Should I initiate at a non-local college or try for alumnae initiation elsewhere?

[thetalady]

Originally Posted by Titchou

You appear to be a freshman so Greek life has not passed you by yet...many women pledge as upperclassmen.

Titchou- she posted "I'm a non-traditional student, so I would fit in at an alumnae group age-wise and lifestyle-wise I think."

Although she may be a freshman, it sounds like she is a good bit older than 18-19. Another bid at a later date from a collegiate chapter doesn't sound like a possibility.

[Cheerio]

Originally Posted by newtotheu

I had inquired about alumnae initiation of ABC Sorority before rushing/starting at my college. They e-mailed me today with an application. I know alumnae initiation can be a long-shot. It's a local alumnae group of a different sorority than the on-campus sorority that offered me a bid.

I'm torn on what to do.I'm a non-traditional student, so I would fit in at an alumnae group age-wise and lifestyle-wise I think.

Originally Posted by thetalady

Titchou- she posted "I'm a non-traditional student, so I would fit in at an alumnae group age-wise and lifestyle-wise I think."

Although she may be a freshman, it sounds like she is a good bit older than 18-19. Another bid at a later date from a collegiate chapter doesn't sound like a possibility.

Additionally, not many 18-20 year-old students attempt to apply for AI BEFORE attending a normal NPC recruitment.

[newtotheu]

Originally Posted by thetalady

...Another bid at a later date from a collegiate chapter doesn't sound like a possibility.

I don't think I would have a chance at a collegiate bid again. Partly for my age/life stage and partly since, if I give up my current college's bid, I doubt they would offer me a bid next year.

My local colleges are SEC and I would have no real chance of bids there. Even 18 year olds with 4.0 high school GPAs, perfect personalities, and that look like they just got out of a beauty contest at my local colleges don't all get bids.

[NYCMS]

Originally Posted by newtotheu

My local colleges are SEC and I would have no real chance of bids there. Even 18 year olds with 4.0 high school GPAs, perfect personalities, and that look like they just got out of a beauty contest at my local colleges don't all get bids.

That's not true. The system is now designed that every girl who goes through rush and maximizes their opportunity (ranks the final two houses they attend instead of ranking only one house and refusing to take a bid from the other house), they will get a bid.

Many girls at colleges, especially super competitive SEC colleges, will drop out but claim otherwise to avoid telling the truth....they usually drop out because they didn't like the houses that invited them back, they thought the houses weren't good enough or that they are better than those houses.

Edited: PNM's do get dropped - reputation, grades, social media issues - and the first round of drops are usually grades, so if they don't have the grades needed, then they will be dropped. But many PNM's do drop out because they don't like their remaining options and then they claim to have been dropped. Bottom line: If you have poor grades, problematic social media and poor reputation, don't be surprised if all houses drop you.

[thetalady]

Originally Posted by NYCMS

It is rare for a PNM to be outright dropped by all houses.

I have to disagree with you. There are plenty of girls who are dropped from recruitment altogether due to issues like grades, reputation, problematic social media, etc.

[NYCMS]

Originally Posted by thetalady

I have to disagree with you. There are plenty of girls who are dropped from recruitment altogether due to issues like grades, reputation, problematic social media, etc.

And I agree with you - I should have clarified my statement. I was referencing what I felt was a generalized statement about girls getting dropped. Yes, girls are dropped for the reasons you said, but I find many are the ones dropping and then complaining that they were dropped. Good clarification!

[newtotheu]

Originally Posted by thetalady

I have to disagree with you. There are plenty of girls who are dropped from recruitment altogether due to issues like grades, reputation, problematic social media, etc.

Interesting. Perhaps people are getting dropped more for these preventable reasons that I had realized, or choosing to drop recruitment if they didn't get their desired bid. I still can't imagine standing a chance as a transfer student at a competitive Greek school, but maybe I would.

[newtotheu]

Originally Posted by NYCMS

That's not true. The system is now designed that every girl who goes through rush and maximizes their opportunity (ranks the final two houses they attend instead of ranking only one house and refusing to take a bid from the other house), they will get a bid.

Many girls at colleges, especially super competitive SEC colleges, will drop out but claim otherwise to avoid telling the truth....they usually drop out because they didn't like the houses that invited them back, they thought the houses weren't good enough or that they are better than those houses.

Edited: PNM's do get dropped - reputation, grades, social media issues - and the first round of drops are usually grades, so if they don't have the grades needed, then they will be dropped. But many PNM's do drop out because they don't like their remaining options and then they claim to have been dropped. Bottom line: If you have poor grades, problematic social media and poor reputation, don't be surprised if all houses drop you.

