Cohabitation

[The Original Ape]

GOOD TOPIC!

[lastpoetnsite]

much respect...

this is a great topic! and I will make my comments brief. Living with someone or not is a personal preference as someone else said. But its always fascinated me how someone will on one hand say...*not anyone here just in general since i have had this conversation before*
"i would not live with someone before marriage its just too sacred"

but on the other hand

"i don't mind pre-marital sex."

i think that in some ways the two go hand in hand. One is not willing to share personal space with someone except in the bedroom? and let it be known that when you marry your privacy for the most part is gone...so whats the difference between living with someone and being married to them? a ring, a sheet of paper?

if one is against living with someone before marriage then they should also *seemingly* be against pre-marital sex. if so...then from this board there are ALOT more virgins than i thought there were in this world.

no disrespect just coming at it from another angle.

peace

[sphinxpoet]

Originally posted by lastpoetnsite:
much respect...

this is a great topic! and I will make my comments brief. Living with someone or not is a personal preference as someone else said. But its always fascinated me how someone will on one hand say...*not anyone here just in general since i have had this conversation before*
"i would not live with someone before marriage its just too sacred"

but on the other hand

"i don't mind pre-marital sex."

i think that in some ways the two go hand in hand. One is not willing to share personal space with someone except in the bedroom? and let it be known that when you marry your privacy for the most part is gone...so whats the difference between living with someone and being married to them? a ring, a sheet of paper?

if one is against living with someone before marriage then they should also *seemingly* be against pre-marital sex. if so...then from this board there are ALOT more virgins than i thought there were in this world.

no disrespect just coming at it from another angle.

peace

DARN GOOD POINT! But I am sure there are people out there that can counteract the point!

Sphinxpoet

[Riley]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by lastpoetnsite:
"i would not live with someone before marriage its just too sacred"

but on the other hand

"i don't mind pre-marital sex."

i think that in some ways the two go hand in hand.

I have to personally agree with that quote. A lot of people, for religous reasons, feel that way but on the other hand engage in pre-marital sex, to me one is just as bad as the other. You don't want to live with that person b/c it's morally wrong but you will have sex. I know some people just aren't ready for that type of committment and prefer to grow on their own before settling down to that level of responsibility.

[Riley]

Originally posted by sphinxpoet:
Question,
What if you don't live with that person get married and find out you drive each other up the wall? Should you divorce then?

All questions are those and only those of the Sphinxpoet

Sometimes it just doesn't matter. People will get divorce at times for any little thing . Some people shouldn't even live together let alone get married. Since marriage is such a sacred institution you should be ready mentally to take that step and be committed to one another just like the vows said "for better or for worse".

I also have to agree with DST Love, "I think if you date someone long enough and in the right 'manner', then you will learn as much as you need to in order to learn to live and deal with them." Reguardless if you live with the person before marriage or not if your relationship was on point before hand than that will follow you into your marriage.

I wasn't sure my relationship was going to last the first few months we lived together but we decided if we couldn't live together now how would we do it in the future? Now four years later our relationship has grown stronger and deeper. No matter what it definately depends on the foundation of the relationship the two of you have.

[AKA2D '91]

Originally posted by The Original Ape:
I don't see anything wrong with it myself; in fact, if I were engaged, I would convince my bride to be to live with me a couple of months. It would be the best way to see her habits, and allow her to see mine. Living together may tell us if we're capable of getting tired of one another too. It would answer my question of can I live with her for the rest of my life or not.

That should have been established BEFORE you purchased that "Ice" and asked those 4 words.

IMHO, of course!

[sphinxpoet]

Originally posted by AKA2D '91:
That should have been established BEFORE you purchased that "Ice" and asked those 4 words.

IMHO, of course!

Question,
What if you don't live with that person get married and find out you drive each other up the wall? Should you divorce then?

All questions are those and only those of the Sphinxpoet

[DST Love]

Originally posted by AKA2D '91:
That should have been established BEFORE you purchased that "Ice" and asked those 4 words.

IMHO, of course!

I agree!! To me, it's one thing to start to move in with one another after getting engaged (that is if you have a ring and a date-not just a ring), but it's another to live together while just in a relationship. I just think, no I know, you can learn enough about each other while dating and anything you might learn afterwards will not be enough to make you leave. If it is, then ya'll weren't doing something right when dating.


------------------
#10 Sigma (Clark Atlanta University) Spring 1999
Currently: MAL, Southern Region

[nikki25]

What do you all think about being friends with your mate before marriage? Would that enable you to know that persons heart well enough before marriage?

