UGA Recruitment - A friend's story

[preciousjeni]

Originally Posted by SIGKAP DAWG

True they came from a big fish in a little pond. Now they are guppy in the Atlantic Ocean. Alot of girls can't adjust to that.

When did humility and graciousness quit being a high qualities? Did no one ever bother to instill these qualities? It all sounds like conceit and haughtiness that a girl would consider herself stepping down to accept a bid from a sorority that wasn't her very top favorite. And, it's offensive to that house as the sorority women have dedicated their time and money to bringing the new girls into the sisterhood.

[UGAalum94]

Oh, I don't know. Really all they've done is opt out of joining a primarily social group. They can do service and philantropic projects without being members; they can enjoy campus life and student activities in other groups. They can develop leadership skills in other programs.

It disappoints me because I think, in general, they are good young women, and I think they'd enjoy the groups if they joined. I also think that they could have contributed to the groups, and I regret that everybody misses out when they drop out. And sure, it hurts my feelings on some level that some of them thought they were too good for my old chapter (who apparently did just fine without them).

But, I don't think a girl should feel compelled to join a group that she doesn't want to simply because the group put effort into recruitment.

It may be unfortunate, but many college-age people only want to belong to groups that they feel will improve their own circumstances. They don't look to join because of what they can do for the group.

I'd like to see UGA try to build a stronger sense of what being greek in general does for people by having more all greek events or maybe even randomly matched social events (maybe some that wouldn't "count" as socials, so no one would feel that they cost them a social with a better group).

This might do more towards general retention in the rush process because girls would know that even if they didn't get one of their top choices, they were ensured a certainly level of social involvement.

[preciousjeni]

Originally Posted by Alphagamuga

But, I don't think a girl should feel compelled to join a group that she doesn't want to simply because the group put effort into recruitment.

I agree with you here. Don't take someone that doesn't want to be part of your org. My point is that is shouldn't even be like that in the first place.

They don't look to join because of what they can do for the group.

A sad, sad state of affairs.

I'd like to see UGA try to build a stronger sense of what being greek in general does for people by having more all greek events or maybe even randomly matched social events (maybe some that wouldn't "count" as socials, so no one would feel that they cost them a social with a better group).

This might do more towards general retention in the rush process because girls would know that even if they didn't get one of their top choices, they were ensured a certainly level of social involvement.

That sounds like a great goal for UGA (well...any university for that matter!) and for Greek Life in general.

[Speechpath]

Just got my update, Pi Phi pledged 63 new angels.

[LoveMyKeyKKG]

I agree that no one should join a group where they don't feel comfortable or do not connect in any way. It is rather expensive to join a sorority, and not just dues, but all of the extras.

But I really wish that a lot of these girls that drop out when the so-called "top tier" groups cut them would have the confidence in themselves to realize they don't need to be in the largest group on campus to validate themselves. Think about it..if 60 of these girls who are so great that they can't lower themselves to join a smaller chapter, did go in together and join that smaller chapter it would turn around in a couple of years. And once word got around to the guys that ABC has a great new pledge class their social options would be wide open.

Maybe that is just wishful thinking but it hurts me to see girls who would get a lot out of and contribute a lot to the Greek experience missing out. I have seen comments on facebook this week like "we didn't need to be in a stinking sorority anyway" or "we'll have much more fun being independent." That is so sad to me when they probably had high hopes earlier in the week. It turns them off to Greek LIfe and that is never good.

We see comments on here like "I went to XYZ today and had a good time. I really liked the 3 girls I met and there were a lot of girls in my major, their house is beautiful and they seem to have a really fun, close sisterhood. BUt I can't see myself joining this group." Well WHY NOT? Because they are smaller? Because there were a couple of larger girls? Because they didn't mix with your boyfriend's fraternity last year?

Okay, off the soapbox

[SIGKAP DAWG]

Girls today aren't taught how to be polite, gracious or simple etiquette. I hate the attitude of the ones who dropped out because they weren't chosen by their "top" choice. As I went through rush, what I thought was my top choice, became one of my lower choices. My house was in a re-building mode at the time, I know MY pledge class worked it's tail off to start the return to greatness. I wouldn't change a thing. My whole class takes pride in what hard work produces.

The girls now want everything handed to them on a silver platter. They don't realize it is more precious if it is earned.

[honeychile]

Originally Posted by SIGKAP DAWG

Girls today aren't taught how to be polite, gracious or simple etiquette. I hate the attitude of the ones who dropped out because they weren't chosen by their "top" choice. As I went through rush, what I thought was my top choice, became one of my lower choices. My house was in a re-building mode at the time, I know MY pledge class worked it's tail off to start the return to greatness. I wouldn't change a thing. My whole class takes pride in what hard work produces.

The girls now want everything handed to them on a silver platter. They don't realize it is more precious if it is earned.

Well said, as is the post by LoveMyKeyKKG. I heard of one chapter who, when they got painfully low in numbers, talked to their HQ and Greek Advisor, in one session. It turned out that there was a group of women (mostly on a team or friends of one of the women) who wanted to start a new sorority. By everyone putting their cards on the table, and everyone doing their best to get along and make the best of the situation, they quadrupled their size in one fell swoop!

As SigKap DAWG and LoveMyKeyKKG pointed out, it takes some work, good attitudes, and the desire to accomplish. Would that more chapters with small chapters used the ingenuity (and good fortune) of this one chapter!

