Quote:
Originally Posted by PJS
After several years, I happened to check in on the NPC Recruitment and Chapter Listing thread (what happened to irishpipes?) Anyway, I saw a post of mine (PNMs and early cuts) that had been bumped from many years ago. Reading it sent me down memory lane, and (after looking for my old password for 2 days) I thought I would return again to ask a question.
As I layed out in that old post, I had a daughter that was cut from my house during recruitment. Additional information is that I had another daughter who was also cut a couple years later. Both were quality pnms: 4.0 high school students with lengthy resumes. Both went on to successfully pledge another house, be involved members who held higher offices, graduate with bachelors and doctorate degrees and are continuing to live their best lives.
This is not a post about “why weren’t my daughters chosen;” life is way past that. My curiosity is how other moms that have been through that experience end up in terms of their relationship/involvement with their sorority. I mentioned in my original post that I was blindsided when my daughter was cut the second day by my house. Blindsided is absolutely the right word. Devastated might be a little dramatic, but close. I had no idea how much that was going to matter, or how much it would hurt. When it happened a second time to my younger daughter, I was much more prepared, cynical and thick skinned.
I had always loved my sorority, and really hoped I would feel the same about it again someday. That has not happened. It’s kind of like a scar that just doesn’t have any sensation anymore. There was a time that I was an involved alum. Now I’m completely apathetic toward the organization and volunteer neither time nor money. Interestingly, right after my daughters’ college experience, my sorority had a Legacy Project that was supposed to highlight the importance of legacies to the actives. Just a dozen years later Fraternity Council turned tail with the rest of the crowd and expunged legacy status from having any meaning whatsoever. I do wonder what the long term effects of that will be.
My guess is that many parents who have had the same experience are no longer involved as alums in their sorority/fraternity, but maybe I’m wrong. Thoughts?
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You are definitely not alone. It is very normal to feel hurt (devastated, even) when something like this happens and for it to color how you see the organization as a whole and your loyalty to it moving forward.
I know someone who went through something very similar. She ceased all monetary donations to the national organization and participation in local alumni events, but did continue to be involved in her chapter's alumni group, so she occasionally goes to pledge class or chapter reunions.
Her reasoning was that she enjoyed her experience and the sorority friends she made in college, and she wants to maintain the bonds built there while also distancing herself from the sector of the organization that made or okayed the decision to exclude her daughter. Since her chapter wasn't the one that cut her daughter, this works for her.
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