It seems to me that by living with each other, you live under an aire of a "just in case" attitude...it breeds a great deal of pre-marital scepticism. If you're friends with someone, it would seem that even if you get married and it doesn't quite turn out peachy-keen, that because of the VOW taken, that the couple would be committed to working that thang out. To me, that rids of the pre-marital scepticism...knowing that we're trusting that the vow was serious, that our love means more than petty stuff...we're building this thang together!

[This message has been edited by nikki25 (edited June 14, 2001).]

[DST Love]

Originally posted by sphinxpoet:
Question,
What if you don't live with that person get married and find out you drive each other up the wall? Should you divorce then?

All questions are those and only those of the Sphinxpoet

Maybe we're different than most, but my boyfriend and I had been established what we can deal with from each other and what drives us crazy. We concluded that anything that drives us crazy is something we've learned or know how to deal with and it's not anything that would make one of us leave. We've been together for quite a while (don't even want to say how long). So maybe that's why. The longer you're together, the more you start to understand the other's personality, needs, wants, mood, etc. And the more you start to anticipate the other's reaction in good and bad situations. I guess if you just date someone a year or so prior to marriage, you may not know because you may not have encountered a lot with that person.

------------------
#10 Sigma (Clark Atlanta University) Spring 1999
Currently: MAL, Southern Region

[This message has been edited by DST Love (edited June 14, 2001).]

[DST Love]

Originally posted by DST Love:
Maybe we're different than most, but my boyfriend and I had been established what we can deal with from each other and what drives us crazy. We concluded that anything that drives us crazy is something we've learned or know how to deal with and it's not anything that would make one of us leave. We've been together for quite a while (don't even want to say how long). So maybe that's why. The longer you're together, the more you start to understand the other's personality, needs, wants, mood, etc. And the more you start to anticipate the other's reaction in good and bad situations. I guess if you just date someone a year or so prior to marriage, you may not know because you may not have encountered a lot with that person.

Also we've always spent about five days out of the week together. We are each other's best friends. And I think when you build a deep friendship, all of that driving each other crazy just doesn't matter. I think about how when the NBA playoffs first started and we spent all day Saturday and Sunday chillin' in our sweats eating junk food. We've learned that if one of us irks the other, then one of us will go in the other room (be it at his house or mine) and watch some TV alone. A few minutes later, everything's peachy-keen. You're always gonna drive each other crazy at points. Hell, my own family will drive me crazy. But if you'd rather have that person in your life than not (meaning most of your thoughts of that person are always good, happy ones), then you learn how to adjust a little. That's life. My boyfriend's mother told him that his father gets on her nerves sometimes but that if you 'like' the person, not just 'love' them, then it makes it easier to deal with. Like I always say, love is the easy part of the relationship. Or as Chris Rock said, 'You have to love the crust' of someone. And that comes through a deep friendship outside of being in love with one another.


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#10 Sigma (Clark Atlanta University) Spring 1999
Currently: MAL, Southern Region

[This message has been edited by DST Love (edited June 14, 2001).]

[exquizit]

I gotta come clean.....Exquizit has "shacked up" before.......

I HATED it!! I think this really did give me a chance to see that I didn't "love the crust" of this person. everything he did got on my nerves and began to disgust me!

I'm FAR from perfect actually I'm a bit of a brat, but the caveman came out of this negro and this was definatly NOT what I wanted in a husband so it opened my eyes quite a bit......
What works for some simply doesn't work for others.......

[SableCherub]

Originally posted by lastpoetnsite:
much respect...

this is a great topic! and I will make my comments brief. Living with someone or not is a personal preference as someone else said. But its always fascinated me how someone will on one hand say...*not anyone here just in general since i have had this conversation before*
"i would not live with someone before marriage its just too sacred"

but on the other hand

"i don't mind pre-marital sex."

i think that in some ways the two go hand in hand. One is not willing to share personal space with someone except in the bedroom? and let it be known that when you marry your privacy for the most part is gone...so whats the difference between living with someone and being married to them? a ring, a sheet of paper?

if one is against living with someone before marriage then they should also *seemingly* be against pre-marital sex. if so...then from this board there are ALOT more virgins than i thought there were in this world.

no disrespect just coming at it from another angle.

peace

ditto...i see nothing wrong with either...but i do see something wrong with being a farmers tool...ya know...monogamy in my book is the key...i am currently celibate not because i see something wrong with pre-marital sex...but because i am not ready to deal with the possible consequences...getting pregnant...so do whatcha' like, do whatcha' feel, do whatcha' need...in moderation...


mo·nog·a·my (m-ng-m)
n.

1.The practice or condition of having a single sexual partner during a period of time.

2. a.The practice or condition of being married to only one person at a time.
b.The practice of marrying only once in a lifetime.


[This message has been edited by SableCherub (edited June 15, 2001).]