Parade of Homes 2023

[carnation]

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[SquirrelyDays]

One week before recruitment began, Rho Gam Kelsey sent over the schedule for the preview day. Based on what we were told by a student ambassador at her college orientation and registration weekend, she will probably talk to representatives from each group for a bit and then move to the next group, like tabling or speed dating. The event is scheduled for 3 hours and there are 12 organizations… so it seems like she’ll get 15 minutes with each group, but who knows? We’re just guessing at this point.

However: More despondency, because Rosebud must check in at the band field during the third hour of the preview event, non-negotiable. She will likely have to leave before getting to talk to all the groups at the preview. Rho Gam Kelsey is very sad for Rosebud and suggests COB might be her best option after all. Rosebud was ready to go to the preview anyway, and planned get there early, and hoped to find out what the setup is like. Does she have to move around the room in a set order, or does she get to choose? At some other campuses, when there are PNMs with prior commitments, I know one solution is to schedule half-parties for those PNMs. I don’t know if this campus does that, but in any case: how would that even work at this extra preview event? Would she end up talking with some groups for 7 minutes? That doesn’t seem productive. She’s not getting a lot of information from Rho Gam Kelsey. This just sucks. I never use that word, but it fits the situation best. I’m really annoyed on her behalf. I guess if she’s lucky, the groups without houses will all fall in the last hour on her schedule, and she’d miss out on talking with groups that she is a little less interested in anyway? But what if she really LIKES those women? And she’s NOT looking forward to sprinting across campus wearing a recruitment-appropriate getup to make it to the band field on time. I’m trying to be supportive and encouraging, but she has almost given up. Pollyanna isn’t helping AT ALL.

Fingers crossed. Here we go.

[SquirrelyDays]

Welp, that didn’t last long.

Rosebud showed up early to the extra preview session. She hoped to see how it was all scheduled, and to ask if there was a way to still meet with representatives of all 12 groups even though she had to leave early. Turns out that they had planned a welcome speech, then 10 minutes with each group and 3 minutes “passing time” between each group for making notes.

Plot twist: She wasn’t even on the list. Her name didn’t appear. She was turned away at the door. What?!

The Panhellenic VP for Recruitment spoke with Rosebud and said that Rho Gam Kelsey should have told her not to come to the preview session at all. The preview event is intended to replace just one or two of the regular rounds of recruitment, not the whole week, which is completely logical. So, Rosebud will only be allowed to participate in COB this semester. Kelsey was actually nowhere to be found, despite having told Rosebud that she would be there and would walk around the room with her. Pan VPR is very annoyed with Rho Gam Kelsey.

Grr.

She didn’t even get a swag bag with Tshirts.

GRRRRRR.

[SquirrelyDays]

Don't despair. Pollyanna to the rescue: now there's plenty of time to change out of her recruitment dress and put on athletic clothes and saunter leisurely across campus to begin band camp while talking animatedly on the phone with Mama. Plan B didn't work, but we have Plan C ready to go: COB.

In the meantime: we learned that shy Shelly the suitemate has decided to wait until spring semester to participate in the informal recruitment sessions then. At least Rosebud will have a buddy to go through that process with if she doesn’t find a place through fall COB. Also, on Day 1 of Round 1 there was a tremendous thunderstorm in the middle of the recruitment parties, and the Rho Gams held the PNMs in silence in their locations for over an hour. Moms were freaking out all over Facebook because they couldn’t reach their daughters. Glad she missed that!

ALSO also: Rosebud’s marching band experience has been great from the moment she arrived on campus. She said the band has many traditions that feel like sorority things. She wore a tiny safety pin with ribbons of the school colors all week – like a pledge pin. She was placed in a “band buddies” group on the first day so new members could meet returning members – like bid day buddies. Plus her own instrument section is a big family already. The band has themed dress-up days and little contests that sound a lot like Polish Week team-builders. Her instrument section won the overall band spirit award on the last day, so it sounds like they work together well. She said there are ritual-like things and initiation-type moments that she won’t tell me about because I’m not in the band. Another band parent who lives local shared a shaky, blurry video of an inspiring twilight ceremony they have annually that concludes the first week of band camp, and it sure does feel familiar. At that ceremony band members receive a special pin to wear on their uniforms – sounds like pinning on a badge. Two band parents who are local professional photographers were roaming around during band camp taking fun candids and posed group photos, and posting them free for us far-away parents to download. (960 images to scroll through to find the 5 pictures she was in). Regardless of what happens with sorority rush, she has a home-away-from-home, and all of that fun has certainly distracted her from the SNAFU of recruitment.

