Parade of Homes 2023

[andthen]

Thanks for sharing Rosebud's story and kudos to her for being so level headed about everything with NPC recruitment. And congrats to her joining TBS! Wishing her the best as she continues her journey with spring COB.

[SquirrelyDays]

Thanks for your kind words, andthen Spoiler alert: she was initiated into her NPC group yesterday, so keep reading - still more to come

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Update: Whitehalls are hosting COB events for a second fall membership class!
Rosebud’s dad is thrilled, and he urged her to go. This is such a surprise to me. I had assumed that all COB events would take place immediately after formal recruitment at the beginning of the semester, so that the women who received COB invitations could be added to the fall membership class right away, and then the next recruitment class would be in the spring. But this is happening AFTER fall initiation. I have never heard of 2 separate pledge classes in the same semester. Shows how much I know, lol. Maybe that’s a benefit of shorter new member periods?

Whitehalls have a house. In fact, it is the largest sorority structure on campus with the most beds to fill. However, Rosebud remembered that one of her high school classmates who she clashed with a bit had just joined Whitehalls at another university. She hesitated at the idea of being sisters with that classmate. I reminded Rosebud that she might never see that girl again. Also: Chapters are different at different campuses, so just because Whitehalls was a good fit for that girl at THAT college doesn’t mean the Whitehalls at THIS school would have a matching vibe. Whitehalls has an interesting badge style, pretty colors, and a mascot that matches Rosebud’s elementary school mascot. Their philanthropy is well-known, and Rosebud’s second cousin was a beneficiary of their services.

Rosebud said that this chapter includes funds for CPC violations in their fee structure (don’t know how she found that out), and she didn’t like that they PLANNED to break rules and then just pay the fines. I said that’s probably not the mindset. I bet they just don’t want to be surprised by fines and then have to take the funds for them out of another line item in the budget, which would affect the quality of that other event. She’s not convinced. But she did fill out the interest form online, and she does plan to attend the first event.

Fingers crossed AGAIN.

Rosebud was 10 minutes early to the COB event at the Whitehalls house, along with about 14 other women. She said they had a nice chat together outside the house and she enjoyed meeting new people. The invite for the event said it was “casual, just be comfortable” and Rosebud ended up wearing a Gillyhicks skirt – sporty material, almost like a tennis skirt – and a midriff top. Her dad grumbled about that a bit, but honestly it was an outfit that perfectly matched some of the social media photos the chapter has posted within the past year, so I think her instincts were right-on. She would have liked to wear her hi-tops, but the colors clashed, so she wore neutral tone heeled sandals, which ended up making her a tad bit dressier than some of the other participants. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, though. Plus, she is fun-sized, so wearing a heel helps her be more on the same eye level as everyone else. Sometimes she appears to be younger than she really is just because of her height.

No surprise at all: the first Whitehalls member Rosebud spoke with had the same major that she has. And the second one, too. She said she spent a lot of time throughout the party on career talk, and courses and professors. She said her hosts commented more than once on how smart she must be since she completed many of the prerequisites for her program while still in high school. (Hearing that my brain sparked – Uh oh! What if they think she will be graduating early, and won’t be a 4-year participant!?! But she told me afterwards that she emphasized how she plans to be on campus all 4 years and told her hosts that she likes having a less-packed class schedule so she’s available to really get involved in all aspects of campus culture. Whew. Good girl.)

Rosebud enjoyed the house tour and the snacks. She exchanged contact information with the girl who toured her around. She called me right after her 90-minute experience and said how much fun she had and how nice everyone was. There were some other guests who were staying longer, but Rosebud was escorted out. Maybe the others arrived later than she did? Not sure. And now I guess she just waits. Not sure what the timeline is, or what the next steps are. I guess one big benefit of more structured formal rush is you know the plan and what to expect.

Reflecting at the end of the day, I realized she was wearing one of the Whitehalls colors to the event. I hope that didn’t make it seem like she was trying too hard. It was not planned – just one of her favorite colors. Social media shows the active sisters were much more casual than Rosebud – all in black workout clothes, midriff tops, tennies – just like their invitation said. Unfortunately, based on our Facetime, her nails were all jacked up. Ugh! I wish she had taken the time to find a manicure place near campus instead of scheduling it on her next trip home!

