Funniest Family.........

[Catwoman]

How about...
If you want breakfast in bed...you better sleep in the kitchen. (usually letting those in the house know it is time for breakfast and they better get out of bed)

Or

The dog that barks the loudest is usually the one that got hit. (usually referring to a situation where someone is doing the most talking or denying...they are usually the guilty one)

[tickledpink]

LOL. I've read some funny sayings. Ok, I thought of another one:

"They don't believe s--- stinks 'til they smell it."

Translation: They don't believe anything'll happen until it does.

and speaking of parent's threats:

I'mma knock you into next week.
I brought you here and I'll take you out.
Beat the black (or skin) off of you (depending on the severity of the crime - but both sounded painful).

and did anyone else think that "Do you think money grows on trees?" was about the stupidest question in the world?

and:

"Where I'mma get it from, pull it outta my tale?" (If that's where you have to get it, I don't think I want it anymore)...

Translation: You're asking for something that we do not have and will not have anytime soon.

[Conskeeted19]

Dat gul done broke her leg
(she has gotton pregnant)

Don't let no car drive up in yo garage
Don't you open yo pocket book for no wallet
(You better not have sex Missy)

Here's another one

You tryin to smell yoself aint ya lil gal!
(You are trying to be grown)

You so fass you stank! LOL

[herutopia]

Can't measure a snake 'a runnin'!

[Miss. Mocha]

Family sayings that I can't help using myself, at times..........


It's hotter than BLUE BLAZES in here.

Sit your WILD-HEADED self down.

If you don't scream, I won't holler.

If you like it, I love it.

I'm going to spank your "TAIL-END".

When little girls have their legs open, they are "showing off all of their GOODNESS".

That's it for now, Miss. Mocha

Oh, how could I forget... "Pretty is, as pretty does".

[This message has been edited by Miss. Mocha (edited March 21, 2001).]

[WittyOne27]

I've heard these from more than just my grandmother...

"I'll be all over you like stink on doodoo."

"Is grits groceries?" --usually meant to say yes to some statement or question.

"$hi+ in one hand and put hope in the other and see which one fills up the quickest." --usually a rebuttal to "I wish you would let me do/go what/where I want..."

"You done slid down a razor blade into a pool of alcohol."

"Black as tar"

"Dumb as a box of rocks"

"As interesting as oatmeal"

"If you had sense, you'd be dangerous."

"If someone put your brain in a bird, he would fly backwards."

"A biscuit away from fat"

"You made your bed (hard) now lie in it."

I could go on...and on...but I will leave you with this one...

"One monkey don't stop no show!"

[Mz. Sports Luva]

Omigod, these are so funny!!! I think I've heard just about all of these.

Here's a couple that I've heard my father say:

It's so quiet in here, you can hear a mouse piss (his word) on cotton.

She/he/they had a snowball's chance in hell.

[vanda]

I know some of yall have heard "cotton pickin'" as in " you are out of your cotton pickin mind. For a loooong time I never knew what that meant.

[exquizit]

I can't believe no one said.."I wouldn't touch that with a 10ft pole!"

[Mz. Sports Luva]

I just thoought of another one. My mother used to say this ALL the time:

"Child you need to handle her with a long-handled spoon".

Translation: Keep your distance from that person, he/she is no good.

[shyone2]

From the mouth of my mom:

"I bet you a fat man to a doughnut."

"Can't tell sh*t from shinola."

"Head hard as a hickory nut."

[allsmiles_22]

AFTER receiving a beating, my mother would always say, "What are you crying for, you better be quiet before I give you something to cry about"?

[Classy_Diva5]

Here's some of my favorites that my grandma says

1) that child is one sandwich away from being fat!

2) shush yo mouth-don't you know that the walls have ears??

3) it's a shame how those pretty parents produced such an UGLY child!

4) that right there is a freak of nature (someone that she thinks is extremely terrible looking)

------------------
"Mind ya own, stay true to ya own, be ya own."
Peace and God Bless
Classy_Diva5

[vanda]

I work at an senior retirement home so you know I hear them all. And someone just said one I hadn't heard in a long time: " He look like Dick did when his Daddy died". Meaning he looked bad. But how can we forget " I'm broker than the ten commandments!"

[This message has been edited by vanda (edited March 21, 2001).]

[This message has been edited by vanda (edited March 21, 2001).]

[sistermoon]

While my family saying echoes many of what has been said already ... my all time favorite is courtesy of my great aunt ....


"Gurrrrrlllll you think you slick enough to slide on barbwire ....."

I'll leave the translation of that to you all