I've heard these from more than just my grandmother...
"I'll be all over you like stink on doodoo."
"Is grits groceries?" --usually meant to say yes to some statement or question.
"$hi+ in one hand and put hope in the other and see which one fills up the quickest." --usually a rebuttal to "I wish you would let me do/go what/where I want..."
"You done slid down a razor blade into a pool of alcohol."
"Black as tar"
"Dumb as a box of rocks"
"As interesting as oatmeal"
"If you had sense, you'd be dangerous."
"If someone put your brain in a bird, he would fly backwards."
"A biscuit away from fat"
"You made your bed (hard) now lie in it."
I could go on...and on...but I will leave you with this one...
"One monkey don't stop no show!"
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