How can I up my chances

[APhiAnna]

Just be aware that ABC and DEF are likely two sororities that EVERY freshman is obsessed with and convinced that they have a shot at. Best case scenario? You end up in one of those two. But the danger of deferred rush, especially at a school like Vandy where everybody has a good GPA and is involved on campus, is that most of your peers likely are trying to work their way into the same two sororities. Look around at ALL the houses and try to see the best in them. Your competition will likely be stiff. We can't tell you what those sororities want.

[honeychile]

vandycandy, please do not take this personally, but if you really want to up your chances:

1) Change your user profile.
2) Delete 99% of your current posts in this thread. The very sisters you want to impress may be reading this and shaking their heads.
3) Work on your GPA, so you can really shine next term.

Good luck!

[gtdxeric]

Kind of off topic, but what does "hooking up" actually mean? I've heard people say it encompasses anything from kissing on up, and other people say it's just a polite way of saying "having sex". Thoughts?

[When Doves Cry]

Originally Posted by gtdxeric

Kind of off topic, but what does "hooking up" actually mean? I've heard people say it encompasses anything from kissing on up, and other people say it's just a polite way of saying "having sex". Thoughts?

from what I hear:
in high school, it was just making out & other stuff (which can include sex)
in college, it's sex. making out is baby stuff

[angels&angles]

on hooking up:
around here (VA), it can include just making out, but it usually means more. For me, it's the move. Like, if a girl is hitting it off with someone and they go to his or her room (or anywhere, really), then it's hooking up (even if they just make out, for whatever reason). If they just make out on a couch and then don't go anywhere, that doesn't really count.

But that's just how I see it (because my friends and I don't have a lot of sex, but we do still "hook up"). I think "Hooking up" is most often anything in between makeout and sex.

[APhiAnna]

One of my friends went to a school with deferred rush and was the "total package" so to speak...looks, grades, personality, GPA, recs, all that. The most competitive sorority on her campus was obsessed with her and dirty rushed her to no end. They would always call her up to party with the sisters, bid promised, all that good stuff. They were fighting the other sororities away to try to get this girl.

Guess what? One night she got wasted with the sisters as usual...but this time she made-out with a sister's crush (she didn't even know the sister was interested in this guy!). No sex, just making out at a public party. Whoops. Anyways the sister flipped out and got in a huge fight with her. Not only did that chapter stop calling her, but other chapters took a step back. She was dropped first night by this chapter and some of the other competitive ones that had been seeking her out.

Moral of the story? Even if they are throwing booze and guys at you, tread with caution...don't be the "party pooper" but be very much aware that so much can go wrong even when so much is "going right".

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by APhiAnna

Guess what? One night she got wasted with the sisters as usual...but this time she made-out with a sister's crush (she didn't even know the sister was interested in this guy!). No sex, just making out at a public party. Whoops. Anyways the sister flipped out and got in a huge fight with her. Not only did that chapter stop calling her, but other chapters took a step back. She was dropped first night by this chapter and some of the other competitive ones that had been seeking her out.

Moral of the story? Even if they are throwing booze and guys at you, tread with caution...don't be the "party pooper" but be very much aware that so much can go wrong even when so much is "going right".

Amen. I don't go to a deferred school, but I have seen the same things happen with girls. Girls can be catty/dramatic, and even moreso when drinking and boys are involved.

It doesn't take much either. You're out with the ABCs, and a guy that Ashley ABC really likes dances with you and you talk to him. Problem. You may not even know that she likes him, but it's still drama enough for her to decide she doesn't want you in ABC.

Or you're both drunk and you accidentally spill your drink on an ABCs shirt. It's not like you're sober and it's no big deal, but you're drunk so there's potential for "OMG my shirt is wet and I'm drunk and dramatic!" to get started. That's the worst because it doesn't make any sense, but it's still drama enough for one of them to think twice about you during recruitment.

