Wedding Dates?

James · #1 08-29-2004, 02:02 AM

Whats the policy of bringing a date or other uninvited guests to a wedding you are invited to attend? Like children etc also?

Sister Havana · #2 08-29-2004, 02:40 AM

Dates: Go by who the invitation is addressed to. If the inside envelope says "James and Guest" then you are welcome to bring a guest. If the envelope just says "James" then you are the only one invited.

Children: Acceptable to bring only if they are specifically invited. (Again, look to the invitation. If it says "James and Family" or "James and Mrs. James and Kid 1 and Kid 2" bring them along. If they are not mentioned, get a babysitter.

aephi alum · #3 08-29-2004, 10:08 AM

You never bring uninvited guests.

If you're single, the invitation should just say "James". If you are dating someone and the couple has chosen to invite her, she should receive her own invitation mailed to her address. You might get an invitation that says "James and Guest" in which case it's ok to bring a date (but this isn't "proper" - it's preferable that the couple find out your date's name and address and send an invitation directly to her). Otherwise, she's not invited, and you don't get to just show up with her.

If you're engaged, the couple has to invite both of you. If you and she are not living together, you should each get separate invitations as described above. If you are living together, you should receive one invitation with both of your names. It would look like:

Ms. James
Mr. James
Your Address
City, State, Zip

If you are living together but not engaged, it is treated the same as if you were engaged and living together.

If you're married, again the couple has to invite both of you. The invitation would be addressed like:

Mr. and Mrs. James
Your Address
City, State, Zip

or, if you have different last names:

Ms. Hername and Mr. James
Your Address
City, State, Zip

Children are invited if and only if their names appear on the invitation:

Mr. and Mrs. James
James Jr.
Your Address
City, State, Zip

If the kids aren't listed, they aren't invited.

(Yeah, I spent way too much time on alt.wedding a few years back.

)

BabyP · #4 08-29-2004, 01:01 PM

DONT bring kids..........

valkyrie · #5 08-29-2004, 01:39 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by aephi alum
If you're married, again the couple has to invite both of you. The invitation would be addressed like:

Mr. and Mrs. James
Your Address
City, State, Zip

This is true unless she kept her last name, in which case the invitation should be addressed to Ms. Hername and Mr. James.

aephi alum · #6 08-29-2004, 05:48 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by valkyrie
This is true unless she kept her last name, in which case the invitation should be addressed to Ms. Hername and Mr. James.

Good point - thanks. I've edited my post above.

However, some "old school" folks don't respect the fact that some married couples have different last names, and will address the invitation to "Mr. and Mrs." regardless of what your actual preferences are.

AGDee · #7 08-29-2004, 07:22 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by BabyP
DONT bring kids..........

I disagree. If the kids are invited then DO bring the kids. If they weren't welcome, they wouldn't be invited. Some like having lots of kids around. We had a darling tradition in my family where the kids would form a circle around the bride and dance around her.

Dee

BabyP · #8 08-29-2004, 07:32 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by AGDee
I disagree. If the kids are invited then DO bring the kids. If they weren't welcome, they wouldn't be invited. Some like having lots of kids around. We had a darling tradition in my family where the kids would form a circle around the bride and dance around her.

Dee

I mean if it doesnt say anything about kids, then dont assume you can bring kids........

Speechpath · #9 08-29-2004, 08:04 PM

Ditto the above, look at who the invitation is addressed to and those are the only ones invited. Do not bring uninvited guests or uninvited children.

adpialumcsuc · #10 08-30-2004, 05:14 PM

I don't think uninvited guest should ever come to a wedding but I also don't think that people should not allow a single person to bring a guest or a family to bring their children.
At my wedding, the last thing I wanted was to have 12 kids under the age of 12 running around but I wasn't about to tell them they couldn't come. BUT that is a different story.

valkyrie · #11 08-30-2004, 05:31 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by adpialumcsuc
I don't think uninvited guest should ever come to a wedding but I also don't think that people should not allow a single person to bring a guest or a family to bring their children.

I agree that single people should be able to bring dates -- how fun is it to go to a wedding alone? I disagree on the kid issue though. Some people just don't like kids, period, and some who do like kids don't want them running around at the wedding.

#12 08-30-2004, 05:35 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by valkyrie
I agree that single people should be able to bring dates -- how fun is it to go to a wedding alone? I disagree on the kid issue though. Some people just don't like kids, period, and some who do like kids don't want them running around at the wedding.

Yup... what she said.

Single people should be invited "with guest" even if they're perpetually single. Going to a wedding alone is miserable.

As far as kids go... I love kids and can't wait to have my own. But I'll be damned if Little Johnny is going to scream through my vows and tear my dress (as happened to a bride I know). Keep em at home. Weddings are for grown-ups.

Speechpath · #13 08-30-2004, 05:38 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Ginger
Yup... what she said.

Single people should be invited "with guest" even if they're perpetually single. Going to a wedding alone is miserable.

As far as kids go... I love kids and can't wait to have my own. But I'll be damned if Little Johnny is going to scream through my vows and tear my dress (as happened to a bride I know). Keep em at home. Weddings are for grown-ups.

Amen!!!!! couldn't have said it better.

winneythepooh7 · #14 08-30-2004, 05:56 PM

I think that whomever the invitation is addressed to is the one that should be going. I understand completely why often people are invited to go to a wedding without a date. Weddings are pretty expensive and I personally wouldn't want to pay $100 (or more from what I hear the going rate is here in NY) for some random person's plate that I probably wouldn't see again or one of my friend's who always has a new flavor of the week new flavor. Invitations come with an RSVP because if you cannot bear to go alone then RSVP that you are not going to be able to attend. My boyfriend just went to a wedding this past weekend where he wasn't allowed to bring a date. While he was initially bummed, he ended up having a kick ass time because the couple getting married sat him at a table with a bunch of other people from highschool that also didn't have dates invited. He hadn't seen many of these people in years so it gave him an opportunity to catch up. I think it is so annoying when people get all bent out of shape about not being invited to a wedding and what not when it IS NOT THEIR DAY!!!!! The couple already has enough stress to deal with, they don't need people complaining about something like this. As for children, I think it depends on who the kids are. If it is immediate family, or if they are part of the wedding party, then fine. I don't think it is really appropriate for young children to be at a wedding because they get tired really easily and very cranky. When me and my cousin were 2 we were both flower girls in my aunt's wedding. My parents had to take us home at the beginning of the reception to stay with a babysitter because we became extremely cranky. In a situation like this people need to put their own feelings aside and respect the bride and groom's wishes.

aephi alum · #15 08-30-2004, 05:59 PM

It's no fun to be by yourself at a wedding. But if the bride and groom have set their guest list properly, even if you don't have a date, you won't be "alone", you'll be seated with people you know (family, friends, or coworkers, depending on how you know the couple). And you can always meet new people.

It's nice (not required, but nice) to invite people's boyfriends/girlfriends. My husband and I did this for our wedding, and it meant inviting a few people we barely knew, but that's ok. We found out their names and addresses, though, and sent them their own invitations, rather than writing "...and guest". Those who were single, we invited alone (no "and guest"), but we made sure they were seated with people they knew, so they wouldn't feel lonely or awkward.

It's really up to the bride and groom whom they wish to invite, and whether they wish to include boyfriends/girlfriends and children. The guests need to respect whatever decision the bride and groom have made, and not show up with uninvited people in tow.