That's good to know. At my local college, only 62% of those participating in sorority recruitment last year got bids. It didn't break down who dropped on their own vs. didn't get a bid, so maybe it really is that so many dropped on their own accord.

[navane]

Originally Posted by newtotheu

I don't think I would have a chance at a collegiate bid again. Partly for my age/life stage and partly since, if I give up my current college's bid, I doubt they would offer me a bid next year.

My local colleges are SEC and I would have no real chance of bids there. Even 18 year olds with 4.0 high school GPAs, perfect personalities, and that look like they just got out of a beauty contest at my local colleges don't all get bids.

Would you mind telling us more specifically about your situation? Not the family emergency part, but your demographics. For example, does "non-traditional student" mean that you are married, 40 years old, with two children? I understand if you might hesitate to share additional details, but I think we'd be able to help you a little more if we understood where you are at currently.

[newtotheu]

Originally Posted by navane

Would you mind telling us more specifically about your situation? Not the family emergency part, but your demographics. For example, does "non-traditional student" mean that you are married, 40 years old, with two children? I understand if you might hesitate to share additional details, but I think we'd be able to help you a little more if we understood where you are at currently.

I will likely lose my parent soon. I wouldn't let sorority interfere with time with family, but I also want something to look forward to/social support of some level during a hellish time.

For non-traditional demographics, I'm 23- almost 24 but look older, single, no kids, autistic, work full-time, had a job since I was 14, plus size, have MS, currently a virtual student across the country, part of the LGBTQ crowd, returning to college but have few credits that will transfer in since my new school doesn't have equivalent classes so I've got 3.5-4 years left of college, childhood family is low-income, off-campus commuter student usually, first generation college student, mixed ethnic family, etc. I know I'm "old" for a sorority and was afraid to post my age out of getting slammed for it, but I still do have a student-focused lifestyle. I've had depression/anxiety and eating disorders, and also didn't know I was autistic until I was an adult. Those things kind of set me back academically for a long time until now. I've lost 2 older brothers already (cancer and heart failure). They were way older than me. My grandma raised me most of the time, so I feel like I'm non-traditional or a bit different in a few ways. I've got 3.5-4 years of college left so I still have plenty of time to experience greek life. Being autistic I've always been kind of socially/developmentally behind so I think I will still fit in to a college crowd in 4 years. I never pursued it before because I couldn't afford greek life and was a commuter student before.

[navane]

Originally Posted by newtotheu

I will likely lose my parent soon. I wouldn't let sorority interfere with time with family, but I also want something to look forward to/social support of some level during a hellish time.

Oh no, I am sorry to hear that you are facing the loss of your parent. Saying goodbye to a loved one is never easy and it's tough to face so many decisions in what I imagine is a sad time for you.

For non-traditional demographics, I'm 23- almost 24 but look older, single, no kids, autistic, work full-time, had a job since I was 14, plus size, have MS, currently a virtual student across the country, part of the LGBTQ crowd, returning to college but have few credits that will transfer in since my new school doesn't have equivalent classes so I've got 3.5-4 years left of college, childhood family is low-income, off-campus commuter student usually, first generation college student, mixed ethnic family, etc.

I know I'm "old" for a sorority and was afraid to post my age out of getting slammed for it, but I still do have a student-focused lifestyle. I've had depression/anxiety and eating disorders, and also didn't know I was autistic until I was an adult. Those things kind of set me back academically for a long time until now. I've lost 2 older brothers already (cancer and heart failure). They were way older than me. My grandma raised me most of the time, so I feel like I'm non-traditional or a bit different in a few ways. I've got 3.5-4 years of college left so I still have plenty of time to experience greek life. Being autistic I've always been kind of socially/developmentally behind so I think I will still fit in to a college crowd in 4 years. I never pursued it before because I couldn't afford greek life and was a commuter student before.

Thank you for being brave and for your honesty!

Ok...there's a lot to unpack here. Thank you for your willingness to let us have a little more insight. This will help us better help you sort out the best course of action. I hope it's alright, but I will be honest with you about my opinions, ok?

Edited to add: Other people were posting replies while I was drafting my response. So, others have touched on some of these discussion points already.

First...without knowing the specific campus you attend, most of these things aren't some kind of major dealbreaker in and of themselves. I think you may be overthinking a lot of these things based on sterotypes of sororities. For example, things like being 23/24 years old, coming from a mixed race family or a low-income childhood have zero bearing to me. Then again, I'm from Southern California. Maybe these factors are a big deal elsewhere in the country or at really expensive universities. (???)