Suitemates update: gymrat Gina was flipping out when she got home after Round 1 because her Rho Gam took her phone out of her hands (breaking the rules!) and entered her ranking choices for her (no no no!) … and entered them incorrectly. Her last preferred org was swapped with her Rank 2 org. Tears everywhere. (And that's why we don't DO that, silly Rho Gam.) Rosebud asked if there was anything to be done. I explained that really, that’s not a crisis. Almost no one gets invited back to ALL their preferred orgs. Her Rank 2 will probably move up. And she definitely should not get her mother to intervene on her behalf. If the Panhellenic VPR said, “deal with it,” then that’s what you do.

For Round 2, participants could visit a maximum of 9 organizations.
Gymrat Gina went back to El Retiro, Casements, Mangoes and Ca’ d’Zan.
Talented Tammy went back to El Retiro, Casements, Villa Vizcaya, and Ca’ d’Zan.

They were a little bummed to have less than half a schedule, but rallied.

For Round 3, with a max of 6, they returned to those same 4 orgs.
They were anxious, because out of those 4 orgs they each had 2 they definitely didn’t want and 2 that they were deciding between.
They each preffed at Casements and a chapter without a house, and they each SIP’d Casements and both received bids to Casements. Choosing to SIP is common on this campus because of the unhoused chapters. (SIP = single intentional preference = only writing 1 sorority on your bid card)

They were delighted with that result! We are happy for them. Strategically, though, it was the outcome with the least advantage for Rosebud. Casements was full to the brim last year and not likely to have COB spots that might be offered to a suitable suitemate who couldn’t make it to formal recruitment. Boo. Also, it started making the suite a little awkward because two of the girls were together all the time and the other two girls were a little bit left out. Just a bit.

And now I have been directed not to use the term “suitemates.” It’s weird, apparently.

[SquirrelyDays]

One week after recruitment, with absolutely no prompting from me, Rosebud marched her little off-brand Converse hi-tops into the FSL office to advocate for herself. She asked if she could get the Tshirts she paid for. Whomever she spoke with was shocked, SHOCKED I say, at her tale of her whole experience. They said she should have been informed that she would have to go directly to COB or spring rush as soon as she told Rho Gam Kelsey about the band camp time commitment, way back in the middle of the summer. They said that Pan VPR should have been more on top of it, and should been more gracious at the preview event. She was given the contact information for the Panhellenic President and “we’ll see what we can do” about the Tshirts. I’m not holding my breath.

Later that same day, Rosebud attended her first recruitment event with Tau Beta Sigma, the co-ed marching band service sorority. This is a natural fit for her because she was so involved with the marching band all throughout high school and contributed extraordinary amounts of her leisure time to making sure events ran smoothly. She often was first to arrive and last to leave. She promoted membership in the band to the feeder middle schools during annual campus visits, and made her closest friends through the band. She organized the equipment cabinets with Martha Stewart flair. Her college campus has chapters of both TBS and Kappa Kappa Psi, the co-ed marching band service fraternity. She said she would first visit TBS events to see how she gets along with those members because during band camp “KKPsi moves furniture and TBS hands out popsicles.” Eyeroll. She does know there is more to it than that. The two organizations both provide support to the band, like organizing uniforms and handing out lunch or snacks on game day, and yes, moving furniture. When Rosebud came to the campus as a high school student for the honor band weekend, TBS staffed the registration tables.

Happily, she had a great time at that evening recruitment event! The icebreakers she described to me would have made me run for the hills, but she loved them. And she loved the members! Because TBS is not an NPC organization, she could actually be a member of TBS and still participate in COB or spring rush if she chooses. And because she sees the TBS members 3 days a week at band practice, she’s getting to know them really well.

[SquirrelyDays]

So: on to fall COB!

The following week Rosebud was walking near the student union and the Ca’ d’Zan women were tabling for COB. She chatted with them and filled out their interest form at the table, and then she spent time talking with a second group of sisters in the coffee shop nearby. Smallest group on campus. Half the size of the next larger group, in fact. No house. At one point she said that was all stuff she didn’t want. However: After talking with them she called me saying, “They were REALLY nice! Like I’d actually be friends with these girls!” Two of her friends from back home had accepted bids at Ca’ d'Zan at other universities the week before. She thought that would be neat to be sisters on different campuses.

