I need advice on what to do about an Ex I want back.

[kafromTN]

.

[SmartBlondeGPhB]

Well, he sounds like trouble.

BUT, she likes him and there isn't anything you, or anyone else, are going to be able to say to convince her otherwise. She's going to have to figure it out for herself. Hopefully it won't hurt her too bad. Right now it sounds like she is completely engulfed in him and can't really see much else.

If I was in her shoes, I'd have serious questions about the guy but I have been in similar shoes and I will admit I'm talking in hindsight. I couldn't see much either at the time.

But, asking his permission to remain friends with someone???? That's messed up.

[kafromTN]

.

[PiEp299]

Look man, be there for her. Don't give up on it. Her asking Bob is because you're an ex and he knows that (read jealousy). Don't become psycho though, ain't no use in that. But, she is avoiding you, either because she still has feelings for you or because your forwardness is scaring her. Tone it down some. No need to let all your feelings out at once, or you'll get walked all over. Just try to be the best MAN in her life, just don't overdo it.

[James]

Dude.

Dude.

She has to think you are just twisted. A true a mind-phocker.

You break up with her. I am sure it devestated her. She stays single for a year while you lead her on by hanging out with her.

No doubt trying to get your head on straight whatever that means . . .

Did you see anyone else in the interim? Date at all?

Cause its kind of like you deliberately kept her around so that you would have the security of knowing that you could always get back together and get married or what not IF you didn't find anything better out there.

So then she forces you to make a move by dating Bob. And we don't really know how bad Bob is because . . well . . . Ex-boyfriends are not good character witnesses for new boyfriends lol . . .

If she goes out drinking with him . . well oh well .. like thats kind of normal lol . . we would have more sympathy if he made her into a crack whore or ecstasy addict.

I'll be honest. Probably the best thing you could do for both of you is get over it and move on . ..

However, you did ask for advice on getting her back . . so here is the technque:

Be the last man standing.

Bob has very little past with her, and you have been part of her life even through the break-up. That gives you an enormous advantage. Right now she is infatuated, however, if you can make yourself part of her life still you can keep yourself fresh in her mind.

As long as you can keep yourself present in her mind while she is seeing this chap, its unlikely she will be able to really form a deep and solid relationship with him. She knows this deep down, its why she blows you off.

If you can persist past that and keep in her head, you will in effect be sabotaging this relationship and can move in a pick up the pieces.

All it requires is some manipulation and an utter lack of honor. Kepp doing what you are doing now, which is to profess that you want to be friends with her .. and that its perfectly normal for friends to talk and hang out . . . be reasonable. She won't have much defense against it.

And for those of you that think this advice is full of it or can't work . . what is one of the most top warning signs that a new relationship is probably going to fail?

The EX is an imporant and constant part of their lives.

[kafromTN]

.

[justamom]

She says she will always love me, but doesn't know if she is in love with me. So I don't think that is a problem as far as scaring her with my straightforwardness.

Sometimes, this is a statement people use to let someone down easy.

James and PiEp299 BOTH make excellent comments. I experienced something very similar in my on and off relationship with Hubby. I'm just not sure in which "role" you are cast.

Just from your posts, if accurate and not blurred by love/wanting what you no longer have I would guess...
1. They are intimate.
2. He has made her feel like she has a future with him.
3. You hurt her so deeply that she HAD to shut you out and bury her feelings...love can die when the pain is unbearable.

By your physical description, could she be doing any kind of drugs that the two of you never used?
Could he be a a manipulator and she is a bit afraid of HIS jealousy?

If you really love her, then all you can do is wait to see how it plays out. In the meantime, you too should see other women.
Sometimes the memory of a relationship is more beautiful than the reality of it. What are HER memories?

"Though nothing can bring back the hour
Of splendour in the grass, of glory in the flower;
We will grieve not, rather find
Strength in what remains behind."

Wordsworth

[kafromTN]

.

[justamom]

I was really touched by your last post. One other possibility that kind of follows your description of this man-
He may have her momentarily swept off her feet. If she waits for his calls and cancels out, he has the emotional control in the relationship. Who knows what new experiences she is having
and she may just be caught up in the excitement of things being different.

That aside, your best indicator may be those closest to her if they are your friend too. It just sounds like this guy is consuming all her time.........does he know about you and the conversations you've had? Maybe he's made it into a conquest and she's the prize.

I wouldn't go out there and lead anyone on but, speaking for myself, it's pretty effective to let the ex see you with someone else- having fun. It would be good for you too.

I do know how you feel. Though some of our breakups weren't quite that long, I always knew he was the one. The thought of that being lost forever was painful.
I hope you find your way back to each other. Just give her room and time.

[kafromTN]

.

[astroAPhi]

Well, I see a few possible scenarios:

1. She sees you as the type that she could spend the rest of her life with, but wants to be "bad" for awhile. Some people buy into the stupid mentality that they have their whole life to be with the perfect one for the rest of their lives, so they should have as much fun as possible. Often, they drive away "the perfect one" because they're tired of being hurt.

2. She was hurt, and now she wants you to keep chasing her. That jumped out to me when you said she was surprised that you told her you'd be there, but not pursue her.

I think this chick is playing you. Tell her to get her act together quick before you find someone new. You don't deserve to be treated like this.

[kafromTN]

.