I'm an emotional wreck

[Educatingblue]

Originally Posted by James

Edited to add: you are way to available to her. She isn't showing you anywhere near the same level of respect. I am offended that she has tortured you for a semester and I am not even you.

James is right on point...

I used to be in your same situation. I felt the same way you do about a guy and he never made me a priority and basically did everything in his power to "show" me that he needed his space. Finally after 2 years of an emotional roller coaster, I decided to just let him do his own thing. During that time, I met my husband and realized what it was like to be truly loved, appreciated, and respected. Once the old bf realized I had moved on, it was too late to get me back !

As other posters have mentioned, give her some space, but don't let life pass you by in the process. Hang out with some good friends, do things with the family over the holidays, or work-out.

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by Animate

Okay I'm going to do my best to explain the situation.

My "girlfriend" of 2.5 years and I have been on a break since mid October. Her reasoning behind it was that she was extremely busy with school, trying to graduate, and some problems in the relationship were causing her to not perform well. We would talk on occassion but nothing near what we usually would do. I had seen her once from mid September until the 1st week in December. The time I did see her I had to somewhat "force" her to okay us going out. She had previously explained that she wanted to work on the relationship but I told her that that wasn't really possible because despite all of what was going on she was not trying the slightest bit. I expleined to her that I couldn't work on the issues going on on my end if she always told me that she was busy. I went on to explain to her how it hurt me that whenever she would say she was gonna spend her time studying she would end up not doing it and didn't make any attempts to work out the kinks. I said she was overly focused to some extent. So we went out and she did say that it meant a lot to her for me to come and see her (2 hr drive 1 way to spend about 3 hours together). I also explained how things had gotten to the point to where I never expected her to return phone calls when she said she would.

Time passes and we begin to talk a little bit more, especially when finals start rolling around and I'm my usualy supportive self trying to keep my mind clear throught this rollercoaster of emotion. She passes her finals and I'm overjoyed because she has completed a milestone in her life and because I feel like a sense of normality will be returning to my life. I talk to her that night to see if she wants to go out or something and she declines, which initially upset me, but says we can do something the next day. The next day comes and we end up double dating with my cousin and his lady. While waiting for the others to arrive we are sitting in the car talking and she can tell that I'm a bit distant. She tells me that I don't have to be so distant because "I have her now". Well we seated at the restaurant and while waiting we end up holding hands and she tells me "I missed holding hands". The night continues and the general consensus is that things are progressing in the right direction. We talk a few days later and she tells me that the break thing really had nothing to do with me and that she has noticed a pattern of her finding things wrong in relationships and she believes that this is what was occurring.

Last week she graduated and we had talked before about how she wanted me to be there so I went. There was no 2nd thoughts on that from my end. Now the turmoil is coming from her saying that there are a bunch of questions in her head and she isn't sure of some things in her life and she is trying to basically do what is best for her. While I'm all for her doing that, it is tearing me up with the level of uncertainty and in my eyes inconsistency going on. I went back on my personal word and reminded her of my mom's family's Christmas dinner coming up and she said that she is still going. I did tell her that I think we need to talk about things some more first.

She does say that she wants me in her life but she is really wanting to clear some of her personal issues up. Part of me feels like a fool for sticking through this and part of me feels like she is worth going through this for.

Sorry for the wall of text, I just really felt the need to get this off my chest.

She really sounds like she's going through a lot, it's coming off like she has mixed feelings about you, but I don't think she wanted to totally end the relationship. I do think you should be there for her though. It's really hard going through school and trying to keep a relationship alive all at the same time. I think you should put the ball in her court, continue to be you, and hopefully things will turn around.

[starang21]

do you.

if she comes back, then it's all good. but don't pine away. and don't wait. get a "friend"

LOL

[OOhsoflyDELTA#9]

Originally Posted by starang21

do you.

if she comes back, then it's all good. but don't pine away. and don't wait. get a "friend"

LOL

you are a trip......lol....

