside, please, please get help.

[gee_ess]

I would like to add to this thread by bringing up the issue of the OP's year in school. Depending on the campus, going through recruitment as a junior can be very difficult. Further, depending on the campus, her sophomore status could have very likely been the factor that hurt her the worst during recruitment.


P.S. Kudos, KSUViolet06, for your very helpful comments to the OP.

[JustCurious20]

I'm not sure how to get your quotes on here but in reply to texas princess, yes i would accept a bid I was offered regardless of what it happened to be ("top" choice or not). I should have done that last year; they deserved a chance. I was being snobby and it was dumb...

In response to fleur de lis... I dont feel "desperate".. my whole issue is that I wasnt sure if certain things were even important to the process (being tan, extracurriculars, etc).. I just wanted to see exactly how much weight each of these facets held. No exact answers, but opinions I guess. I'm not trying to "fix all my problems".
This is how I look at it:
I missed out on something great because I allowed myself to be controlled by my boyfriend (a guy I had been dating since I was in middle school, ridiculous i know). I made a terrible mistake and ever since that moment I've felt deep regret. I hate regret. I'd rather make a fool out of myself than feel regret about something. I decided to rush and for some crazy reason I decided all of the sudden that there was no way in hell I wouldnt get a bid to a "top" house. I'm not sure why I felt this insurgence of confidence but for some reason I did. All of this just made the rejection unbearable...I built myself up, made myself fall hard. I screwed up not giving the house that didnt reject me a chance.

I keep thinking..dont rush again, you'll be seen as "desperate" and people will wonder why you didnt get a bid last time/what happened/etc... then I think about like 15 years down the road when I'm older..am I going to wonder what would have happened? Will I even care.. well just in case I do, I think I'm gonna give it another shot. Someone posted above that I was over analyzing/over thinking this and I think they're right. I always do that...ha and I guess its not the best thing. Hopefully it will work out..

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by JustCurious20

I keep thinking..dont rush again, you'll be seen as "desperate" and people will wonder why you didnt get a bid last time/what happened/etc... then I think about like 15 years down the road when I'm older..am I going to wonder what would have happened? Will I even care.. well just in case I do, I think I'm gonna give it another shot. Someone posted above that I was over analyzing/over thinking this and I think they're right. I always do that...ha and I guess its not the best thing. Hopefully it will work out..

Only you know whether this is something you'll regret or not.

I always look at it like this:

If you don't try again, you'll never know.

You have nothing to lose by trying again and seeing what happens, especially if you're regretting dropping out last year.