Then, Rosebud got a message via social media from Mangoes sending her their COB information. However, she was less inclined to consider joining Mangoes. Once classes started, the gossip did, too, and campus chatter said that the active members don’t really like each other and don’t spend time together outside of required events. Who knows if that is actually true. It doesn’t seem like it based on their super-active social media accounts! (Objectively, they have a great PR officer.) But she certainly listened to that tent talk (sans tent). If she meets some Mangoes members personally later, she might have a different opinion, but for now she doesn’t want to attend even one event with them.

Rosebud went with her two Casements (new member) roommates and some older (initiated) Casements sisters to a movie over one weekend, and then met up with them again one evening during the week to binge-watch a TV show. From her descriptions, it wasn’t clear to me whether these were COB events, or just them being gracious and welcoming. A few weeks later she went to a grab-a-date at a local professional sporting event with them, too, as her roommate Gina’s guest. Since Casements was the organization with the most members on campus last year, I think it’s unlikely that they have spots to fill. But stranger things have happened.

El Retiro had a few COB activities, but Rosebud said they were announced with very little lead time on their Instagram stories, and they were scheduled during band practice. Sadly, she missed them all.

(If you’re keeping track: that’s 3 of the original 6 organizations that I predicted might have extra room for more members, plus the roommates’ org.)

[SquirrelyDays]

Rosebud went to another COB event with Ca’ d’Zan later in the week and had a GREAT time… and then they offered her a bid. She was SO surprised. She didn’t think it could happen that fast. She thought she would be expected to attend more than just 2 events and the info table. They told her she didn’t have to accept or decline right away. She made a plan to attend a spin class with one of the members the next day, and then she called me. Over the next 3 days we had multiple pros-and-cons phone calls (which somehow always seemed to happen right as I was sitting down to order a meal in a restaurant). A summary:

PRO: She wants to be involved in something now, rather than waiting until next fall and missing a whole year. And there’s no guarantee that she would be offered a bid next year. It’s common for upperclassmen to receive a bid, but it’s not 100%. And no upperclassmen quota on this campus.

But CON: she really wanted to live in a sorority house. We have discussed that unless she receives a bid during freshman year, that probably won’t happen. If she initiates as a sophomore, then her first opportunity to live in the house would be during her junior year … right when she would be starting her upper-level courses on the specialized satellite campus which is 30 minutes away from sorority row on the main campus. She had planned to get an apartment near that satellite campus when those classes started. (Campus culture is that only freshmen live in the dorms anyway.) She COULD live in the house and commute to class, but it’s better to be occasionally late to social events than to risk being chronically late to class due to traffic, so a location close to the satellite campus was the plan. Especially because she doesn’t have her license yet and would have to rely on the college shuttle buses for transport. (Or accommodating friends.) (Or maybe just GET YOUR LICENSE, Rosebud, let's goooooo)

So she THINKS she wants to wait for spring rush. The number of organizations participating in spring rush would be fewer … and would probably still include Ca’ d’Zan. Rosebud thought it would be bad form to decline a bid in fall and then try to join again in spring. So, if she took “living in the house” out of the equation, she really felt like she WANTED to take the bid … but she still wasn’t SURE.

PRO: She likes the idea of knowing a small number of active sisters very well, rather than being in a crowd of women where she might not get to know each member personally.

Some CONs that I thought about, but did not share with her: probably lots of COB … all year long. There could be pressure from national leadership to grow, but maybe not. They might be fine with this chapter being small. Plus if she’s in an extroverted mood, meeting more new people every week isn’t exactly a crisis. It’s fun!

PRO: it’s less expensive. I had budgeted for the high end of the range of annual costs reported on the FSL website and it would be fine if she spent that much, but she’s just so practical that she took cost into consideration. And honestly, it’s not significantly less expensive because without a house they have “facilities rental fees” built into their budget since they pay to reserve locations for ritual and activities.

Ultimately she determined that she wanted to meet more sisters before deciding. I thought that was smart. IMHO, if it’s a very small group, it needs to be cohesive to survive. She doesn’t mind hard work, but she wants to enjoy the people she’s working with. If there is bickering in a group of 50 women, it’s hard to escape the one person who gets on your nerves the most – unlike a group of 150 women.

That spin class was a killer, by the way. She left gasping halfway through.