Can feelings ruin good friendships?

[AKA_Monet]

To answer your questions:

Originally posted by GRITS
I searched and couldn't find this exact topic. If a topic does exsist mods delete this please!

What do you do when you have strong feelings for a close male friend, but you think(or know) that he doesn't feel the same way, or is afraid that if he does, the relationship (or the person) will change?

If the boy says he only likes you as a friend, then that is it, he only likes you like that and it won't change...

Originally posted by GRITS
1.Do you all belive that romantic feelings can ruin good friendships?

Yes and no. If one enters into a mature relationship where all boundaries are open and explored and communication is consistent, the romantic feeling may not ruin a good friendship, it might enhance it.

But if folks don't walk into with their eyes wide open, then it will really hurt in the long run...

Originally posted by GRITS
2. How can you make the friend see you in a romantic light( if he doesn't)?

See what others have said. You can't make anyone see you beyond what you have already presented to them when you first met them... That is why they say first impressions are lasting impressions...

Originally posted by GRITS
3. How do you deal with the rejection in the friendship( if he doesn't feel the same way)?

Well, assuming you walked with your eyes wide open, you have to be a friend enough to understand, otherwise you placed an unneccessary burden and unrealistic expectations on the relationship at the start...

If you walked in the relationship clueless, then well, you've got to chalked this one up as an experience, learn more from it to move on and live your life as the Creator intended...

Originally posted by GRITS
4. How do you get over it if you've had the feelings for sometime and they haven't been returned!

My dad says to date someone else... That never worked for me... I guess it depends on the seriousness factor. If you walked into this clueless and started fantacizing this person as the "end all be all", one way to deal with it is to get rid of any memory of this person. Write a letter to yourself of how hurt you ALLOWED yourself to be and burn it... For some reason, burning the negative thoughts out of your system, spiritually cleanses the hurt from you... I've told numerous friends of mine in utter pain to do that and it works wonders...

Then start the "Spring Cleaning" for the heart. Make heart healthy decisions. Spiritually renew yourself. Make deposits for your soul. Seek wise counsel if need be... Sometimes your mind thinks things incorrectly and plays tricks the mouth and body to do unwise acts. It is the heart that overrides all the bad things the mind does when it is sick...

As of yet, I have not figured out a molecular genetic reason for this, but spiritually speaking every soul-searching text I've read tends to make statements on this one fact...

When in relationships, you ought to consider walking within the divine. If you relationship does not extend your being spiritually, then how do you expect to follow your path in life correctly? The mind often does play tricks on you... It's your heart that separates fact from fiction...

Read Iyanla Vanzant's In the Meantime... And other books... That has helped me tremendously.