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I've been a bridesmaid in two weddings for friends who were marrying guys that I had some serious reservations about their desire to get married. Its such a complicated issue. For them both I agreed to participate they were both out of town weddings as my friends lived in different cities, so my involvement in pre-ceremony activities was nil. For one friend my unhappiness with the situation was apparent, several months later we chatted about it and we came to an understanding, surprisingly my friend was very understanding of my feelings and appreciated me telling her. For the second wedding which occurred about 4 years after the first one, I sucked it up as best as I could and put on a happy face the bride was none the wiser (at least as far as I know).
I agree with thetalady, if you have such strong negative feelings about the union I would seriously consider your decision. I don't know your friend's situation if he has other male friends or family members he could ask? And yes I think if you ultimately decide to not participate, I would express your feelings and concerns if at all possible in person and have a conversation with the two of you only. His fiancée doesn't need to be involved.
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