Working full time, plus size, LGBTQ, MS....alone those aren't insurmountable. Adding depression/anxiety and eating disorder in start to make the odds lower. So, putting all those factors all together at once is quite a bit of an obstacle course to get through in terms of getting through sorority recruitment. Now, it's not because sororities are "afraid" of MS, or because sororities are biased against depression, or because LGBTQ is not welcome....No! That is not the case! It's because all of these factors lining up signal that it could be more difficult for you to be a full participating member and to a) contribute to the sorority and b) receive your full benefit of being a member.

Being on the autism spectrum "could" be a factor in that you report some struggles with socializing with large groups, etc. and that is a large part of what rushing and being a sorority member is about. BUT....you are not the first person on the spectrum that Greek life has ever seen!

Here's the kicker - YOU RECEIVED A BID!

There is a sorority that wants YOU for a member! YOU GOT PICKED!!

Originally Posted by carnation

Most sororities refuse to discuss AI with an undergrad.

Carnation is correct. We need to discuss this AI idea with you.

Alumnae initiation polices vary from sorority to sorority. Generally speaking, most, if not all, sororities require you to be fully out of college (undergrad) before you can be considered for AI. Some don't require any college at all and some require the candidate to have some college completed (2 years) or hold a bachelor's degree. As an undergraduate student, you will likely not be eligible for AI - you are expected to go through sorority recruitment like everyone else. If they sent you the materials, it may be because they weren't aware that you are still an undergraduate student.

Second, there are ZERO guarantees that you will be offered AI. AI is not a situation where you submit an application in the mail and then they write back offer you a bid. Nope. In many ways, AI can be considered more difficult than sorority rush. You will most certainly have to attend in-person events with the alumnae chapter over the course of many months. The alumnae chapter will probably question you about why a 23 year old is trying to AI. All of the factors you mentioned above will still be in play and now you're potentially facing a crowd of 40 to 80 year olds to tell your life story.

Next, alumnae membership is not at all like collegiate membership. Going to a luncheon with older women is not the same as going to a football tailgate party with a bunch of co-eds. If you're looking for the "sorority experience", you will not likely find it in the way you hope with AI.

You said above, "I also want something to look forward to/social support of some level during a hellish time." That's completely understandable. To be honest with you, being approved for AI is a LONG process. It can be as quick as 3-6 months or it could potentially take 3 YEARS once you're eligible.....and you're not currently eligible until you leave undergrad. Your family situation is happening right NOW.....AI is not going to be a support system to you at the present time.


So.......it sounds to me that the dilemma is this:

1) Initiate with the sorority which offered you a bid this semester. Possibly not ever return back to that campus. The sorority would have to put you on alumnae status. That sorority does not have a collegiate or alumnae chapter in your current area. You would be a member, but you wouldn't have sisters in your area to interact with.

2) Withdraw from pledging your current sorority. Wait 4 years to graduate. Apply for AI with a group closer to you. Understand that they may not offer you membership at all.


Honestly? I would probably stick with the sorority that is offering you a bid today. You said there was still a chance for you to return to that campus in spring semester. Even if not, you may be able to work with your sorority to go on some kind of inactive status with a pending return Fall 2022. It is possible that you may not ever receive a bid again. Your current sorority could open up an alumnae chapter near you in the future. There are a lot of variables. However, in your case, it may be wise to take the deal you have right now.

[andthen]

Originally Posted by navane

So.......it sounds to me that the dilemma is this:

1) Initiate with the sorority which offered you a bid this semester. Possibly not ever return back to that campus. The sorority would have to put you on alumnae status. That sorority does not have a collegiate or alumnae chapter in your current area. You would be a member, but you wouldn't have sisters in your area to interact with.

2) Withdraw from pledging your current sorority. Wait 4 years to graduate. Apply for AI with a group closer to you. Understand that they may not offer you membership at all.


Honestly? I would probably stick with the sorority that is offering you a bid today. You said there was still a chance for you to return to that campus in spring semester. Even if not, you may be able to work with your sorority to go on some kind of inactive status with a pending return Fall 2022. It is possible that you may not ever receive a bid again. Your current sorority could open up an alumnae chapter near you in the future. There are a lot of variables. However, in your case, it may be wise to take the deal you have right now.

First off I'm sorry you're dealing with a lot outside of school at the moment. It does sound like you're juggling a lot of big decisions in life and I also want to commend you for being open and honest, not only with a bunch of strangers here but also your concern for the sorority who offered you a bid and not wanting to feel like you are stringing them along, if circumstances don't pan out that would allow you to move and attend classes on campus.