So she waited. Rosebud exchanged career-related texts with her main hostess from the event for a day or two, and then asked if there were any other upcoming COB events she could add to her calendar. The girl’s response was very vague: “Oh I don’t know if we’re doing any more. This is the first time we’ve done something like this, so I’m just not sure.” Darn. Sounds like no bid to Whitehalls.

Three days later she got an email full of regrets to confirm that indeed there was no bid available from Whitehalls. At least she didn’t have to wait long.

Rosebud saw her Ca’ d’Zan spin class buddy in the student union the next week and they waved to each other happily. She’s settling in on campus, and I’m getting fewer and fewer phone calls and details as the weeks go by. I remind myself that this is a GOOD part of the process, but I miss her.

[SquirrelyDays]

In the meantime: With her Tau Beta Sigma sisters, Rosebud went on a hayride and hosted a Trunk-or-Treat for the marching band. She tried (and failed) to solve an escape room with her band friends. They went out to eat together after many of their performances and took so many fun pictures. She painted a paddle for her TBS big sis. She was also assigned a big brother from Kappa Kappa Psi, since the two organizations are paired up nationally and work together for the success of bands as a whole, so she experienced another week of candy and clues, and received another hand-painted canvas. She was given a nickname in her membership class that totally fit her interests. Rosebud participated in a Friendsgiving with her instrument section. She learned to play 2 new instruments. She attended the end-of-season semi-formal banquet for the whole marching band and posed for photos and worked set-up-and-take-down. She was duly initiated into Tau Beta Sigma , hooray! She sang carols with a mixed group of students from the 4 music-Greek orgs, and they collected toys as holiday gifts for kids. She went to an all-night house party (which was definitely and absolutely and explicitly NOT an official music-Greek event despite 90% of the attendees being music-Greek members, yay risk management) and had a great time. She traveled with the band to a bowl game and loved all that. She’s looking forward to attending the joint TBS/KKPsi regional convention during spring break. She earned 4 As and 1 B in her first semester.

Perfect, just perfect.

[SquirrelyDays]

Rosebud still plans to participate in the informal spring recruitment with the NPC groups. It’s true she is really enjoying her TBS experience, but she had hoped to live in a sorority house as part of college life, and she finds that hope persisting. As an only child, she has romanticized it, and says “It would be like a slumber party every day!” which it is… sometimes. Sometimes it is also “Gah, if I have to listen to her talk about crossfit or pumpkin spice ONE MORE TIME, I swear I’m gonna snap.” But she can discover that for herself.

She has met several NPC sorority women are in her very time-consuming major, but she has learned that none none none, absolutely zero, of the women in the band are also in an NPC sorority. This is so befuddling to me, because in the chapter where I was initiated, musical sisters are cherished and highly sought after. When the sister who was a harpist was practicing in my chapter’s sitting room the house felt so elegant! Without a music student, who would lead the special songs during ritual and recruitment parties? Surely, I thought, the orgs would want to snap up band members during informal recruitment even if they have to miss regular recruitment for band camp! BUT – “this is not your mama’s rush,” as we well know, and Rosebud’s school is very different from the one where my chapter is. Just gotta wait and see where this all ends up.

During winter break, I counted the graduating members who were acknowledged on each chapter’s Instagram. Nine of the chapters graduated out enough sisters in December to drop below total and have 6 or more COB spaces in spring. I don’t know the expectations of the organizations, and whether they have a threshold for how small a membership class is “worth it” to put in the effort. Would they recruit just 6 new members to reach total? It does seem better to have a good-sized chunk of new members for optimum sisterhood experience, rather than just a handful. However, the Instagram information doesn’t include any other attrition, like sisters who transfer schools, or have medical withdrawals, or choose not to initiate, or request membership drops. So those chapters that appear to have space for only 6 or 7 bids might actually have more, which would be a richer new-member experience. This is promising! Maybe many of the chapters will be participating in spring recruitment! My revised predictions: best chance for membership, just based on available data, would be at Casa Feliz, Villa Vizcaya, Chinsegut Hill, Mangoes, Ca’ d’Zan, and maybe Casements, because of the roommate connection.

