Going to frat parties is definitely not the best way to learn about anything related to Greek Life. And waiting until formal rush to talk to the girls in the different houses is probably a good idea.
When I rushed I was clueless. I wasn't even sure who I should talk to so I checked out the websites of all the chapters on my campus so I could get an idea before going into formal rush what each chapter was all about. I mean, obviously, you won't be able to tell from a website whether you click with the girls but at least you'll have a little knowledge about them going in.
Good luck w/ rush!!
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