Single ladies, how do you respond to "why aren't you married yet?"

[twinkle555]

Originally Posted by AGDee

twinkle555: I can understand parents asking after you've been in a 4 year relationship, depending on how it's asked. There's a way to nag about it and there's a way to just be interested in whether your child is thinking that way about a long term boyfriend. Although, if you're like my brother, you just don't mention that you're seeing anybody until a month before your wedding and then you say "By the way, Dad, I'm getting married next month". You call your sister 6 days prior to tell her.

They like to switch from a very annoying nag to a "we're just inquiring!"

[justabeachbrat]

[quote=AGDee;1789988]When people have asked me that recently, I say stuff like "We're not so good at marriage in my family" since my history looks worse than yours, justabeachbrat:

Parents: divorced after 23 years married
Brother: just got married a week ago, his third
Me: divorced twice, 1 after 14 months, 1 after 7 years

I did forget one....it was so quick.
My older sister eloped, married a guy on the rebound, she'd met at party--they did date a few weeks--they eloped to Las Vegas, this was when she was a college junior. I was in the dorms for summer school, she calls, says she is coming over, with a surprise. Her surprise was the elopement had been a mistake, she and they guy were parting. My mom had learned of the "wedding" and she calls to discuss a reception. Surprise, mom.

My sister had a very pretty wedding, on the beach in front of her apartment in SoCAl. She then moved the next day to Texas, the "groom" had been a guy she knew in high school, they met again through a mutual friend. He was a jerk before, and remained a jerk. From Texas, she moves to Wyoming, and he moves to CA. Just plain crazy.

I hope to marry, if it happens, fine. I have seen the marriages of friends implode, and also some who are happy.

[aephi alum]

Originally Posted by AGDee

twinkle555: I can understand parents asking after you've been in a 4 year relationship, depending on how it's asked. There's a way to nag about it and there's a way to just be interested in whether your child is thinking that way about a long term boyfriend.

Originally Posted by twinkle555

They like to switch from a very annoying nag to a "we're just inquiring!"

AUGH. My in-laws do the same thing when they bring up the topic of our having a baby. One second it's "You'd make such a good mother!" or "It's different when it's your own" or "Awww, look at the cute little baby over there!" and the next second it's "Of course, it's up to you when you want to have children." (Note: "when", not "if".)

[FF_Berk]

Im 18, still in college and single - good enough reasons lol

[honeychile]

It took me a long time to realize it, but not every question deserves an answer. Put the ball in their court:
"Why do you want to know?"
"That's a funny question. You do know that I'm (in college, grad school, probationary period at work), don't you?"
"That's my dirty little secret."
or even just a knowing little smile.

[Little32]

I get this question frequent from random old dudes on the street (not from the family). These days I say "Because no one wants me." :neutral: lol.

[christiangirl]

Originally Posted by Little32

I get this question frequent from random old dudes on the street (not from the family). These days I say "Because no one wants me." :neutral: lol.

Love it.

These days, my answer is "God is preparing the right man for me and I don't want him half-baked."

[psychdesire]

I never got asked this question yet, but there has been some great responses to choose from in here.

On the other hand, a friend of mine has been asked this before and she has replied "There is not a man that can afford me mentally/I have not found a man that can afford me mentally."

[Dreadloc'd Diva]

Marriage is a serious step in life and you want to make certain that you are both mentally and emotionally prepared for a lifetime of uncertainty. I also believe that you should have a spiritual foundation to build on.

[ThetaDancer]

A friend of my parents (whom I never really liked, but he's friends with the family and has kids around our age so we all sort of grew up together...) told me the other day that I'm "approaching old maid status." I'm 25 and just ended a significant relationship, so it was especially inappropriate timing

[lovespink88]

Originally Posted by ThetaDancer

A friend of my parents (whom I never really liked, but he's friends with the family and has kids around our age so we all sort of grew up together...) told me the other day that I'm "approaching old maid status." I'm 25 and just ended a significant relationship, so it was especially inappropriate timing

That's horrible! If it makes you feel better, I just had a family friend ask me how I got into my school. He was being completely serious, too. Not quite the same, but still a bit insulting sounding, even he didn't mean it that way...

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by ThetaDancer

A friend of my parents (whom I never really liked, but he's friends with the family and has kids around our age so we all sort of grew up together...) told me the other day that I'm "approaching old maid status." I'm 25 and just ended a significant relationship, so it was especially inappropriate timing

Something to think about:

Whether 25 is considered an "old maid" depends alot on the context of the place where you live, and the cultural context of the people who are calling you one.

Example: Whenever I visit my family in rural Alabama, I get similar types of comments (I'm 24 and an M.Ed. student). But I have to understand that where they are from, the girls typically marry immediately following HS. They also typically go straight to work or something, so there is no real need to delay marriage or a family for things like college and careers. So they see no need for a girl to be over 18 or 19 and single.

[BlueCarnation]

Originally Posted by lovespink88

That's horrible! If it makes you feel better, I just had a family friend ask me how I got into my school. He was being completely serious, too. Not quite the same, but still a bit insulting sounding, even he didn't mean it that way...

I'm in my mid-30s, have been dating my bf for 4 years, and get this all the time. My family staged a sort of "intervention" to see if I ever planned to get married to him--they had been talking about it behind my back and actually drew straws to see who would "confront" me about it! I'm usually perfectly content with my relationship with my bf, but then people tell me that we "should" be married by now, and then I get anxious. I hate it. But it's none of their business. I have plenty of friends who have kids and are divorced, and I am glad that I am not in that situation. I am the only one from my pledge class still not married, but I don't feel bad about it, so I don't know why anyone else should worry about it either.

PS: Lovespink88, don't listen to those idiots who are worked up about the admissions stuff--yes, that's a total aside from the purpose of this post, but the Trib is just trying to get readers and your degree is worth a lot!

[AOII_LB93]

Originally Posted by lovespink88

That's horrible! If it makes you feel better, I just had a family friend ask me how I got into my school. He was being completely serious, too. Not quite the same, but still a bit insulting sounding, even he didn't mean it that way...

I would have said, "Ever heard of the casting couch? This was like the admissions couch." or something of that ilk How rude.

If one more person asks me when we're having kids, I'm going to get violent.

ETA: Or my new response may become, "Why? Have you started a trust fund? How kind of you!"

[BlueCarnation]

Originally Posted by AOII_LB93

I would have said, "Ever heard of the casting couch? This was like the admissions couch." or something of that ilk How rude.

If one more person asks me when we're having kids, I'm going to get violent.

ETA: Or my new response may become, "Why? Have you started a trust fund? How kind of you!"

The whole kids thing bothers me so much more than the marriage issue. I know quite a few people who have struggled to conceive, and would never dream of asking anyone about it. People just don't get it. I'm sorry you have to go through that. My old boss and his wife never had kids, and he constantly was asked why. I can't believe people would ask such a question! My stepmom always asks my brother and sil when they are going to have kids, and I finally told her to lay off. She just couldn't understand why it would bother someone. Um, hello?