What is a "not girlfriend" (or not-bf) ?

twostep · #1 02-07-2005, 04:18 PM

I seem to be seeing this new term more and more lately but have no idea what is is. What is a "not boyfriend" / "not girlfriend" ?!

I kinda grasp what a "friend with benefits" is (just a friend but one with whom you happen to occasionally have noncommital sex) but this confuses me. Is it the same? Something else?

norcalKAO · #2 02-07-2005, 04:36 PM

I've been in a relationship like that for a while now, for us though, its pretty much friends with benefits, but we'll go out sometimes, I mean we'll date, but at the same time, I can go places without him, or with other guys, and not have to deal with jealousy, or confrontation, because for starters he does the same thing, and I guess the main benefit is that because it pretty much means you can see other people we don't have to worry about hurting eachother, but we'll always be there for eachother, and we respect eachother enough to never do anything to purposely hurt the other person, but its just nice that there isn't the a lot drama, and I guess it just works for us.

Nichole

Coramoor · #3 02-07-2005, 05:25 PM

I guess the way I use it is someone that I'm talking to, but I don't want to get serious with just yet/or possibly ever.

Munchkin03 · #4 02-07-2005, 09:46 PM

If you have one, you'll know.

That's all there is to it.

AGDee · #5 02-07-2005, 10:34 PM

I have one in Atlanta. See, that's the deal, he's in Atlanta and I'm in Detroit and that will not be changing for at least 10 more years. Therefore, in my case, he's the man of my dreams who happens to live too far away to do anything about it. We're just stuck. You don't stop your life and wait for someone like that.

Dee

RUgreek · #6 02-07-2005, 11:57 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by twostep
I seem to be seeing this new term more and more lately but have no idea what is is. What is a "not boyfriend" / "not girlfriend" ?!

It's for people too bored or lazy to have a relationship. It could also just be the "hey I have to go to this event or celebrate this holiday, so will you screw me and not bother me the next day" situation. Friends with benefits is just a booty call in casual terms.

valkyrie · #7 02-08-2005, 01:23 AM

I tell you, kids these days and their relationship drama. IN MY DAY, we either had sex and never expected to see the person again OR we dated OR we did neither. We didn't have all of this wussy "friends with benefits" or "talking" or "not quite girlfriend" crap.

Nine times out of ten, if you're under 24 right now, "friends with benefits" or "not girlfriend" or "talking" means the guy wants to get some and not commit and the girl wants a relationship but is too much of a wuss to say so. What happened to the good old days when women were playas just like the men?

omegamcgee · #8 02-08-2005, 01:32 AM

I have a "not-boyfriend". We hang out whenever we can (he's back home, an hour and a half away) and stuff, but we're not super committed. We are exclusive, and we've dated before, which is part of the reason we aren't getting serious too fast this time. We know we messed it up both times before, and we wanna be careful. Also, he has a kid, and was married, so we're moving slow because of that. Yeah, we're having sex, but it's a lot more than that: we are like best friends too. It's a stage in our relationship. But I agree, some people just use it as an excuse.

PureGoldF2K1 · #9 02-08-2005, 05:48 AM

Blah, I'm totally using it as an excuse and I have been for almost a year now for why I'm NOT in a relationship with this guy! It sucks, but when you're really into someone, you'll deal with having SOME title rather than nothing at all. Basically it puts me in a little higher position than his female friends hes NOT sleeping with. And his family/fraternity brothers see me as a girlfriend to him so I get to feel a little special in that regard, haha. I'm not sitting around waiting though, if he wont commit, then I'm still going to meet and flirt with other guys. But yeah...MOST of the time, the NON relationship sucks for the girl, is great for the guy.

Peaches-n-Cream · #10 02-08-2005, 11:50 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by valkyrie
I tell you, kids these days and their relationship drama. IN MY DAY, we either had sex and never expected to see the person again OR we dated OR we did neither. We didn't have all of this wussy "friends with benefits" or "talking" or "not quite girlfriend" crap.

Nine times out of ten, if you're under 24 right now, "friends with benefits" or "not girlfriend" or "talking" means the guy wants to get some and not commit and the girl wants a relationship but is too much of a wuss to say so. What happened to the good old days when women were playas just like the men?

I remember those days, and you're right. In these parts, we called it hooking up which meant 'making out' or more. You had a boyfriend or random hook ups or nothing.

I still have no idea what 'talking' means. I suspect that there is not too much actual 'talk' involved.

33girl · #11 02-08-2005, 12:24 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Peaches-n-Cream
I remember those days, and you're right. In these parts, we called it hooking up which meant 'making out' or more. You had a boyfriend or random hook ups or nothing.

hijack

When we said "hooking up" in college, it meant exactly what you say...it was male/female interaction, sexual in nature. I was

when I moved here and people used "hook up" as a synonym for "meet" as in "we can hook up at the mall."

/hijack

Rudey · #12 02-08-2005, 12:33 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by 33girl
hijack

When we said "hooking up" in college, it meant exactly what you say...it was male/female interaction, sexual in nature. I was when I moved here and people used "hook up" as a synonym for "meet" as in "we can hook up at the mall."

/hijack

Hooking up means ejaculation for the dude outside of a hand job, because hand jobs are not hooking up.

-Rudey

dphies00 · #13 02-15-2005, 11:05 PM

Being 'not boyfriends' or 'not girlfriends' implies refusal. If you're friends with benefits, its not time to fish or cut bait. The 'nots' implies that you've made your decision about this person and you will not under any circumstances be investing yourself emotionally.

Usually there is a reason why someone is a 'not.' Like, in the case of my best friend, this guy she was using had a really big neck and he was a really trivial guy. He was using her too and they both knew that under all circumstances, each other was a 'not.' They had been friends w/ benefits, tried to see if they could get along well enough for a relationship, they couldn't so "Under no circumstances that could ever arise in this earth would I date x." Yes that was a direct quite. And yes, then they slept with each other for two more months.

starang21 · #14 02-16-2005, 12:29 AM

some cut

honeychile · #15 02-16-2005, 12:41 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by valkyrie
I tell you, kids these days and their relationship drama. IN MY DAY, we either had sex and never expected to see the person again OR we dated OR we did neither. We didn't have all of this wussy "friends with benefits" or "talking" or "not quite girlfriend" crap.

Nine times out of ten, if you're under 24 right now, "friends with benefits" or "not girlfriend" or "talking" means the guy wants to get some and not commit and the girl wants a relationship but is too much of a wuss to say so. What happened to the good old days when women were playas just like the men?

An early finalist for "Most Honest Post of the GreekChat Year" here, folks!

33girl, you're not the only one!!