Graduated GDI dating Sorority Girl

[amIblue?]

Originally Posted by geedeamonggreek

Hey everyone!

I was a guy that was always on the fence about Greek Life, but ended up deciding not to do it throughout my four years of college. Things just got busy for me, plus I couldn't afford to at my undergrad school. Nothing against it, it's just something that slipped through the cracks on time commitment for me. (Two jobs, leading another organization, needing time to focus on studies!)
However, I'm about to start my new job and my MBA at a smaller school in the same community as the big four year school I attended and got my Undergrad, I'm currently dating a girl a little younger than me who is actively involved in her sorority, but still says she's very committed to me. I know this for a fact, as I'm very committed to her as well!

The situation I find myself in is during the infamous time of work week and recruitment, it's something that is taken seriously here, and while it is somewhat possible to see her during Work Week, she's not allowed to leave the house for 8 days for formal recruitment, until Bid Day activities are over.

I understand that rules are rules, and especially that we both will be busy as well. Accepting a graduate assistant spot in athletics is never easy in the late summer/early fall, and classes on top of that aren't fun either. For her, and really everyone else that's working on rush, it's a pretty big deal at this school.

However, she reassures me things will be back to normal eventually. Granted yes, we spent all summer with each other, stayed with each other almost every night, and traveled as much as we could. To say we were spoiled is an understatement sometimes. So I'm not expecting for her to stay with me every night when classes start, but I worry that while she says "It's only a week", I just don't want our connection to go away and die down because she gets so close to her chapter, and forgetting about me after classes start. Plus, we had plans for a few nights, since typically work week finishes a little early in the evening. However the recruitment chair had other plans, making things a little more intense for the chapter and thus, cancelling plans out for us, leaving me feeling a little eh. Once again, I'm not greek, but I understand the time and commitment it takes for a brotherhood and sisterhood.

That also being said, a relationship is one of the most special things that two people can have with each other, and if one party isn't putting in that much work for it, it can be a little mind-boggling. We try to communicate as much as we can, we're passionate for each other, and we see ourselves doing big things not on our own, but also together someday. It does kinda make me worried I don't hear from her for awhile, and that she's enjoying all of this rather than spending a little time with me.

Another situation I forgot to mention is that after recruitment is over, my schedule becomes very intense with being practically an assistant to an assistant athletic director for Soccer, Volleyball, and Cross-Country at our school.

I want her to be happy and take it all in, I really do! That also said, even after recruitment is all over, I just don't want our deep connection to be replaced by her sisters, and date nights get ditched for frat nights that I can't really be apart of, or time alone turns into study breaks with three other girls. Some of it is crazy, and I may be overthinking.

I'm just wondering, what can I do to make sure that I make the connection well with her, even on the Greek standpoint. Once again, I know I wasn't in a fraternity myself, but I don't want her to think I'm not oblivious to what's going on either.
They do good things here at this campus, but competing with everyone else is always going to be giving me some anxious thoughts. We trust and love each other very much, but my anxious thoughts sometimes take over when it should not.

Long story short, what do I do to not feel replaced? I support her and her sorority very much, but I also want to keep the love going very strong too!

QFP

[614]

I'm sorry, but you sound very insecure and immature about your relationship. Is this your first relationship? My daughter was very active in her sorority all through college and dated a GDI soph-sr year. I never heard them discuss sorority commitments as an issue. He respected her involvement and enjoyed many fun sorority events. He didn't bat an eye about events with fraternities. They both had very challenging senior years, which kept them apart with their studies as well. They are still together and both work. They each travel, at times, for work for as much as 10-14 days. They lived in the same city for 2 years before moving in together because they felt making their own way in the world was better for things long term. My daughter had a clingy boyfriend once, and never went down that road again. Having a great relationship is not about spending every second together.

[geedeamonggreek]

Originally Posted by 614

I'm sorry, but you sound very insecure and immature about your relationship. Is this your first relationship? My daughter was very active in her sorority all through college and dated a GDI soph-sr year. I never heard them discuss sorority commitments as an issue. He respected her involvement and enjoyed many fun sorority events. He didn't bat an eye about events with fraternities. They both had very challenging senior years, which kept them apart with their studies as well. They are still together and both work. They each travel, at times, for work for as much as 10-14 days. They lived in the same city for 2 years before moving in together because they felt making their own way in the world was better for things long term. My daughter had a clingy boyfriend once, and never went down that road again. Having a great relationship is not about spending every second together.

I understand that, and no it's not my first relationship. One of the first serious one's yes, but I know for a fact it's not about spending time together all the time. In this scenario, it's about spending time together when it's all over, and not feel like i'm playing second fiddle after recruitment.

[Pope]

I had written a response earlier, but deleted it because I thought I may have been too harsh. Now that you've had a chance to post more, I realize that I wasn't harsh enough and wish I hadn't deleted it.

Originally Posted by geedeamonggreek

I worry that while she says "It's only a week", I just don't want our connection to go away and die down because she gets so close to her chapter, and forgetting about me after classes start.

It does kinda make me worried I don't hear from her for awhile, and that she's enjoying all of this rather than spending a little time with me.

I want her to be happy and take it all in, I really do! That also said, even after recruitment is all over, I just don't want our deep connection to be replaced by her sisters, and date nights get ditched for frat nights that I can't really be apart of, or time alone turns into study breaks with three other girls. Some of it is crazy, and I may be overthinking.

Originally Posted by geedeamonggreek

Issue with that, I HAVE been accepting this as apart of her lifestyle, and I have NEVER resented her sisterhood or commitments. I know more likely than not that I probably won't see her for two weeks, but that's okay. I just want communication already. It's tough not hearing from someone you care about for quite sometime. Granted, it would be tougher without today's technology, but even at that it's still not fun. I accept it, but I'm not being clingy, I just care like any other significant other should do.

Originally Posted by geedeamonggreek

I understand that, and no it's not my first relationship. One of the first serious one's yes, but I know for a fact it's not about spending time together all the time. In this scenario, it's about spending time together when it's all over, and not feel like i'm playing second fiddle after recruitment.

First, I can't help but notice the spelling and grammatical errors throughout your posts. I highlighted a couple of them for you, but there are others I didn't point out. If you are, indeed, a college graduate, you might want to brush up on your proofreading skills before your MBA coursework begins.

Secondly, I assume you haven't been in this relationship very long. If you are legitimately worried that your girlfriend will actually forget you in a month or so, you are significantly more invested in this relationship than she is. If that's the case, better to find out now than later.

Third, it sounds a little bit like you're lonely and miserable and somewhat resentful of the fact that she's having fun. That's kind of selfish, dontcha think? I mean, would you want a significant other who wanted you to be sad? Be happy for her that she's enjoying herself. Maybe you could go find something to do that might bring you joy.

Fourth, ditch the stereotypes. It won't get you anywhere productive with either her or the nice people here.

And, finally, yes, you are being clingy. Extra super-duper clingy.