Oprah's On: Town Hall Meeting: Imus Controversy: Now What? - Page 10

Taualumna · #**136** 03-21-2006, 12:58 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by _Opi_
In my culture (Somali), dating anyone non-Somali is almost considered dating outside the race..even to a fellow African (of another culture).

I can't really write off someone because we are not from the same country, so dating outside my race is more likely..as long as we see certain things eye to eye.

It's like that for Chinese too. I know some people who have dated Japanese, only to have their grandparents (who lived through WWII torture) be completely against their relationship.

Dionysus · #**137** 03-21-2006, 02:58 AM

Originally posted by enigma_AKA
I'm just trying to get what you meant by your post, Dionysus...I didn't want to get the wrong impression by what you wrote, because at first, it seems...wierd.

First, you said:

My question is-what do you define as a stereotypical/typical Black guy? There are many types of people: Black, White, Hispanic/Latino, Asian, educated/non-educated, jock/prep/conscious/fratty, bungalow-dwelling/apartment dwelling/mansion dwelling/shack dweliing, etc, etc...which type?

Stereotypical Black Guy=Fits all or most of the negative black guy stereotypes. I don't like walking stereotypes, and this isn't only with black men. I'm also turned off by white guys who fit most of the negative white guy stereotypes.

As for typical, it is a lot harder to define. But, I know one when I see one. Like you said there are many types of people within one race. How can I put this? I would say that the "typical" black guy is someone who is not well intergrated into mainstream culture. I will give some examples later on.

Then you said:

My question: Is that a race matter? Is having something in common with someone defined as race these days? Maybe it was just them, not specific of race or whatever. Maybe it was you.

No, I don't always think it is a race matter. That was kind of the point of my post. Again, a lot of people say that they would not date interracially because they won't have anything in common. I don't think that's always true. You can date someone within the same race and not have much in common, and you can date someone from another race and have many things in common. I know the former from experience.

My question (and statement): Well, hayle, there you go! Wouldn't these men in particular be wack candidates regardless of race? You didn't like them as much as they liked you--well, that's half of the problem. And then, asking someone as a date for an event doesn't mean you have to like them--it just means you need a date. Or was it because they were Black that you didn't like them in the first place?

Yes, you are right, I would've not bonded with any of those guys regardless of their race.

Growing up in a predominantly white area, and attending predominantly white schools from k to grad school, I do consider myself as someone who is well intergrated into mainstream culture, at least superficially. Those guys were not, IMO.

Our tastes in clothing, MUSIC, movies, and food were completely different. Our hobbies were also quite different.

I would describe all of them as politically liberal, but socially conservative, as many blacks are. I'm middle of the road politically, but I'm quite socially liberal.

For some reason, I don't mind these differences in platonic relationships or friendships, or I would have less black friends. And here on GC, I enjoy reading many posts on the NPHC forums. I've learned a lot of new things. Before GC, I've never heard of people like Zora Neale Hurston. On a less serious note, I didn't have a clue what "bootlegging" meant. I think I only heard of the word five times in my life.

However, when it comes to intimate relationships, those kinds of differences are a concern. But, then again, these differences are pretty superficial. I'm sure if I look deeper I can find something in common. So maybe it is me.

No, this does not mean that I will stop dating black guys. I'm just saying that I once had assumption because I dated someone within the same race, that we would automatically have a lot in common. I found out the hard way that I was wrong.

Tickled Pink 2 · #**138** 03-21-2006, 03:17 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by enigma_AKA
Soror Tickled Pink 2,

What ended up happening? What was the big issue that they were talking about in the previews? I hope she got some serious help--homegirl soror was up in straight up denial!

enigma_AKA

Sorry I just read this. I didn't even watch it. I ended up deleting it after about 5 minutes into it. I think the whole debt diet thing frustrated me because these women were extreme and I couldn't relate. I wish she'd picked a more realistic couple to assist.

