Help!

[Stuffy1]

Thank you, Titchou, I found the language I was looking for in the manual. Thetalady, I have seen 2 text messages that appear to be very clear (one is "yes or no"). There may be another explanation but, at this point, I don't see what it is. Her advisor has been lovely and very supportive of my daughter. Young women make mistakes I know how hard these girls work, and what they give up to help the Freshmen and, if she did share incorrect info., I am sure that she will feel awful, too. I just wish that I had been more involved with that particular aspect of the process so could have perhaps prevented this situation.

[Cheerio]

Originally Posted by Stuffy1

My daughter just went through recruitment at a small school. She was cut from all of the houses except her last choice after being recruited by several houses through rush dates, etc... She is very active on campus, has lots of friends, good grades and good recs. This was a total surprise to her and everyone who knows her. Before she went to Pref night, she told her recruitment adviser how upset she was and that she didn't think she wanted to be in the sorority that had asked her back. She was willing to give it a chance to see if there were any girls that she knew in the pledge class, but wanted to keep the COB option open and not penalize herself if she decided to go there rush as a Sophomore. Her advisers incorrectly told her (on repeated occasions, in texts and in person) that she would be able to be part of COB if she went to Bid Night but then pulled out of the sorority if she just didn't think that it would work. Fast forward to 3 days after Bid night and my daughter still hasn't made any connections with any girls (she has really tried in all possible occasions, it is just not a fit) and she has just now realized that COB isn't an option because she went to Bid Night. She is devastated and upset that she received incorrect information from her 2 advisers and that this has precluded her from participating in COB and will possibly reflect negatively on her if she rushes as a sophomore. Does she has any recourse? She has made an appointment to talk to the faculty adviser. She is devastated by all of this and has no idea what her next steps should be. I have already told her to give the house a chance but she has very good judgment and is 90% convinced this will not work out. She is also concerned about offending the house that offered her the bid and the girls in the pledge class and wants to handle things in a way that is kind and respectful and does not hurt the feelings of anyone involved. She would really like to be in a sorority and is incredibly disappointed in how this has worked out.

Originally Posted by Stuffy1

Thank you all for your advice. I agree with most of it. I actually am greek, a member of a large national sorority from a big greek school, but don't remember the in's and out's of recruitment from 30 years ago and my sorority doesn't have a chapter on this campus. And I do understand that 3 days is a short time but, in 3 days, my daughter has had 4 activities and 3 days of "group text chats" where most of the pledges participate. No one talks and 2 girls had been drinking at the latest freshman chapter activity on a Sunday afternoon. Additionally, since she has been on her small campus since August, she is very well aware of the reputation of the house and the girls. And, while we do understand the MRABA now, in looking at it on-line, I can understand how my daughter could have been confused about the COB option, or lack thereof, in the confusion/emotions after pref night and looking at the language through the lens of her advisor's (who is a great girl and has been so supportive) incorrect advice. I'm a lawyer and I look at language all day. An adult would have questioned it further, perhaps, but she thought that she had and it is not crystal clear. We have heard from reliable sources that there are several houses offering COBs but know no other details than that. I agree that there is no way to predict what could happen there given all of the circumstances and that it would be a risk in every way. She will talk to the faculty advisor today to share what happened and to discuss any possible options, none of which seem great right now. I am definitely encouraging her to keep an open mind and make a sincere effort. At the very least her conversation with the faculty adviser may highlight a weakness in the training program that could prevent another girl from going through this in the future. It is really awful that this has happened to her, she should have been able to make the best decision for her with correct and complete information. Also, I have seen the texts and her questions and the answers are very clear. It sounds like her best option is to keep trying until initiation and then just try to come up with a respectful reason to drop out if her feelings don't change. My biggest fear is that other chapters will hold it against her if she decides to go through recruitment next winter. She is very open-minded about sororities and would have been happy with any option but this one, it is not a case where she had her heart sent only on one or two houses.

Originally Posted by Stuffy1

TXDG, I understand your thoughts but not every situation is as cut and dried as you outline. There are many variables to every recruitment situation, including those which I am not comfortable outlining on-line. It is just not true that this is her only option of ever being in a sorority on this campus and I have several other experienced advisers who know more details who have a different opinion. That being said, I, and my daughter, understand the challenges associated with all of the choices and we appreciate everyone's thoughts. She will make the best of whatever decision she makes. Btw, she didn't, and never would, cry at the house on bid day or "make a stink" to the advisor. And, I am also a DG from Texas so not completely clueless about all of this. Further, I would really hope that if an error in information is pointed out to a faculty adviser, that adviser would respect my daughter's confidentiality and try to help her navigate through the situation and options the best she can. As well as to explain to anyone with a "need to know" what happened and how it impacted her. If the adviser does not, then we have even bigger problems. Thanks again everyone.

Originally Posted by Stuffy1

Thank you, Titchou, I found the language I was looking for in the manual. Thetalady, I have seen 2 text messages that appear to be very clear (one is "yes or no"). There may be another explanation but, at this point, I don't see what it is. Her advisor has been lovely and very supportive of my daughter. Young women make mistakes I know how hard these girls work, and what they give up to help the Freshmen and, if she did share incorrect info., I am sure that she will feel awful, too. I just wish that I had been more involved with that particular aspect of the process so could have perhaps prevented this situation.

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