Wedding gifts

[jess_pom]

Question:

My cousin is getting married tomorrow. I did not get an invitation, but I guess I was covered under the "Mr. & Mrs. Pom & Family" invitation that was sent to my parents because I saw her a couple of weeks ago and she asked if I was coming. I don't live at home, haven't for more than a year, and was offended because my younger sister, who is married, got her own invitation.

Do I buy a gift? I want to but I'm so mad that people still include me in my parents' invites but my sister gets her own just because she's married. I also did not receive my own invitation to the shower but again was included on the one to my mom. I could not attend anyway and did not send a gift.

Thanks!

[kddani]

Originally posted by jess_pom
Question:

My cousin is getting married tomorrow. I did not get an invitation, but I guess I was covered under the "Mr. & Mrs. Pom & Family" invitation that was sent to my parents because I saw her a couple of weeks ago and she asked if I was coming. I don't live at home, haven't for more than a year, and was offended because my younger sister, who is married, got her own invitation.

Do I buy a gift? I want to but I'm so mad that people still include me in my parents' invites but my sister gets her own just because she's married. I also did not receive my own invitation to the shower but again was included on the one to my mom. I could not attend anyway and did not send a gift.

Thanks!

I agree that that was quite rude of her! Any etiquette book for will tell you that. If you were in college or something,maybe that would be okay (i'm sorry, I don't remember if you're still in undergrad or not!)... maybe! But that's very rude.

My family and family friends have finally started sending me things to my own address. I think it can be hard when it's a college kid changing addresses twice a year. But for something like a wedding invitation, a simple phone call could be made to find out your address.

Perhaps you can go in on your parents' present to her? Or may I suggest buying her a copy of Emily Post's Etiquette Book?

[mmcat]

shake it off...go, bring a gift and try to have fun.
you'll make more of a point by your prescense.

[Peaches-n-Cream]

I was invited to my cousin's wedding without my fiance. Perhaps I can give them copy of Emily Post's book. I already have a dress, but I don't have a gift yet.

[kddani]

Originally posted by Peaches-n-Cream
I was invited to my cousin's wedding without my fiance. Perhaps I can give them copy of Emily Post's book. I already have a dress, but I don't have a gift yet.

Oooh, that's a no-no too, lol.

I love my copy of Emily Post. I think it's great for any young woman (or old woman for that matter!) to have, especially when starting out in married life. But it's also a nice little elbow to the ribs to the recipient sometimes... hint hint, you need this!

[Peaches-n-Cream]

Originally posted by kddani
Oooh, that's a no-no too, lol.

I love my copy of Emily Post. I think it's great for any young woman (or old woman for that matter!) to have, especially when starting out in married life. But it's also a nice little elbow to the ribs to the recipient sometimes... hint hint, you need this!

Wait, am I the no-no or them? I am confused!

I will have a gift for their wedding. I just haven't decided what to buy. It's not until next weekend so I have some time.

[kddani]

I meant them. You don't invite someone without their fiance. If he was just a boyfriend you don't have to invite him, but if you're engaged he should be invited.

I gave my little Emily Post's Wedding Etiquette book when she first got engaged.... sadly I don't think she used there as there were quite a few faux pas made

[Peaches-n-Cream]

OK thanks. I probably will give them crystal or something nice. He is my cousin, but she did the invitations. It should be a nice wedding even though I will attend solo.

[aephi alum]

jess_pom, you should have received your own invitation. I think the rule is that anyone 16 or older gets his/her own invitation, married or not. If I were you, I'd go in with your parents on a gift. They don't show you the courtesy of sending you your own invitation... they don't get a separate gift from you.

Cream, you're right too, your fiance should have received an invitation. Spouses, fiances, and partners living together must always be invited together. If you two are not living together, he should get a separate invitation sent to his address. How recently did you get engaged? Does your cousin know you are engaged? Surely he does...

[chideltjen]

My friend is getting married in October and their registered at one place and there isn't much on it and they have quite a few guests. I'm hoping they'll find another place to register, but I don't think they are.

But I didn't realize that just giving cash is okay. I don't know why I didn't think about that... thanks for curing my stupidity.

I've also had a lot of luck with gift certificates. When I worked at Macy's people asked for GCs with our little wedding card cover things. And there is a website that old job went to get our Christmas gifts. Basically you can pick from all kinds of GCs or get one general GC and then let the couple pick what they want it to go to. giftcertificates.com is the site. And this officially ends my spam message.