[BobbyTheDon]

Originally Posted by Animate

Okay I'm going to do my best to explain the situation.

My "girlfriend" of 2.5 years and I have been on a break since mid October. Her reasoning behind it was that she was extremely busy with school, trying to graduate, and some problems in the relationship were causing her to not perform well. We would talk on occassion but nothing near what we usually would do. I had seen her once from mid September until the 1st week in December. The time I did see her I had to somewhat "force" her to okay us going out. She had previously explained that she wanted to work on the relationship but I told her that that wasn't really possible because despite all of what was going on she was not trying the slightest bit. I expleined to her that I couldn't work on the issues going on on my end if she always told me that she was busy. I went on to explain to her how it hurt me that whenever she would say she was gonna spend her time studying she would end up not doing it and didn't make any attempts to work out the kinks. I said she was overly focused to some extent. So we went out and she did say that it meant a lot to her for me to come and see her (2 hr drive 1 way to spend about 3 hours together). I also explained how things had gotten to the point to where I never expected her to return phone calls when she said she would.

Time passes and we begin to talk a little bit more, especially when finals start rolling around and I'm my usualy supportive self trying to keep my mind clear throught this rollercoaster of emotion. She passes her finals and I'm overjoyed because she has completed a milestone in her life and because I feel like a sense of normality will be returning to my life. I talk to her that night to see if she wants to go out or something and she declines, which initially upset me, but says we can do something the next day. The next day comes and we end up double dating with my cousin and his lady. While waiting for the others to arrive we are sitting in the car talking and she can tell that I'm a bit distant. She tells me that I don't have to be so distant because "I have her now". Well we seated at the restaurant and while waiting we end up holding hands and she tells me "I missed holding hands". The night continues and the general consensus is that things are progressing in the right direction. We talk a few days later and she tells me that the break thing really had nothing to do with me and that she has noticed a pattern of her finding things wrong in relationships and she believes that this is what was occurring.

Last week she graduated and we had talked before about how she wanted me to be there so I went. There was no 2nd thoughts on that from my end. Now the turmoil is coming from her saying that there are a bunch of questions in her head and she isn't sure of some things in her life and she is trying to basically do what is best for her. While I'm all for her doing that, it is tearing me up with the level of uncertainty and in my eyes inconsistency going on. I went back on my personal word and reminded her of my mom's family's Christmas dinner coming up and she said that she is still going. I did tell her that I think we need to talk about things some more first.

She does say that she wants me in her life but she is really wanting to clear some of her personal issues up. Part of me feels like a fool for sticking through this and part of me feels like she is worth going through this for.

Sorry for the wall of text, I just really felt the need to get this off my chest.

too long to read...blah blah blah, and you're sad.

Just sleep with her best friend and post all those naked pics you took of her online.

[1908Revelations]

^^^Sorry, he has more class than that.

[Animate]

Originally Posted by BobbyTheDon

too long to read...blah blah blah, and you're sad.

Just sleep with her best friend and post all those naked pics you took of her online.

Let me know how the dating scene is when you are 40+ hitting the mid 20 dating scene...

Anyways, she did go to my family's dinner the other day. She was very "girlfriendish" while there, especially since there were some unrelated to her events that took place that lowered my mood considerably. We continued to talk when we had the time in between family time and what not. I also decided to get her a small gift for Christmas anyway.

Well, Christmas day rolls around and surprisingly the first "Merry Christmas" text I recieve that morning is from her. I text her back returning the wishes and continue opening gifts with my family. A few hours later she texts me again and the following takes place...

Her: Lets get back together.
Me: You serious?
Her: Yeah
Me: (sitting in disbelief and slightly overjoyed. About 5 mins pass)
Her: Is that okay with you?
Me: Yeah! Don't mind me I'm a bit speechless right now.
Her: I love you. Sorry for being difficult.

And that, folks, was my Christmas day! I was bouncing off the walls for most of the day. We actually spent most of the day together yesterday apartment hunting (for her), a brief trip to the Botanical Gardens, and a movie that evening. An overall good day.

