Boyfriend Question (please help)

[luvdrunk]

Originally Posted by WVU alpha phi

He sounds like a loose cannon.

Ironically thats what my campus minister said too. He said that he would think cloudedly and be unpredictable but he wouldn't hurt anyone, his logic and train of thought ("Bob's") wouldn't make sense

[DrPhil]

I'm glad your sockpuppet got an answer to your question. Good luck.

[aggieadpi_01]

I am speaking from experience when I say this, get out of this relationship now! This behaviour is a precursor of worse things to come. And as many others have already said, a restraining order might be a good idea.

[33girl]

This sounds exactly like my first boyfriend, though he wasn't as physically violent. He guilted me into staying with him, told me "you're the only good thing in my life" and basically dragged it out for an additional 5 months that made me borderline suicidal. Pledging was the only thing that saved me. I also had to send him a Dear John letter, just because when I talked to him on the phone or in person I couldn't get out what I needed to say.

Completely block all contact with him. He is dangerous.

[Animate]

Like everyone else said. Get out. You had several warning signs. I've tried to hold onto relationships even though that the person wasn't good for me in any way. At some point you just have to say "screw it" and make a turn for the best.

Good luck.

[Munchkin03]

Please, please, get out!

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by luvdrunk

Ironically thats what my campus minister said too. He said that he would think cloudedly and be unpredictable but he wouldn't hurt anyone, his logic and train of thought ("Bob's") wouldn't make sense

Don't count on this analysis of him NOT to hurt anyone. He's not necessarily violent, but he could be and it's a chance you shouldn't take.

[ree-Xi]

I think that you already know what to do, you are just looking for validation. I think your feelings are completely valid.

Sometimes, women aren't strong enough to get out, because they love the person, they've given them so much time (years), etc. Get out while you're able to do so, and before the aggression escalates. Take legal action if you have to. Keep your good friends/sisters close - at least during the cooling off period, as he seems very impulsive.

Good luck!!!!

[BluPhire]

My parents don't like him (reason that has nothing to do with what I've listed here, and one that he absolutely can't change), so they want me to break it off anyways.

Since everybody has given you the advice, I just want to comment on this. Don't think your parents didn't have an inkling of the type of character he is. They may not know (have evidence like you have) but parents are able to pick up on a good guy and a jerk.

[Animate]

Originally Posted by BluPhire

Since everybody has given you the advice, I just want to comment on this. Don't think your parents didn't have an inkling of the type of character he is. They may not know (have evidence like you have) but parents are able to pick up on a good guy and a jerk.

That was a huge red flag in my book too. Its amazing how parents "just know" with things like this.

It reminds me of how I'm the only guy my girl has ever brought home to her parents/family. I'm extremely picky on who I bring around my family as well though.

[AOII Angel]

These possessive behaviors are very scary. Make sure when you get back to school that everyone around you knows to keep this guy away from you. Keep your doors locked, and don't be afraid to report him to the police if he ever attempts to contact you. I think that women frequently don't take these situations seriously and end up in more trouble than they can handle. Recent events like the Yeardley Love case are tragic reminders that people you think you know can do things in the heat of the moment that you would never expect them to do. Stay safe and be smart.

[twinkle555]

Originally Posted by luvdrunk

Thank you guys for not making light of this situation, and handling it with care. My parents don't like him (reason that has nothing to do with what I've listed here, and one that he absolutely can't change), so they want me to break it off anyways. I'm going away next month and I think that will be good relief for me. I tried to tell him over video chat what I planned on doing and he used manipulative language to try to win me back (a spent three years on my life on you... etc). He also said I should break up with him in person. I said that if I saw him I would call the cops and get a restraining order. He said I need to cool off and then we’ll talk again. At this point I’ve blocked his phone # for calls, Skype and Facebook. The only way he can talk to me is g-talk and that will be blacked too after we discuss everything again. I’m debating calling my phone co., and asking them if they can block his texts. I’m also thinking of getting my youth pastor involved. He was involved last time, and has ministered to both of us for some time (so it won't be completely one sided). He’s also trained/experienced in counseling, and was actually pushing me towards breaking up with “Bob.” I live in an on campus apartment and its crazy how he got in (part of it was my roommates not knowing what happened before and letting him in because they knew who he was). He doesn't know where I'm living this summer or fall, and I think it’s working to my advantage right now. I already feel a bit safer and happier, although I don’t want to “count my chickens before they hatch” so-to-speak.

Thanks y'all

Good for you. You made the right decision, I bet if you stayed, in a few years he would be super abusive and no one deserves that.

[luvdrunk]

Originally Posted by twinkle555

Good for you. You made the right decision, I bet if you stayed, in a few years he would be super abusive and no one deserves that.

Ironically he doesn't believe that I am being serious. He thinks I'm being rash. I'm giving it one day to settle in, and I'm supposed to G-Talk him tomorrow to make sure he gets it. If he doesn't at that point, too bad.

Thanks again y'all

[BluPhire]

Originally Posted by luvdrunk

Ironically he doesn't believe that I am being serious. He thinks I'm being rash. I'm giving it one day to settle in, and I'm supposed to G-Talk him tomorrow to make sure he gets it. If he doesn't at that point, too bad.

Thank y'all again

Keep it short sweet and to the point.

Also I would put his history of being violent out there in the light during the conversation so he doesn't even get it confused in his mind that it is someone else in the relationship. You will not be a victim.

[IrishLake]

your entire post could have been written by me 10 years ago. CRAZY PSYCHO... when I did finally break up with him (after 2 years of borderline physical abuse and a lot of mental and emotional abuse), he barged his way into my house (I wasnt there, but one of my roomates was), went through all my crap, and DOUSED my bed with his cologne. Yeah, once my roomate realized what was going on, she called me. he was gone by the time i got there, but i called him and told him if he ever showed up at my house again, i would call the cops (he already had a bad rep with the town cops, even though he was a "jock stud" on campus).

getting out of that relationship was the best thing for me. you getting out of yours will be the best thing for you, too. it's not easy now, but it will get easier.

dont answer his phone calls, emails or texts. if you have to, call your cell provider and ask them to block his numbers. block his email address.

DO NOT TALK TO HIM IN PERSON. I think this is a really bad idea. even in a public place, because he obviously doesn't respect you at all. He doesnt deserve the chace to talk to you in private. You will never change him, he will never change for you, and you should NEVER have to change for him. Get out, and don't look back.