SummerChild · #**139** 03-21-2006, 05:29 PM

Come on Dionysus, where are you finding these AA guys that you are dating? If you're finding them at a *somebody's college* then they are probably well integrated into the mainstream. Come on now, where are you finding these guys?

Also, I guess that I would say that if there was any mismatch, it was probably the perspective on what is to be valued. Example - there is no inherent value in being well-integrated into the *mainstream* for the sake of being so. Basically, the term "mainstream" is just another term for the majority culture of a place. So if we say live in the US, the mainstream will be defined by the power players or the most populous and dominant group, which tends to be non-AAs. So it seems feasible that a guy may not be totally intertwined into the non-AA group if he is not AA. I digress... My point is that we must always consider and critique our own point of reference. There is no inherent value in the majority culture or the non-majority culture, it's all a matter of choice. You choose the majority culture on many things and maybe this guy did not. That does not mean that he was not exposed or well-integrated, only that he may have *chosen* what he liked best, as you have. Many of us have been exposed but we choose what we like, it's just a matter of choice and it seems that yours were different. Of course, that's not a matter of race, there are many guys that may choose mainstream and be AA. It's all where you hang out.

The fact that one chooses the non-majority culture over the majority culture does not necessarily imply a lack of exposure. To assume so must imply that when one is exposed to the majority culture, one will automatically choose it b/c there is the idea that it is better or there is some inherent value. Consider that there may be value in the non-majority culture as well and you may see more value in these guys you deem "stereotypical."

Also, regarding feeling that many AA guys are walking stereotypes, how many have you really interacted with? B/c it does not sound like you've had a reasonable sample. I say that b/c you lived in an all non-AA community while growing up, and went to non-AA populated schools in K-12 ..... Perhaps your sample set is not large enough to make generalizations. Consider.

Also, we must all be careful not to buy into the stereotyping that is displayed in mainstream. You mentioned that you had only heard of "bootlegging" like 5 times in your life. All of that is to what?? Is "bootlegging" some term that you associate with AAs? That's a stereotype. Expand, you will see that in many circles, we do not even use that term. That's a *stereotype*.

You have not heard of Zora Neale Hurston before this board? Why not? You are college-educated and AA. She wrote, if not the first, one of the first modern day AA romance novels. Even if you grow up in a predominately non-AA community and go to those schools, we must all take time to delve into things if they are important to us. Is AA literature important to you? It's not mainstream. Is it important to you?

SC

Quote:

Originally posted by Dionysus
Originally posted by enigma_AKA
I'm just trying to get what you meant by your post, Dionysus...I didn't want to get the wrong impression by what you wrote, because at first, it seems...wierd.

First, you said:

My question is-what do you define as a stereotypical/typical Black guy? There are many types of people: Black, White, Hispanic/Latino, Asian, educated/non-educated, jock/prep/conscious/fratty, bungalow-dwelling/apartment dwelling/mansion dwelling/shack dweliing, etc, etc...which type?

Stereotypical Black Guy=Fits all or most of the negative black guy stereotypes. I don't like walking stereotypes, and this isn't only with black men. I'm also turned off by white guys who fit most of the negative white guy stereotypes.

As for typical, it is a lot harder to define. But, I know one when I see one. Like you said there are many types of people within one race. How can I put this? I would say that the "typical" black guy is someone who is not well intergrated into mainstream culture. I will give some examples later on.

Then you said:

My question: Is that a race matter? Is having something in common with someone defined as race these days? Maybe it was just them, not specific of race or whatever. Maybe it was you.

No, I don't always think it is a race matter. That was kind of the point of my post. Again, a lot of people say that they would not date interracially because they won't have anything in common. I don't think that's always true. You can date someone within the same race and not have much in common, and you can date someone from another race and have many things in common. I know the former from experience.