Or one time you guys go out and YOU just happen to get more drunk than the other girls and you maybe do/say something dumb. Or you get wasted and puke in one of their cars or in their apt./dorm. Again, it might not seem like a big deal, but that's enough to make one of them think "do we really want this girl?"

[APhiAnna]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Again, it might not seem like a big deal, but that's enough to make one of them think "do we really want this girl?"

True...let's face it, we all had those nights that, if it had happened before recruitment, would have made our sisters think that. But it IS a balance between "not partying" and not being seen as anti-social. Don't be "that girl", and watch what parties you attend, but make sure you are seen as social in other ways. Nobody wants the "lush who makes out with anybody in sight and wears a sequined tube top everynight" girl, but they probably don't want "shut-in-room watching old Mary Kate & Ashley videos and devouring Ben & Jerry's every night while her dormmates are having fun" girl either. Not that Mary Kate & Ashley aren't awesome, but you catch my drift.

[anonymouse42]

I agree with all of the warnings about the potential pitfalls of partying with the sorority you want to be in. I don’t think you necessarily need to avoid it entirely, but be rather conservative when you do — only have one or two (not very strong) drinks, if you drink at all, and don’t hook up with anyone. It’s easy to have fun and be fun without risking starting drama by getting to drunk or kissing the wrong boy.

Also keep in mind that even if you have friends who think you will be great in one sorority, not every sister feels that way, especially if you’ve been spending a fair amount of time with the group.

For example, my society does very informal rush, including letting people party with us. There was one girl who some of my closest friends and I really loved; she seemed to fit right in. I was convinced we would ask her to join…until I started talking to some of my other sibs. She had come to some of our parties and made out with a number of guys. It didn’t bother me because I liked her so much, but a lot of other members were bothered by it. Plus it turns out they thought she was kind of annoying, anyway. She didn’t get a bid.

Fortunately, I hadn’t said anything to her about how I felt about her, but if I had, she would have thought she was a shoe in, because that’s what I thought (which is why we strongly discourage members from saying anything other than “the selection process is complicated, I don’t know what will happen” if anyone asks…). I’m sure everyone here has stories about their rush crush who didn’t get asked for one reason or another, even when they thought that girl was awesome and a perfect fit. So, there's really no garentee until you have a bid in your hand. I really agree that you shouldn't get your heart set on only one or two groups yet.

Also, I really can't stress the not getting wildley drunk part enough. My chapter is fairly laid back and will normally forgive someone one or two embarrassing drunken incidents, but even with us, if it is a repeated problem, or if what they do when they get drunk crosses a line (becoming belligerent), than that is definitely a reason someone won’t be getting a bid.

Originally Posted by vandycandy

I'm kind of worried after what you said, basket, because I have hooked up with a few guys here (but have not slept with anyone and by no means have "gotten around" like so many girls here. Also I knew all the guys before I hooked up with them- I didn't just meet them playing beirut or dancing that night!). I'm afraid that could hurt my chances of being respected and getting in. Also, I have been at parties with girls in ABC where we were ALL drinking so that's cool, right? I feel like those could be the only 2 things in my way...

Truthfully, some girls are just plain catty, petty bitches...who may use the drinking and boys against you if they don't like you.

You can't change what you did, but it's probably best to avoid booze and boys like the plague...at least until after recruitment is over.

Be very careful with the drinking as well, especially if you're an underage freshman.

[WinniBug]

Originally Posted by OTW

Be very careful with the drinking as well, especially if you're an underage freshman.

You might end up getting picked up by my hubby or one of his buddies in their nifty black and white Chargers

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by vandycandy

I'm kind of worried after what you said, basket, because I have hooked up with a few guys here (but have not slept with anyone and by no means have "gotten around" like so many girls here. Also I knew all the guys before I hooked up with them- I didn't just meet them playing beirut or dancing that night!). I'm afraid that could hurt my chances of being respected and getting in. Also, I have been at parties with girls in ABC where we were ALL drinking so that's cool, right? I feel like those could be the only 2 things in my way...

