Post funny things from the interweb

[FAB*SpiceySpice]

Originally posted by Dionysus
not funny at all, but it caught my attention...

Bio: I was conceived one fateful lunch-hour when my nymphomaniac mother decided to fuck my dad while he was taking a shit. So it's no wonder why I'm so fucked up. At a very young age I discovered that i liked to destroy things (stabbing things in particular). I made my first kill on my first and only day of school. Some little cunt stole my heroin so I stabbed him in the heart with a pair of safety scissors (the company who made the scissors was sued not long afterwards). This was also the first time I noticed I had a boner and I proceeded to skull-fuck my victim, thus discovering my love of skull-fucking dead bodies. I spent the next seven years in a strait-jacket in an insane asylum. They tried to teach me to worship God and Jesus Christ but I decided that if God truly existed he/she/it would have ensured I was aborted as a fetus to stop me from enacting my evil before I got the chance. I also decided that if there really was a Jesus Christ that he was a stupid cunt who ate too many psilocybin mushrooms and gained a cult following of cunts even more stupid than he was and they ate too many mushrooms and nailed him to a cross. After seven years in the insane asylum, I finally figured out how to escape my strait-jacket and I waited for the night watchman to make his routine check on me and I ripped out his throat out with my teeth and, naturally, skull-fucked him. I stole his keys and ran to freedom. I had been dreaming about this day for years because nearly the whole time I was incarcerated, I had a painful craving for vagina. I figured I wouldn't have enough time to get a girlfriend and fuck her before being caught by the authorities, so I decided I would have to turn to rape to get some pussy. The time of my escape was rather convenient because there was a bevy of nuns walking down the street a few blocks from the insane asylum and what better way to spite the soul-soliciting religious cocksuckers I was forced to congregate with for the better part of a decade than raping a nun. I followed the nuns until one of them strayed a little behind and I grabbed her by her head, covering her mouth so she couldn't scream and I pulled her into an alley where I knocked her out with a brick I had found and raped her (vaginally and anally). It was the single greatest feeling of my life for I had broken free from my shackles of oppression and shoved them up the ass of the "lord" (metaphorically speaking). Since then I have been on the run from town to town seeking shelter wherever I can ,usually graveyards so I can fulfill my necrophelic lust, raping killing and skull-fucking whoever/whatever I can on the way. I always make sure to carry a good sturdy shovel wherever I go. Aside from the obvious digging I need to do in the graveyards, shovels are excellent weapons. Keep an eye out for me. I may temporarily reside in a graveyard near you.

Memories: 1 entry

Interests: 12: bass guitar, comedic movies, horror movies, killing, making bongs, marijuana, metal, porno, punk, raping, rock, skull-fucking dead bodies. [Modify yours]

Oh my jesus, that is just wrong.