I have seen this issue from both sides and it is difficult to navigate these waters. I am a founding member of my chapter and many times I have seen the efforts of the alumni rebuffed.
First you need to make sure that your efforts are solicited. If they are not, stop your efforts and just make sure that they know you are there for any advice they may need. You will probably have to repeat this pretty often in the beginning especially when you see them struggling. One way that we have begun to deal with this issue is to find a liaison among the recent graduates or alums in particularly good standing with the actives. The relationship will improve as the alum realize that they should only act when asked and then try NOT to take over the entire "event" or item.
The relationship will also continue to improve when the actives have someone that they can bring their concerns directly to. Problems with particular alumni will arise and this is one way of working on the problems. This is an important step as the lines of communication need to stay open or even be opened. In our chapters, the lines of communication were non-existant and we have begun to open them in this manner.
As time passes, you will notice that their decisions are not bad just different from what the chapter would have done while you were there. That is the time when your alumni will realize that they are doing a very good job and dealing with all their difficulties well. An added benefit of offering less overwhelming help and advice is that they will come to truly appreciate your advice on tough issues. But only if the advice offered is sparse and preferably solicited.
As your alumni and actives develop these skills in asking and providing help, you will find that they really do like to have you come back. And the actives do want all alumni to stay in touch with them. But they like to have a certain amount of control over when you come back and mostly, how much you critize. Realize that to them criticism can be phrased, "Well, when I was active..."
It can get better, but yes, first you do have to stop doing as much as you are. Remember, just remind them, especially when you see them in difficulties, that you are there for support and/or advice. Whichever THEY need. You will find they appreciate those alumni best.
Best wishes,
OUgizmoASK
|
Threaded Mode