Hooking up in itself is not the issue. The issue arises when it GETS AROUND that you hooked up with people. It's an even bigger issue if the guys know alot of sorority women or are in fraternities themselves.

It's hard to explain, but the act itself isn't a problem, it's what people say/rumors about it that cause problems with recruitment. All it takes is one misunderstanding or something for a rumor to get started.

And as far as drinking, I really would keep a low profile when doing so. I would suggest NOT drinking with sorority girls at all. It's a slippery slope. All it takes is one time for you to go out, have too much to drink, and make a scene for them to be like "OMG vandycandy was being a ridiculous drunk scene."

[KSUViolet06]

I was trying to explain the hooking up issue, but there a multiple situations in which hooking up can affect recruitment:

These are just the ones I can think of, but I am sure there are tons more. And yes, I've actually seen this stuff happen and ruin girls' recruitment chances and they end up without a bid.


*You hook up with a guy, there's some drama, and he decides to not like you. He then tells everybody you're a skank, then they tell some sorority girls the same thing.

*Girls in ABC (or another sorority) find out you hooked up with these guys, and they decide that you're a skank because of it.

*The guys you hooked up with have hooked with ABCs in the past.

*You hook up with a guy who is in a fraternity, he tells all of his brothers you're a skank, then they tell all their sorority girl friends.

*Worst case: You hook up with a sorority members' bf/or guy that she likes. Big problem because she will tell everybody you're a skank.

As far as drinking with ABCs (or any other sorority members), you might think that drinking and hanging with them will work in your favor. But all it takes is one drunken misunderstanding or drama between them to affect recruitment.

Examples:

*You're drinking with ABCs and you just happen to get too drunk and make a drunken scene of yourself. Even if they're drinking too, they could still be like "OMG did you see vandycandy?"

*You get drunk and kiss/talk to/hook up with a guy an ABC likes. Big problem there.

*They invite other ABCs (who don't know you) out, and you offend them in some way (which is easy to to do when drinking). Or they just decide not to like you (which girls do).

*You get into a drunken misunderstanding with an ABC or any other sorority member, who makes a scene. You might not think it's a big deal, but it could potentially start drama. With girls, something like accidentally spilling your drink on someone is enough to cause drama.

*You get drunk and start being all "OMG I sooo love ABC and I can't wait get in." You might think it's cool and that they love you, but they won't if you start this type of stuff when drinking. They'll just think you're a creepo.

*They stop being friends with you and they tell all of their sisters you're a lush and you're one of those party girls they don't want.

*They tell their friends in other sororities that you're a lush and that you're one of "those girls."

*Girls in OTHER sororities see you out, think you only want to join ABC (or that you're a lush) and write you off completely. This might not seem like big deal to you, but it could become one should ABC not invite you back at some point.


As you can see, the possibilities are ENDLESS. This is why we tell girls to keep a low profile and not go out and drink. Too many things can cause drama and mess things up for them. This is DOUBLE true for schools with January recruitment because alot of judgement is passed on girls based on what happens during first semester.

[MTSUGURL]

Can I be real honest? I'm imagining you're saying yes because i'm just gonna be. I could ask just a couple of vague questions and know who you are if I net you during recruitment. I know we keep saying "discretion!" but it cannot be over emphasized. Not many girls are above hooking up with a few guys, or even talking about said hookups with friends. However, I would be cautious and quiet with that area of my social life until recruitment is all done. People talk.

[FSUZeta]

i always thought hooking up was having random sex; with a guy that you just met that night; someone you have not dated.

vandycandy, it sounds like you may have stepped a little out of bounds for someone who will be rushing winter semester, but it is just past midterm right now, so if you start laying low (unless you made a huge spectacle of yourself at a party or elsewhere in public) you will probably be alright. just wait to go out and party after recruitment.

double standard it might be, but that is the way it works.