Before she returned to campus in the spring, you better believe I made sure she had a nail appointment. She came back from the salon with traditional French-manicured toes, lovely, classy, …. and French fingers with a RED edge! “I like them, Mom.” I’m having flashbacks of reading BlueBayou’s account of her daughter Flower’s experience in recruitment. Maybe letting her whole personality shine through will help Rosebud end up in the right place, too?

Refresher: http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...d.php?t=246593

(And by the way, aren’t we due for a report on Blossom’s recruitment?)

[SquirrelyDays]

New year, new plan. On to spring COB!

Deering is hosting spring recruitment events. Their house is university-owned and used to be a fraternity house – in fact it was occupied by the fraternity that Rosebud’s dad joined. She could live in the same house as her dad! Awww! And this confirms my guess that there may be behind-the-scenes things affecting spring recruitment. Deering was not on my list of 9-out-of-12 chapters that might have room for more members because of sisters graduating. So now we are at 10 chapters who might have spring rush.

Princess Place is hosting spring recruitment events, too. I hope Rosebud likes the sisters, because I bet she’d like a lot of things about this group. Pretty, trendy colors, pretty badge, very common symbol that’s easy to find on merch, very popular philanthropy. (The merch aspect feels oddly important, lol. Merchandise with squirrels is really only in the shops two or three months out of the year, so I’d be happy for her to have more readily available stuff to celebrate her sisterhood. Or she can just shop online I guess, like all of GenZ does.) The Princess Instagram makes them seem a little more fashion-forward than Rosebud is, but I know that social media showcases just a tiny portion of their membership, so she might still fit in there. She never attended a Princess event, though. I’m not sure why. At this point, I don't want to dig for more information. Cannot go back - must go forward.

Casements are hosting spring recruitment events. It appears they graduated out a bunch of seniors in the spring, so even though they were overfull last fall, they have space to fill this year. (Hard to predict accurately when relying on public data that is a semester behind.) I know that just because her roommates are both Casements that doesn’t guarantee a bid, but Rosebud was also at several extra social things with the group in the fall, so IN THEORY they know more about her already than the Average Joe-Anne coming in off the street. Don’t know if her roommates would be allowed to participate in the decision about whether or not to offer her a bid since they were just initiated a month ago, but maybe! Casements is really pursuing COB sisters enthusiastically. In addition to publicizing their interest form repeatedly, they posted a collection of photos on Instagram that showcased 9 sisters who joined through COB in previous years, with their comments on how joining through COB enriched their lives and provided them with the same sisterhood as those who joined during primary recruitment.

Ca’ d‘Zan is hosting spring recruitment events, which we totally predicted since they are the smallest group on campus. Her spin class friend reached out to her personally to invite her to their activities. Rosebud is torn, because she definitely LIKES all of the members that she met, but she wants to live in a sorority house. She feels it is likely that Ca’ d’Zan would offer her a bid because they already did in the fall. She doesn’t know how to reply to her spin class friend in a way that would put her off a bit to see if she might be offered a bid from a housed chapter first while not out-right declining the invitation. As it happens, her TBS event schedule prevented her from attending some of their events, so her attendance was delayed organically with no subterfuge needed.

Mangoes are hosting spring recruitment events. She’s still pretty sure she isn’t interested in Mangoes. I’m feeling like beggars can’t be choosers, but what do I know? Mangoes does not have a house either, so I know that impacts her interest.

Villa Vizcaya is hosting something that MIGHT be a recruitment event? It’s not clear. Deering and Princess Place and Casements and Ca’ d’Zan and Mangoes all have a link to a recruitment interest form on their Instagram accounts. Vizcaya just has an announcement about a craft project and a link to send an email to the VP Membership to RSVP. Is this recruitment? Is it a sisters-only event? Not sure. We learned that the Pan VPR from the fall is a Vizcaya, per their IG, and that quickly cooled Rosebud’s enthusiasm. She did not exert herself to discover if this was a COB event. About 2 weeks later, 2 moms of Vizcaya sisters posted on Facebook that yes, they were recruiting, but still nothing definitive showed up on their Instagram. Stealth rush, I guess.