I think some very valid points were brought up regarding staying with the current group in the hopes that perhaps if you can't attend in person this academic year, perhaps its possible next academic year.

Also, as you mentioned your group doesn't have an active presence near to where your home is at currently but much can change.

As others have mentioned up thread you have to go with what is best for you and prioritize your own health and well-being. I've dealt with ailing family members and during those times I had to scale back other things I was doing outside of work (since my college days are behind me) just so I could keep the focus of my free time to care for that ailing family member.

I think you've clearly put a lot of thought into this and wishing you the best whichever path you find is best for you. I think you've gotten some very sound advice, as these posters are very knowledgeable.

[carnation]

Troll alert!

[newtotheu]

Originally Posted by andthen

First off I'm sorry you're dealing with a lot outside of school at the moment. It does sound like you're juggling a lot of big decisions in life and I also want to commend you for being open and honest, not only with a bunch of strangers here but also your concern for the sorority who offered you a bid and not wanting to feel like you are stringing them along, if circumstances don't pan out that would allow you to move and attend classes on campus.

I think some very valid points were brought up regarding staying with the current group in the hopes that perhaps if you can't attend in person this academic year, perhaps its possible next academic year.

Also, as you mentioned your group doesn't have an active presence near to where your home is at currently but much can change.

As others have mentioned up thread you have to go with what is best for you and prioritize your own health and well-being. I've dealt with ailing family members and during those times I had to scale back other things I was doing outside of work (since my college days are behind me) just so I could keep the focus of my free time to care for that ailing family member.

I think you've clearly put a lot of thought into this and wishing you the best whichever path you find is best for you. I think you've gotten some very sound advice, as these posters are very knowledgeable.

Thanks. I do have a lot going on outside of school right now. I don't want to miss out on spending time with an ill family member so it might work out eventually if I talk to my collegiate sorority that offered a bid and see if they can 'wait' (inactive me?) until next semester or next fall. I still hope I can move there, but fall 2022 is probably more realistic. In the chance I can't move across the country in the next year, I would love to try to help them form some sort of local chapter here if I could. I hadn't realized most groups want people 4-5 years out of college for AI and since I enrolled this fall, I would have to wait years for that (unless I found a group that didn't require a long time out of college). I still have years more of college so I hope I can eventually be active in my collegiate sorority and make their bid to me worth their while. I do feel bad I can't be active this semester, but I suppose it's not all that uncommon for a sister to take a semester off (for family, health, study abroad, etc.). I think I'm going to think things through for a few days then approach my new sorority and see their thoughts on me being inactive (or whatever) if I can't move there soon.

[newtotheu]

Originally Posted by navane

Oh no, I am sorry to hear that you are facing the loss of your parent. Saying goodbye to a loved one is never easy and it's tough to face so many decisions in what I imagine is a sad time for you.




Thank you for being brave and for your honesty!

Ok...there's a lot to unpack here. Thank you for your willingness to let us have a little more insight. This will help us better help you sort out the best course of action. I hope it's alright, but I will be honest with you about my opinions, ok?

Edited to add: Other people were posting replies while I was drafting my response. So, others have touched on some of these discussion points already.

First...without knowing the specific campus you attend, most of these things aren't some kind of major dealbreaker in and of themselves. I think you may be overthinking a lot of these things based on sterotypes of sororities. For example, things like being 23/24 years old, coming from a mixed race family or a low-income childhood have zero bearing to me. Then again, I'm from Southern California. Maybe these factors are a big deal elsewhere in the country or at really expensive universities. (???)

Working full time, plus size, LGBTQ, MS....alone those aren't insurmountable. Adding depression/anxiety and eating disorder in start to make the odds lower. So, putting all those factors all together at once is quite a bit of an obstacle course to get through in terms of getting through sorority recruitment. Now, it's not because sororities are "afraid" of MS, or because sororities are biased against depression, or because LGBTQ is not welcome....No! That is not the case! It's because all of these factors lining up signal that it could be more difficult for you to be a full participating member and to a) contribute to the sorority and b) receive your full benefit of being a member.

Being on the autism spectrum "could" be a factor in that you report some struggles with socializing with large groups, etc. and that is a large part of what rushing and being a sorority member is about. BUT....you are not the first person on the spectrum that Greek life has ever seen!

Here's the kicker - YOU RECEIVED A BID!

There is a sorority that wants YOU for a member! YOU GOT PICKED!!




Carnation is correct. We need to discuss this AI idea with you.

