Adoption

#1 10-22-2004, 01:48 PM

This is a serious thread and i don't want any smart remarks from the peanut gallery only sincere information from those who have beent thru this. If you want to PM that would be even better.

I know that there was thread regarding who has been adopted. However, i am wanting to know more about the procedure and all the fees that go along with it from a persons standpoint of those of you who has been thru it and not from a generic websites that give you the generic information that you see on every other site you go too.

My question is this : say you know someone who is having a baby and wants to give the baby up for adoption and you both agree to you being the one to adopt the baby....do you have to go thru agencies to officially adopt? or can you kepp it private and you and the mom and the courts? are you still subjected to homestudies and etc.... and if you go this route fee wise how much are you looking at?

As a paralegal i have in "in" with doing the documents myself instead of paying someone else to do it. However, i need some imput of ones who have been thru it or know more about the prcoess.

AKA_Monet · #2 10-22-2004, 05:54 PM

You need to get the GC legal experts on board...

But I would think that as long as you have legal representation, documentation and court approval way before the child is born or put through Child Protective Services and Foster care that it would seem alright...

I guess your biggest problem would be the mother of the child changing her mind... Or even the father of the child wanting custody... I believe you have to prove that in the state of California now...

BetteDavisEyes · #3 10-22-2004, 06:12 PM

The parents can still change their mind. We once had a little girl my mom was going to adopt. Unfortunately, her mom changed her mind & she was taken away. It's been 10 years & we've never heard from either our little girl or her mother again. It's sad & truly heartbreaking especially after you've had this child in your life for more than 2 years.
It was strange b/c our little girl, Ruby, was abandoned with another relative of ours. My mom took custody & when we tried to adopt her 2 years later, all of a sudden, mom returned & biological parents are given preferential treatment. It sucks.

It hurts a lot too.

We last heard that they were in Mexico but it was just a rumor.

carnation · #4 10-23-2004, 12:02 AM

cutiepatootie, it depends on the state. Independent adoption is allowed in California--but watch out! Birthmoms there have quite a while to reclaim a baby.

#5 10-23-2004, 12:25 PM

First... i must say thank you for posting to this thread....
second .... i must also say I DON'T know anyone who is having a baby i was thinking along the lines of WHAT IF because i am contemplating adoption in the next few yrs.

I have been hearing what Carnation and aka_monet said about the birth mother and father and california time periods to chnge minds and that scares me. From my reading California does allow a large window of time for a Birth mom to change her decison and that is scary if you have bonded in the period of time.

I have been reading up on how to go about this without going through agencies and by going through friends of friends of friends with letters expressing interest to adopt and if they should know of a person who is preganant and wants to consider adoption.

I have one child and he is my life and my heart and soul and i so very blessed to have him in my life, but I always wanted one more and i know he wants a brother or sister as he has expressed it to me much more now than ever before. I also think it is a such a rare gift to be able to say i adopt you and i chose you and give a child a family and loved ones.

It seems california does have a lot more laws on the books regarding adoption I am just t rying to see how to go about this without going through agencies and doing this alternative ways.

carnation · #6 10-23-2004, 12:42 PM

We've helped dozens of people adopt. There's a lot of information online--but I would say that the way to go now is international. The birthmother can't get the child back years later.

Adoption isn't cheap but at least there's currently that $10K adoption tax credit that helps a bunch!

Peaches-n-Cream · #7 10-23-2004, 02:00 PM

I know a family who recently adopted a little boy from Russia. It cost them $50,000. I have heard that Guatemala and China are less expensive. I'm just letting you know that international adoption isn't cheap. Carnation is more informed on this subject so I defer to her.

Have you looked into the foster care system? I know that there are thousands of children in foster care who need homes. Chances are it won't be a newborn, but maybe you could open your heart and home to an older child.

carnation · #8 10-23-2004, 03:38 PM

$50,000?

China and a lot of other countries are about $20,000!

That's right about the foster system. Maybe you could find a sibling group?

Peaches-n-Cream · #9 10-23-2004, 04:15 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by carnation
$50,000? China and a lot of other countries are about $20,000!

That's right about the foster system. Maybe you could find a sibling group?

That was the exact look on my face when I heard $50,000. He is a sweet little boy who had lived in an orphanage in Russia. He was brought to the US for heart surgery. When the couple heard about him, they knew that they were meant to be his parents. They decided to adopt him knowing nothing about the adoption process. It was pretty complicated and expensive. It was probably different from the average international adoption since he was in the U.S. already. It also might have included the price of his surgery.

carnation · #10 10-23-2004, 09:58 PM

We just spent the evening with the director of an international adoption agency who's here in town to give a seminar. She was

at $50K too! She told us about a ton of changes that will be happening in adoption, all of them good.

honeychile · #11 10-23-2004, 10:18 PM

One of my adpi sisters adopted their daughter from Rumania, and the cost was more around $25,000. But, there were definite differences in this adoption.

Before they left the USA, they had signed all the papers to adopt a pair of sisters, 10 months old and 21 months old. Also, mr. adpi sister was transferred to Switzerland at the same time! They got to Rumania, and they found out that the sisters' mother was still alive (international adoptions must have deceased parents, at least, in Rumania). Using the old "bait & switch" routine, the agency showed them another beautiful child, 3 1/2 old, and they adopted her.

They found out that Nicoletta had never been out of a crib, and had only ever had cold milk or orange juice. Plus, because of adpi sister now living in Switzerland, she and Nicoletta had to come back to the USA for six months to establish citzenship - so she could also go to a dentist, and have most of her teeth pulled.

Nicoletta is a beautiful girl, but the deprivation of her early year incurably set her back. But the happiness that she's brought has made it all worthwhile!

AGDee · #12 10-24-2004, 12:14 AM

I have neighbors who have adopted two Russian children. Nick was adopted in 1996 when he was 5, from an orphanage. He was so developmentally and physically delayed, it was sad. He was functioning about the same as my daughter (who was 2 1/2 at the time) and they got along great (even when he didn't speak a word of English!). He started kindergarten a month after he came here and knew hardly any English. He is still in special ed now and I think it's because he was so deprived as a young child. He had never had his teeth brushed, had never.. really done ANYTHING.. ridden a bike, eaten right, nothing. It was sad but he is thriving now. Lydia was adopted a few years later and was only 18 months old but she was about the size of a 7 month old. The pediatrician told her mom to give her as much fat as possible. Real butter, fried foods, whole milk, etc., because they're diet of lean fish didn't provide enough fat for a child. She was soooo tiny and wasn't walking or talking yet. She has adjusted better than Nick did and is doing far better in school than Nick did also. I would suggest that if you adopt from Russia, try to get a younger child to lessen the effects of the deprivation. Lydia is still tiny compared to most of her classmates, but she is really thriving in every other way and seems to catch up a little more every year.

Dee

carnation · #13 10-24-2004, 09:36 AM

Russian children can be incredibly deprived from institutionalization. If trying to catch them up would be difficult for you, you might want to go with a country like Guatemala that uses private foster care!

thetalady · #14 11-08-2004, 02:54 AM

Carnation, I am sure that you know about the Tangled Hearts organization, but I had not seen it mentioned. It seems to be focused on adoption & foster care here in the US, but I thought Cutie might be interested in seeing it:
Tangled Hearts

They also have a beautiful emblem of adoption: Tangled Heart Necklace

#15 11-09-2004, 02:48 PM

Thank you i am looking at the website now