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Gay brother seeks national presidency
Gay fraternity members share personal pains, epiphanies
Duo details discrimination, politics and awkward dinner conversations
By Liz Satenstein
Media Credit: Chris Mobley for Hermes
Bil Leipold helps record the ideas discussed during "When Gays Move into Mr. Rogersī Neighborhood," a frank look at homosexuality and greek life.
Media Credit: Chris Mobley for Hermes
Joe Bertolino leads a March 5 forum on sexuality.
When Joe Bertolino recently announced his candidacy for Delta Sigma Phi's national president, he received several phone calls from brothers asking him to reconsider.
Said Bertolino, who is openly gay, "They fear it will hurt the national reputation of the fraternity."
Bertolino described the complications of his sexuality March 5 with boyfriend and Sigma Phi Epsilon brother Bil Leipold. Their talk, titled "When Gays Move into Mr. Roger's Neighborhood," provided what was often a comical gay and greek perspective to a mainly Syracuse University and State University of New York College of Environmental Science and Forestry audience.
Though the ill-effects, if any, of his homosexuality will emerge at the July election, Bertolino shared some of his more memorable experiences of coming out to family and friends.
He even recalled his father's reassuring words after breaking up with his first boyfriend: "Don't worry son. There are plenty of other swordfish in the sea."
The presentation is one of several Bertolino and Leipold make each year, sometimes speaking to groups as small as four students.
"If one person learns something from the experience, then we have accomplished something," Bertolino said.
Leipold described himself as the more liberal of the two. He currently works at Rutgers University in the student affairs department, a perk of the job being able to reside in the Garden State, a more tolerant area, he said.
But it also means he works on a college campus, a place where homophobia commonly exists, he added.
During their presentation Leipold and Bertolino cited four steps to help deal with homophobia: Awareness, knowledge, skills and action.
They used such steps in their own coming out, having met 10 years ago and having found some resistance with friends and family.
Bertolino grew up in a rural Pennsylvania town and attended a small college close to home. When he told a friend of his sexuality, Bertolino said a "huge weight was lifted" and how he would come out to his other friends came into perspective.
Leipold, on the other hand, had to tell his girlfriend, who was initially shocked by the news. She eventually calmed and even helped him tell his Irish Catholic family over dinner one night.
"My dad immediately took out the rosary beads and started to pray and my mother took away everyone's plates and said it was time for bed," Leipold said.
His roommate was even less understanding. After originally agreeing to keep Leipold's sexuality a secret, the roommate told others and then ransacked all of Leipold's belongings. A following night, students put a garbage can outside his room, filled it with books, lit them on fire and chanted "flamer" in the hallway.
Bertolino spent a long period of time in college not dating anyone, having ended a relationship with a woman. The moment of truth, however, came during a college conference for residence directors. A woman asked him to accompany her back to her room for the night. He turned her down and spent the following plane ride back home questioning why. It was at 35,000 feet when Bertolino realized he was gay.
As director of greek life at Colombia University, Bertolino frequently received invitations to fraternity events. Despite being asked to attend without a date to one function, he brought Leipold. The two are now invited to each formal as a couple.
People react to their sexuality in different ways, they said. But to all heterosexuals, they suggested the following: Don't run from the room screaming and don't assume the person is or isn't attracted to you.
"There is no such thing as an expert on these issues," Leipold said, "but we must try to learn as much as we can."
Said Bertolino, "Once we stop being persistent, people who need the resources will feel that they can't find them anymore. We want people to see that they are out there."
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