[leesek]

I worked in a profession that was geared towards artistic beautiful girls( read into this anything that you wish) The kids in todays world think that they (according to their parents) are entiled to anything that they want. "Suzy Q doesn't want to follow the directions of the teacher?" Then the teacher is WRONG!!!!!! I dealt with this for years before I finally got out of the business. The girls that are going through recruitment are part of this "preferred" group (at least according to their parents). They [or I should say, "their parents"] can not stand the idea that their daughters are not the best of the best. The sad thing is that many of them are wonderful young ladies. They could really make a difference in today's world if they would consider thinking beyond themselves and consider where every one is coming from!!!

OK, enough from the soapbox, but please , teach your kids to have empathy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[carnation]

Originally Posted by LoveMyKeyKKG

We see comments on here like "I went to XYZ today and had a good time. I really liked the 3 girls I met and there were a lot of girls in my major, their house is beautiful and they seem to have a really fun, close sisterhood. BUt I can't see myself joining this group." Well WHY NOT? Because they are smaller? Because there were a couple of larger girls? Because they didn't mix with your boyfriend's fraternity last year?

I think the comments like 'I couldn't see myself fitting here" are at times disguising what some PNMs really think because they'll post that but then pm me or someone else and say, "Of course I couldn't post this on the boards but the ABCs were awful! They all had B.O., etc..." Some who are posting like this are just trying to be nice and others are afraid that a sorority member at their school will figure out who they are and which sororities they're talking about and they'll get released.

[BamaDad]

My daughter never said a partcular house was bad. She thought they were all honestly very good, she just liked a few more than others by the slimmest of threads. I did hear the word "clicking" used, but just as a matter of degree. She purposely ignored what you ladies call tent talk about one particular sorority - she has included that house each day through Six Party Day today. So I guess I'm sorry to hear the negatives such as "awful" muttered by pnms. Perhaps the fact that my daughter had very little knowledge of individual sororities before rush gave her an open mind. I can't help but believe that all the sororities at Bama are wonderful. Just a thought by an insomniac approaching midnight.

[AnchorAlumna]

Originally Posted by Alphagamuga

With some of the girls who dropped, I think it's a matter of feeling that they were the beautiful and popular people in high school, the top group in others' eyes, so they won't lower themselves to join any group that other people won't see as a top group.

True at the University of Alabama, too.

[adpiucf]

I don't think anyone was picking on your daughter as an example, BamaDad. But I will say we've all run across PNMs and sisters who live their lives in a cloud. They have a false sense of entitlement and an over-inflated sense of self. I think it is important to have healthy self-esteem, but at what point do you see what's really in the mirror staring back at you?

We live in a society that no longer rewards the top performers-- some schools have done away with valedictorians, instead choosing to honor the top 10% (please don't launch into a tirade about how your kid was 10th's of a point away from the next one...). Or giving every athlete a blue ribbon in lieu of honoring the real star of the season. Everyone's a winner! As Ricky Bobby would say, "If you're not first, you're last!"

Part of it is parenting. The teacher is wrong, the tests are wrong, the coach is wrong, my kid likes candy so why not let him have it, etc... Kids grow up being told how great and wonderful and perfect they are: Is it any wonder that they come to recruitment and are crushed to be cut from the sororities after the first day? They've never been told before that they're anything but perfectly wonderful. And no, being cut doesn't make anyone less wonderful or beautiful, but as we've discussed ad nauseum in the AI Forum: if you don't bring anything to the sorority, your bubbly personality alone won't get you far without the grades and activities to carry you forward.

Long story short: recruitment can be the first time a young woman experiences any kind of rejection-- they've gotten the blue ribbon in the horse show (so did everyone else), they received a gold star on their English test (so did everyone else) and so on. They come into recruitment expecting gold stars and blue ribbons. Then again, many more people go through 4 years of college and expect to start in the workforce as a vice president in the corner office. Same situation: false sense of entitlement as a result of being raised to think you're the Second Coming.

/This doesn't apply to everyone. But I think we've seen it enough in real life to acknowledge that by "yes"-ing our kids to death, that we're not doing them any favors.

[honeychile]

Originally Posted by carnation

I think the comments like 'I couldn't see myself fitting here" are at times disguising what some PNMs really think because they'll post that but then pm me or someone else and say, "Of course I couldn't post this on the boards but the ABCs were awful! They all had B.O., etc..." Some who are posting like this are just trying to be nice and others are afraid that a sorority member at their school will figure out who they are and which sororities they're talking about and they'll get released.

I love it! Can you imagine a PNM saying (hopefully, once Recruitment was over) that Apples = XYZ (hated them and their BO!), Bananas = ABC (hated their tacky house!), etc, etc? It's just too tacky to even imagine!

[LoveMyKeyKKG]

Originally Posted by carnation

I think the comments like 'I couldn't see myself fitting here" are at times disguising what some PNMs really think because they'll post that but then pm me or someone else and say, "Of course I couldn't post this on the boards but the ABCs were awful! They all had B.O., etc..." Some who are posting like this are just trying to be nice and others are afraid that a sorority member at their school will figure out who they are and which sororities they're talking about and they'll get released.

I am sure that is true! At least they are being tactful on a public message board!

[alum]

Originally Posted by honeychile

I love it! Can you imagine a PNM saying (hopefully, once Recruitment was over) that Apples = XYZ (hated them and their BO!), Bananas = ABC (hated their tacky house!), etc, etc? It's just too tacky to even imagine!

Well I guess, if nothing else, we've taught the rushees/PNMs how to be discreet on a message board. I have been following these boards for awhile now and have noticed that we beg the girls initiating the recruitment threads to keep somewhat anonymous.

I am a mom of a freshman who may or may not undergo deferred recruitment. I wholeheartedly endorse the fact that she is waiting to decide to rush until she can assess the situation once she is on campus for more than a couple of days. We have lined up her recs to all the Panhel organizations on campus. I may or may not do a recruitment thread, because it seems too easy to figure out the school and then the chapters under consideration.