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oldalum,
Here's what I do.
First, put nothing on paper. Write the rec, and attach a Post-It note that says "CALL ME FIRST" with your name and phone number.
When the adviser calls, tell her whatever you need to tell her to discourage them from giving her a bid. Make sure you're alone and in a room with the doors closed! Tell your daughter nothing about how you felt about this girl. Tell your husband nothing. You don't want anybody "leaking" that you sent a No rec on the girl. And keep your own mouth shut!
I seriously doubt that the Fab Girl will even consider your chapter since it's not one of the old and favored status groups.
If anything comes up, you can honestly say, "Of course I made sure my sorority had a rec! but these girls....I don't have a vote, I only send them my recommendation."
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