It's not about ME-A mom's rush story

[Momoffour]

I have to disagree. Yes, it is not my school and my organization isn't on campus. However, I have a lot of friends who are Alumnae for other groups and I became very aware as to what the sought after, strong groups on her campus were. When I say strong, I don't mean any disrespect, but to say that all groups on a particular campus are equal would be naive. (Grades, size, recruiting strength, Alumnae support, etc) Additionally, there are organizations that are more numerous in some regions than in others. Being that I'm heavily involved in our community, (Junior League, Women's Medical Auxiliary, etc) I have a lot of Panhellenic connections. The point was that even though my daughter was never uninvited and had a full schedule, she chose a smaller group that is struggling with their numbers. They didn't make quota and are about 30 off from total. In our community, it is assumed that our girls will pledge certain chapters. (Old row at Alabama would be an example.) During Rush, I wanted to tell her she should choose another group, but I kept my mouth shut. Saying that it has been easy would be a lie. When I read about mothers interfering in their daughter's Rush experiences, I really thought it was crazy. After going through it with my own daughter, I can easily see how this happens. I know that she is VERY happy. And the bottom line is that it was HER Rush not mine.

[TLLK]

And the bottom line is that it was HER Rush not mine.

Next year my daughter and I could be in the exact same position so I am so glad that you stated this today.

In 1981 my mother who was a charter member of our DG chapter was living those exact words. She wisely held her tongue when I mentioned that I liked a group that didn't have a strong national and let me make my own choices. In the end I joined my legacy house and two years later my younger sister joined as well. However if we'd found our home at one of the other chapters, I know that my mother would have lead the mother's group and volunteered when necessary in order to support us.

I don't know if my daughter will choose to go through recruitment next year. However if she does I hope that I will be the cheerleader and listener that she requires me to be during those days.

[DGTess]

Originally Posted by Momoffour

I have to disagree. Yes, it is not my school and my organization isn't on campus. However, I have a lot of friends who are Alumnae for other groups and I became very aware as to what the sought after, strong groups on her campus were. When I say strong, I don't mean any disrespect, but to say that all groups on a particular campus are equal would be naive. (Grades, size, recruiting strength, Alumnae support, etc) Additionally, there are organizations that are more numerous in some regions than in others. Being that I'm heavily involved in our community, (Junior League, Women's Medical Auxiliary, etc) I have a lot of Panhellenic connections. The point was that even though my daughter was never uninvited and had a full schedule, she chose a smaller group that is struggling with their numbers. They didn't make quota and are about 30 off from total. In our community, it is assumed that our girls will pledge certain chapters. (Old row at Alabama would be an example.) During Rush, I wanted to tell her she should choose another group, but I kept my mouth shut. Saying that it has been easy would be a lie. When I read about mothers interfering in their daughter's Rush experiences, I really thought it was crazy. After going through it with my own daughter, I can easily see how this happens. I know that she is VERY happy. And the bottom line is that it was HER Rush not mine.

What I'm reading here is "her sorority isn't good enough for me". Perhaps that's not what you mean, but you're sending the vibe that "she could do better".

Good thing it's best for her.

[NYCMS]

First I can understand your concern and also disappointment that your sorority has no chapter at this school.

And I have a question.

Your daughter pledged a "smaller" chapter. Does that mean it's struggling to meet quota each year? Or does it mean it's simply smaller (but OK on quota) and therefore not seen as strong. i certainly understand wanting her in a strong chapter but good on you that you let her find her own way!

[sigmaceli]

Thank you for sharing this. I am sure it was a really tough time for both mom and new member alike!

I sincerely hope that your daughter continues to fall in love with her new sisterhood, and who knows? Maybe she and her new member class will be the group that helps them to turn their chapter around in recruitment and helps to improve their reputation on campus.

[TriDeltaSallie]

Originally Posted by DGTess

What I'm reading here is "her sorority isn't good enough for me". Perhaps that's not what you mean, but you're sending the vibe that "she could do better".

Good thing it's best for her.

That's how I read it as well. I have to admit, I've been surprised the OP has not been raked over the coals. GreekChat must be mellowing.

My takeaway is the OP seems to have raised a strong young woman who knows what she's about and could care less about appearances. That's the bottom line and it will serve her well.

[navane]

Originally Posted by TriDeltaSallie

That's how I read it as well. I have to admit, I've been surprised the OP has not been raked over the coals. GreekChat must be mellowing.

Same here; but, I think Mom is getting credit for the fact that she had enough self-awareness to admit that she was projecting her own wants and ego onto her daughter. She does outright say that she came to the conclusion that she needed to let the daughter have her own rush.

Originally Posted by Momoffour

I know that it's also an ego thing for me, because we are very prominent in our community, and would love to be able to say that she pledged one of the bigger, stronger southern houses.

Mom, perhaps you can use your prominent social standing for good to promote your daughter's organization and help end the social stigmas around certain GLOs not being good enough for Southern families. For example, if an acquaintance asks you where you daughter pledged, avoid saying, "Oh....well....she went to Pref for fancy, prestigious, Southern XYZ chapter; but, against my advice she put down lesser, ABC chapter and accepted a bid from them. I tried to talk to her out of it; but, she wanted ABC more."

Instead, you can say something more gracious and dignified like, "She happily accepted a bid to ABC, has made lots of friends so far and is loving it. I wasn't too familiar with ABC at first; but, did you know that they support Such-and-Such philanthropy? I learned that the ABC foundation raised $3.8 million dollars for such-and-such last year alone. What a great organization!"