Capen-Showalter is hosting a faith inquiry and sharing night, open to all. Maybe that’s foot-in-the-door for COB? We’ll never know because Rosebud is NOT interested in doing that. In fact, I’m pretty sure she has not darkened the door of a church since the first week away from home. Sigh. I thought that might happen. I did the same when I was her age, and I think many teens do. Just gotta wait to see if she will boomerang back in the future. And pray about it.

She thinks MAYBE she filled out an interest form for Casa Feliz. She hasn’t heard anything about events, though. I never saw an interest form or event list posted on their social media. Not sure. Sounds like she’s losing track of info and not being as methodical as her Type-A mother would be. She definitely did not message any of the other orgs (which the newly elected Pan VPR had recommended to everyone) to see if they have any COB events coming up that were not publicly announced.

(If you’re keeping track, that list contains 5 out of the 6 organizations that I included in my revised predictions for spring COB.)
Casa Feliz did pick up around 10 new members, and so did Villa Vizcaya and Princess Place.
Mangoes picked up 16 and then continued to COB.
Nothing on social media about Capen-Showalter results, so I guess that wasn’t a COB event after all.


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Suitemates update:
You might recall that shy Shelly thought she would participate in spring rush. Well, there was some Dr. Phil-level drama among the other girls in the suite AND THEIR MOMS during the second month of the fall semester and it’s best not to mention the third roommate to anyone, at any time. Like touching the third rail. Suffice it to say: they’re definitely NOT going through spring recruitment together. Shelly’s probably not participating in any of the parties at all, would be my guess.

[SquirrelyDays]

Events overlapped chronologically, but I’m grouping these notes by organization.

Rosebud’s first spring recruitment event was at the Deering house. Everyone was in jeans and sweaters – it was chilly! The first Deering sister she spoke with was from a city neighboring our hometown, matchy-matchy. She let Rosebud know right up front that you don’t have to be Jewish to be a Deering (which we knew, of course). It was as if she wanted to get that out of the way and just get on with the business of getting acquainted. Rosebud ended up speaking with about 5 or 6 sisters over the course of 2 or 3 hours. It sounded like each woman she spoke with offered her an “out” to leave the party graciously, or the option to meet another sister. Rosebud kept picking Door #2 and met as many women as she could. Most of the women she spoke with had just been initiated before winter break, but at one point she did get paired up with a junior in her same career path. They talked about professors and courses, and Rosebud was VERY happy to hear that the required junior-level classes that she thought were all scheduled at the same time as marching band rehearsal actually have more than one section to select from. She might still be able to march as an upperclassman!

Rosebud loved seeing different parts of the Deering house, and when the sisters told her it had been a filming location for a movie before Deering occupied it, she took the opportunity to share that her dad had lived there, too, when it was a fraternity house. She was enthusiastic about living in the house, and about their unique big-little gift traditions, and had good conversations about their composites and living space decor. Their badge is not my fav (probably because I love the style of my own so much) but Rosebud has no opinion about that either way. She is lukewarm about their mascot/symbol, but is enthusiastic about their philanthropy. She said they had a large trophy case, but didn’t get a good look at what the trophies were FOR. One of the hosts asked if she plays intramural sports. Not likely. One of them asked if she was interested in Deering specifically, or if she was just visiting all the groups. She said she was interested in Deering specifically, partially because someone told her a few months ago that she totally seems like a Deering, so she wanted to see what they had in common. One of the sisters she spoke with said they had the highest organizational GPA on campus. Deering social media shows a wide variety of women. They do not all seem to be fashion plates or cookie cutters of each other. This could be a good fit for my independent Miss.

A week later, photos appeared on Deering social media: 15 new members, none of them Rosebud. Huh. Maybe every time they offered her a gracious “out” during the house tour, they really were hoping she was ready to go. Maybe she mis-read everything.

[SquirrelyDays]

Events overlapped chronologically, but I’m grouping these notes by organization.

Yay, Casements!