My question (and statement): Well, hayle, there you go! Wouldn't these men in particular be wack candidates regardless of race? You didn't like them as much as they liked you--well, that's half of the problem. And then, asking someone as a date for an event doesn't mean you have to like them--it just means you need a date. Or was it because they were Black that you didn't like them in the first place?

Yes, you are right, I would've not bonded with any of those guys regardless of their race.

Growing up in a predominantly white area, and attending predominantly white schools from k to grad school, I do consider myself as someone who is well intergrated into mainstream culture, at least superficially. Those guys were not, IMO.

Our tastes in clothing, MUSIC, movies, and food were completely different. Our hobbies were also quite different.

I would describe all of them as politically liberal, but socially conservative, as many blacks are. I'm middle of the road politically, but I'm quite socially liberal.

For some reason, I don't mind these differences in platonic relationships or friendships, or I would have less black friends. And here on GC, I enjoy reading many posts on the NPHC forums. I've learned a lot of new things. Before GC, I've never heard of people like Zora Neale Hurston. On a less serious note, I didn't have a clue what "bootlegging" meant. I think I only heard of the word five times in my life.

However, when it comes to intimate relationships, those kinds of differences are a concern. But, then again, these differences are pretty superficial. I'm sure if I look deeper I can find something in common. So maybe it is me.

No, this does not mean that I will stop dating black guys. I'm just saying that I once had assumption because I dated someone within the same race, that we would automatically have a lot in common. I found out the hard way that I was wrong.

Dionysus · #**140** 03-21-2006, 07:57 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by SummerChild
Come on Dionysus, where are you finding these AA guys that you are dating? If you're finding them at a *somebody's college* then they are probably well integrated into the mainstream. Come on now, where are you finding these guys?

Also, I guess that I would say that if there was any mismatch, it was probably the perspective on what is to be valued. Example - there is no inherent value in being well-integrated into the *mainstream* for the sake of being so. Basically, the term "mainstream" is just another term for the majority culture of a place. So if we say live in the US, the mainstream will be defined by the power players or the most populous and dominant group, which tends to be non-AAs. So it seems feasible that a guy may not be totally intertwined into the non-AA group if he is not AA. I digress... My point is that we must always consider and critique our own point of reference. There is no inherent value in the majority culture or the non-majority culture, it's all a matter of choice. You choose the majority culture on many things and maybe this guy did not. That does not mean that he was not exposed or well-integrated, only that he may have *chosen* what he liked best, as you have. Many of us have been exposed but we choose what we like, it's just a matter of choice and it seems that yours were different. Of course, that's not a matter of race, there are many guys that may choose mainstream and be AA. It's all where you hang out.

The fact that one chooses the non-majority culture over the majority culture does not necessarily imply a lack of exposure. To assume so must imply that when one is exposed to the majority culture, one will automatically choose it b/c there is the idea that it is better or there is some inherent value. Consider that there may be value in the non-majority culture as well and you may see more value in these guys you deem "stereotypical."

Also, regarding feeling that many AA guys are walking stereotypes, how many have you really interacted with? B/c it does not sound like you've had a reasonable sample. I say that b/c you lived in an all non-AA community while growing up, and went to non-AA populated schools in K-12 ..... Perhaps your sample set is not large enough to make generalizations. Consider.

Also, we must all be careful not to buy into the stereotyping that is displayed in mainstream. You mentioned that you had only heard of "bootlegging" like 5 times in your life. All of that is to what?? Is "bootlegging" some term that you associate with AAs? That's a stereotype. Expand, you will see that in many circles, we do not even use that term. That's a *stereotype*.

You have not heard of Zora Neale Hurston before this board? Why not? You are college-educated and AA. She wrote, if not the first, one of the first modern day AA romance novels. Even if you grow up in a predominately non-AA community and go to those schools, we must all take time to delve into things if they are important to us. Is AA literature important to you? It's not mainstream. Is it important to you?

SC

First guy I went to church with.
Second guy was my mother's best friend's cousin, I'm serious, lol.
Last guy did attend college, but not the same one. I doubt that matters though.