I do realize that there is a LOT of work that needs to be done between us but things are going in the right direction. Thanks to everyone that was a listening ear and for those that gave supportive words.

[Senusret I]

I am so glad she stopped trippin!

[SigKapAngel767]

I bet her girlfriends got her head back on straight and told her not to give up such a great catch! (especially someone who obviously cares so much for her!) Yay!

[f8nacn]

Glad there was a positive end to this story but I would advise that you all communicate about those events and continue to work on your relationship daily....You appear to be a good man so don't take more than you have to...

[FSUZeta]

so happy that you're happy! best wishes to you and your lady.

[SWTXBelle]

Merry Christmas to you - and here's to a great 2008 for both of you. You sound like a real "catch", for lack of a better word, and I hope she appreciates you!

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by Animate

Let me know how the dating scene is when you are 40+ hitting the mid 20 dating scene...

Anyways, she did go to my family's dinner the other day. She was very "girlfriendish" while there, especially since there were some unrelated to her events that took place that lowered my mood considerably. We continued to talk when we had the time in between family time and what not. I also decided to get her a small gift for Christmas anyway.

Well, Christmas day rolls around and surprisingly the first "Merry Christmas" text I recieve that morning is from her. I text her back returning the wishes and continue opening gifts with my family. A few hours later she texts me again and the following takes place...

Her: Lets get back together.
Me: You serious?
Her: Yeah
Me: (sitting in disbelief and slightly overjoyed. About 5 mins pass)
Her: Is that okay with you?
Me: Yeah! Don't mind me I'm a bit speechless right now.
Her: I love you. Sorry for being difficult.

And that, folks, was my Christmas day! I was bouncing off the walls for most of the day. We actually spent most of the day together yesterday apartment hunting (for her), a brief trip to the Botanical Gardens, and a movie that evening. An overall good day.

I do realize that there is a LOT of work that needs to be done between us but things are going in the right direction. Thanks to everyone that was a listening ear and for those that gave supportive words.

You're 40+ or was that a joke?

Eh...to be honest I don't feel the least bit sorry for you. You're going along with everything she has done. Did you even tell her about herself or lay down some "rules" regarding what you will no longer tolerate?

Now she contacts you on Christmas day to get back together and you're ecstatic. That was a couple of days ago. Save the happiness for when she proves herself consistent.

Stop letting her dictate the goings on in your relationship. You aren't a pawn to be used and discarded at her choosing. Her timing doesn't have be your timing. You shouldn't have been so available to her. As someone previously said, always maintain a life of your own. I suggest exercising more and finding other hobbies. Let her be the one trying to find when you are available.

[OOhsoflyDELTA#9]

Dang Soror Meanie...LMAO...give em a break....let that man be happy his boo is back in his life...you are harsh....lol.....

Originally Posted by DSTCHAOS

You're 40+ or was that a joke?

Eh...to be honest I don't feel the least bit sorry for you. You're going along with everything she has done. Did you even tell her about herself or lay down some "rules" regarding what you will no longer tolerate?

Now she contacts you on Christmas day to get back together and you're ecstatic. That was a couple of days ago. Save the happiness for when she proves herself consistent.

Stop letting her dictate the goings on in your relationship. You aren't a pawn to be used and discarded at her choosing. Her timing doesn't have be your timing. You shouldn't have been so available to her. As someone previously said, always maintain a life of your own. I suggest exercising more and finding other hobbies. Let her be the one trying to find when you are available.

[James]

Harsh, but she is right. Damn, girls are so . . . just girls. If it was a girl that posted this mess on here no one would be suggesting to give the boyfriend time, or to wait it out, they would be telling her to kick that baggage to the curb . . maybe after setting it on fire. . .

Originally Posted by OOhsoflyDELTA#9

Dang Soror Meanie...LMAO...give em a break....let that man be happy his boo is back in his life...you are harsh....lol.....