[jess_pom]

Originally posted by kddani
I agree that that was quite rude of her! Any etiquette book for will tell you that. If you were in college or something,maybe that would be okay (i'm sorry, I don't remember if you're still in undergrad or not!)... maybe! But that's very rude.

Thanks everybody. I graduated college in May 2003 and moved to VA in Feb. 2004, so it's been more than a year and they definitely know I moved. And I know it's probably just the backwards farming community I hail from, they don't think things through, and you have to be married to be a "real" person. It just upsets me that my sister gets her own invitations, Christmas cards, etc., and I don't.

And my mom committed a faux pas by RSVP-ing my other sister's boyfriend. I yelled at her. The invite did not say "and guests".

I probably will get them a gift but there will be hell to pay if I don't get a thank you! To my address!!! Should I include my address in the card with the gift? That way they do have it.

[Peaches-n-Cream]

Originally posted by aephi alum
jess_pom, you should have received your own invitation. I think the rule is that anyone 16 or older gets his/her own invitation, married or not. If I were you, I'd go in with your parents on a gift. They don't show you the courtesy of sending you your own invitation... they don't get a separate gift from you.

Cream, you're right too, your fiance should have received an invitation. Spouses, fiances, and partners living together must always be invited together. If you two are not living together, he should get a separate invitation sent to his address. How recently did you get engaged? Does your cousin know you are engaged? Surely he does...

I became engaged on Feb 12th, the day before my birthday. Invitations went out a month or so later. We talked about my engagement at her bridal shower in March. The wedding invitation had two names: mine and my sister's. We're both over 16, 21, 25, 29... My mother and my sisters were also invited without dates.

She is a very nice and successful woman, but she just doesn't realize how to do things. She doesn't seem to have family, and the groom's mother passed away many years ago so she has no one to guide her. I kind of feel bad for her. I'm not taking it personally although my sister and mother are. My sister and I had received the bridal shower invitation, and called to say that we will all attend including our mother. She always attends family events. We had not realized that our mother had not received an invitation to the shower which arrived four days later.

Yeah, this is a mess. I am looking at it as how I should not plan my wedding. On the up side the wedding is at a nice facility on Long Island so the food should be good.

I'm just afraid that when I get there, they will ask where my fiance is.

[jess_pom]

Originally posted by jess_pom
Thanks everybody. I graduated college in May 2003 and moved to VA in Feb. 2004, so it's been more than a year and they definitely know I moved. And I know it's probably just the backwards farming community I hail from, they don't think things through, and you have to be married to be a "real" person. It just upsets me that my sister gets her own invitations, Christmas cards, etc., and I don't.

And my mom committed a faux pas by RSVP-ing my other sister's boyfriend. I yelled at her. The invite did not say "and guests".

I probably will get them a gift but there will be hell to pay if I don't get a thank you! To my address!!! Should I include my address in the card with the gift? That way they do have it.

An update on this wedding that will astonish all of you.

I did get a thank you note, at my parents' house, that first thanked me for the gift and card and then went on to apologize for the presence of alcohol at the reception. "Had we known about the alcohol sooner we would have stopped the serving of it. It was against both of our wishes and we apologize if it offended you."

I said to my family, the only reason they should be apologizing about the alcohol is because it wasn't an open bar!!! Our whole family is all WTF??? Especially since it was at a golf club, and planning events like I do for work, I know that if you say no to something the venue typically doesn't go against your wishes.

Oh, and my cousin is pregnant, and due in January. Those good Christian people are busy! My sister asked if it was going to be a premature 9 lbs. baby.

[AGDee]

If she doesn't have the baby early, then she may well have gotten pregnant on her wedding night. I got pregnant in April, found out the day after Mother's Day and had a due date of January 12th.

As far as the alcohol thing, my brother and his first wife got married in a small North Carolina town and they weren't sure what to do about alcohol. They simply waited until after dinner to have a champagne fountain so that those who were offended could leave at that point. It was a good way to handle it.

Dee

[roqueemae]

Originally posted by jess_pom
And I know it's probably just the backwards farming community I hail from, they don't think things through...

LOL! My community is backwards too. In the engagement announcement in the paper, the is usually a line about "Friends and Family are invited to attend" I take this as I invited my friends and family. I know others that see that as an open invitation for anyone in the community who considers themselves a "friend" should attend. I have heard this from both guests (It isn't crashing a wedding, we were invited) and brides (I wanted you to come even though I did not send an invitation. That is whay I put "friends and family... " in the paper!)