I made a clear distinction between the typical black guy and the stereotypical black guy...using my definitions. I never said that many AA guys were walking stereotypes.

As for you saying that I "chose" to integrate with mainstream culture...I guess it's true to a degree, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. It's what I knew, and what I liked. Within the last few years, I have been delevoping interest in AA culture also. I'm beginning to like the best of both worlds. But even now, I don't think I can relate to a guy who's only been exposed to AA culture. I hope you don't think that I see all black guys that way. I would love to find another black guy who I can relate to, so I wouldn't have to go through the drama that many IR's bring. I know they are out there some where. I knew three or four and I was attracted to them, but the feeling did not seem to be mutual. It just seem like I'm out of luck.

CrimsonTide4 · #**141** 04-10-2006, 08:29 AM

According to the Steve Harvey show's entertainment report, Karrine Steffans (Superhead) will be on Oprah today.

enigma_AKA · #**142** 04-10-2006, 09:41 AM

^^^^Yep. I wonder what she wants now!? Haven't we had enough of Supahoe?!

enigma_AKA

starang21 · #**143** 04-10-2006, 11:14 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by CrimsonTide4
According to the Steve Harvey show's entertainment report, Karrine Steffans (Superhead) will be on Oprah today.

her 15 minutes was up like 30 years ago.

starang21 · #**144** 04-10-2006, 11:14 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by enigma_AKA
^^^^Yep. I wonder what she wants now!? Haven't we had enough of Supahoe?!

enigma_AKA

her book is coming back out in paperback, lol.

CrimsonTide4 · #**145** 04-11-2006, 08:09 AM

A friend told me that last night was a repeat but I seldom watch Oprah. I did enjoy the 30 minutes I saw last night. Karrine is really pretty minus her Keshia Cole hair.

enigma_AKA · #**146** 04-11-2006, 10:06 AM

Really, though? For real? Paperback? Now, middle schoolers can check out the book, if they wanted to, from your local library.

. I'ma start a campaign: 'Supahoe got to GO'! lol---just kidding, kinda.

enigma_AKA

Quote:

Originally posted by starang21
her book is coming back out in paperback, lol.

AKA2D '91 · #**147** 04-11-2006, 11:33 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by CrimsonTide4
A friend told me that last night was a repeat but I seldom watch Oprah. I did enjoy the 30 minutes I saw last night. Karrine is really pretty minus her Keshia Cole hair.

I thought she would begin all new shows (Spring) on yesterday, per her advertisements.

CrimsonTide4 · #**148** 04-11-2006, 11:45 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by AKA2D '91
I thought she would begin all new shows (Spring) on yesterday, per her advertisements.

I thought Karrine was dressed spring like so it lead me to think it was a new ep. When did Pink's "Stupid Girls" song come out? (not directed specifically to you but to anyone who listens to Pink/knows)

ETA: Found an article http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/...s/3782812.html
Yesterday was a new show.

I like PINK. Never heard the song but getting ready to go read the lyrics.

mulattogyrl · #**149** 04-11-2006, 11:56 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by CrimsonTide4
I thought Karrine was dressed spring like so it lead me to think it was a new ep. When did Pink's "Stupid Girls" song come out? (not directed specifically to you but to anyone who listens to Pink/knows)

ETA: Found an article http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/...s/3782812.html
Yesterday was a new show.

I like PINK. Never heard the song but getting ready to go read the lyrics.

Pink's song is new, it just came out recently. I like her too. The video is good as well.

And WTH was up with Karrine's hair?

CrimsonTide4 · #**150** 04-11-2006, 12:03 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by mulattogyrl
Pink's song is new, it just came out recently. I like her too. The video is good as well.

And WTH was up with Karrine's hair?

I just watched the music video courtesy of Launch. Didn't even have to search for it. It was right there under POP. GREAT video and message.