Alumnae initiation polices vary from sorority to sorority. Generally speaking, most, if not all, sororities require you to be fully out of college (undergrad) before you can be considered for AI. Some don't require any college at all and some require the candidate to have some college completed (2 years) or hold a bachelor's degree. As an undergraduate student, you will likely not be eligible for AI - you are expected to go through sorority recruitment like everyone else. If they sent you the materials, it may be because they weren't aware that you are still an undergraduate student.

Second, there are ZERO guarantees that you will be offered AI. AI is not a situation where you submit an application in the mail and then they write back offer you a bid. Nope. In many ways, AI can be considered more difficult than sorority rush. You will most certainly have to attend in-person events with the alumnae chapter over the course of many months. The alumnae chapter will probably question you about why a 23 year old is trying to AI. All of the factors you mentioned above will still be in play and now you're potentially facing a crowd of 40 to 80 year olds to tell your life story.

Next, alumnae membership is not at all like collegiate membership. Going to a luncheon with older women is not the same as going to a football tailgate party with a bunch of co-eds. If you're looking for the "sorority experience", you will not likely find it in the way you hope with AI.

You said above, "I also want something to look forward to/social support of some level during a hellish time." That's completely understandable. To be honest with you, being approved for AI is a LONG process. It can be as quick as 3-6 months or it could potentially take 3 YEARS once you're eligible.....and you're not currently eligible until you leave undergrad. Your family situation is happening right NOW.....AI is not going to be a support system to you at the present time.


So.......it sounds to me that the dilemma is this:

1) Initiate with the sorority which offered you a bid this semester. Possibly not ever return back to that campus. The sorority would have to put you on alumnae status. That sorority does not have a collegiate or alumnae chapter in your current area. You would be a member, but you wouldn't have sisters in your area to interact with.

2) Withdraw from pledging your current sorority. Wait 4 years to graduate. Apply for AI with a group closer to you. Understand that they may not offer you membership at all.


Honestly? I would probably stick with the sorority that is offering you a bid today. You said there was still a chance for you to return to that campus in spring semester. Even if not, you may be able to work with your sorority to go on some kind of inactive status with a pending return Fall 2022. It is possible that you may not ever receive a bid again. Your current sorority could open up an alumnae chapter near you in the future. There are a lot of variables. However, in your case, it may be wise to take the deal you have right now.

Thanks for the advice. I was thrilled to get the bid that I did, and it probably does make the most sense to take it.

Since I enrolled this fall, it sounds like a lot of groups would make me wait years to be considered for AI. I haven't e-mailed the AI group that emailed me this week asking if they, too, require being years out of school but I need to email them back. Years to go the AI route sounds much less desirable than trying to make my collegiate bid work out. Months to years for a chance at being considered for AI is further in the future than I was hoping.

A crowd of 40-80 at a luncheon is a good point. While I feel "old" for a collegiate sorority, I also would probably feel like I stand out at a AI group if ages tend to be 40+. A luncheon sounds like a very different sorority experience than college, too, and honestly I'm hoping for more of a collegiate sorority experience than luncheons/business networking events.

I can also see how these things (autism spectrum, though "mild", a recovered eating disorder, MS - not yet noticeable other than getting a bit tired, and depression- sometimes not as functional) would make organizations feel like I might have a hard time being active or participating in everything. Virtual recruitment really helped with the noise/crowd factor, but once things get back to in-person, I have considered that some large greek events will be hard for me. I'm hoping any group I'm in will understand if I miss events due to health/whatever at some point, but I know it might end up being an issue during busier event weeks where I might not be able to last through endless events like some other people.

I'm going to also think about my overall situation the next few days and reach out to my collegiate sorority to talk to them about my potential moving timeline. That would ease a lot of my feeling like I'm stringing them along, and maybe they have options I don't know about. I'm hoping I can still participate in new member meetings and things virtually but I'm not sure when they plan to go back to in-person. Maybe they could put me inactive until spring or even next fall if I can move by then. I would still have years of college left to be active. I still hope my family situation improves and spring to move works out somehow. If I never get to move, I would love to be a part of this sorority starting some sort of chapter here if that's possible.

My main reason for not wanting to initiate my collegiate sorority was just that they have no local chapters if I can't move across the country in the near future. But I hadn't considered enough that this could change and they start a new alumnae chapter or a local collegiate chapter. I hope my collegiate chapter will be understanding when I approach them about by moving plans/timeline and that I can enjoy some virtual sorority meetings/events while I can. Not being in person there also will probably give me more time at the moment with family too.