It’s funny how we’ve gone from “Mom, what should I wear, what should I say?” to “this is what I’m going to wear tonight, what do you think” to “this is what I wore yesterday” to …. crickets. Again, this is a good sign of growing confidence, a part of the process, but I’m aching for details! I’m getting them days later, with a lot of yadda yadda yadda, instead of the really thorough calls from earlier in the school year.

Rosebud’s Casements roommate Tammy helped her get ready. The recruitment chair sent out a message to all guests with a collection of “inspo” pictures, which was useful. They ended up choosing a cotton sundress with flowers embroidered in a color that matched those favorite hi-tops. Super cute ensemble, but I’m sure she was cold. I can’t imagine what jacket she wore over top. Based on event pictures of Casements active sisters on social media, she fit right in fashion-wise.

At Casements they split the guests into 3 time slots of about 40 minutes, scheduled one after the other within the same evening. Sounds just like regular rush parties, even though this is basically COB. This formality was unexpected. It’s interesting that this could actually be good practice for the newly initiated sisters to help them get ready for the structure of fall recruitment. When she arrived, Rosebud was paired first with her roommate Gina’s bid day Buddy from fall recruitment. She knew she wouldn’t be paired with either Tammy or Gina to give her a chance to meet more women. She and the bid day Buddy really hit it off! As it happened, it seemed like every time Rosebud started to say something about herself, the Buddy would say “Oh yeah, I remember; Gina told me about that.” Rosebud reminded the Buddy that she had been at the grab-a-date back in September, and the Buddy thought that was awesome.

After talking with the bid day Buddy, Rosebud was paired with another sister who was a COB initiate last spring. They did not click half so well as the previous match up. Ah well. Can’t be everyone’s cup of tea. And that was it. There was no house tour at Casements, which was logical for such a short visit. Rosebud was told to watch her email for either an invite to the next round of recruitment, or a “thank you for your interest” rejection message. Hopefully she will get to go back for the house tour.

It really does seem like Rosebud has some sisters in her corner when it comes to decision time. In addition to her roommates, there is Tammy’s grand-big who is a recruitment committee chair. Plus, she was told that at least one of the older initiated sisters from that movie date way back in August had completed an info form about her. (Maybe that is the new version of a rec?) And now she has met Gina’s bid day Buddy. This is great!

At the end of the day, back in the suite, the roommates chatted about their experiences. Of course, the information that the roommates could share with Rosebud was limited, but one of Tammy’s conversation guests was a total name dropper. Tammy felt like she didn’t get to know ANYTHING about the girl herself, because every other word she said was talking about a Casements sister that she knows, or one she wants to know better. It will be interesting to see if she moves on to the next round. (Update: she did not.)

The style of the Casements badge is more familiar to me, and the symbols/mascot are super common, which is good for shopping. Well-known philanthropy. Comfort of already knowing several sisters. Lots of good points.

However, before the end of the week, Rosebud learned that she would not receive a bid to Casements. So, as many other women have found out: knowing several sisters before recruitment is not a guarantee for a bid. Bid day photos showed 14 happy women, one of whom could have been Rosebud’s twin. Her roommates were surprised by this outcome. They think it was detrimental that the Buddy didn’t learn anything new about her during their chat. Rosebud knew she didn’t “click” with the other hostess, so that was no help. She shared this with me during a quick phone call (“I only have 10 minutes, Mom! Gotta go!”). Very busy with band performances and TBS events.


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At this point my Alpha Gam sisters were worried about her mental state after 3 rejections, but Rosebud was not distraught. Frustrated, but not upset. She was more distressed after the rejection from Whitehalls in the fall, but more self-assured in the spring. She’s re-evaluating her priorities. She commented that “everything is just really clique-y” at college, even in the band, even in TBS in a way. I’m not sure what has been happening to prompt this reaction, but she does have a good core group of friends to get her started on the right foot at college, so hopefully this will pass.

I’m realizing that her high school band experience sheltered her a bit more than I grasped at the time. She was a big fish in a small pond, welcome everywhere she chose to go and happy with her lot in life. Unconcerned with the popular crowd and what other groups of kids were doing. Trying to cross over into a new pond is testing her.