Bit of a dilemma with spring rush

[pinksequins]

Is it feasible for you to approach your friend in B with the following: Joe, you know my Dad and uncle are As, and they were hoping that I'd at least give A a look. I am really flattered with the bid to B, but I need to strike a balance with my family and at least go through Spring or Fall rush more fully. I am sorry that I didn't have the presence to request a deferral at the time.
That is what I should have done because you are a really solid house.

That said, be prepared not to receive reconsideration of the bid. This is not likely a scenario where you get to hold a bid while you consider another. (Think dating, where you string a girl along and DON'T get me going on that.). Also consider that A might not choose you (despite legacy status), so you had best have a Plan C.

One last piece of advice: you seem overly status conscious. The comments on Spring recruitment are telling. That is an ingredient for disappointment when making decisions. As noted above, you may not score with either A or B. However, if you will be forever dissatisfied with B, do those guys a favor and decline the bid. They sound like a solid house with decent guys and an HQ that believes in the chapter to the extent of getting them a new house (as soon as it can be constructed). They also sound like a good group for post-graduated networking, and those guys sound like the fellows that you will actually stay in touch with. So if you stay with B, don't be an Eeyore.

[Sciencewoman]

Originally Posted by pinksequins

One last piece of advice: you seem overly status conscious. The comments on Spring recruitment are telling. That is an ingredient for disappointment when making decisions. As noted above, you may not score with either A or B. However, if you will be forever dissatisfied with B, do those guys a favor and decline the bid. They sound like a solid house with decent guys and an HQ that believes in the chapter to the extent of getting them a new house (as soon as it can be constructed). They also sound like a good group for post-graduated networking, and those guys sound like the fellows that you will actually stay in touch with. So if you stay with B, don't be an Eeyore.

This.

This is my gut reaction as far as advice. If A was really hot after you, given your legacy status and that fact that you said you'd been in contact with them early on, they would have made more effort to pursue you in the fall. That didn't happen, so I think it could be wishful thinking to think you've got a good chance of getting a bid from them next fall. Aside from your legacy status, you haven't shared anything that sounds encouraging. Sadly, this is how it can go with "top tier" groups. A large part of their status comes from being selective/harder to get a bid from. I do understand the desire to join your legacy group, but it doesn't seem to mean a lot to the current members of A.

Group B sounds like a great group of guys, and you have a bid in hand. If you put "status" aside, I think you'd be happier long term with this group. These guys sound like they've got their act together and would be positive and supportive during your collegiate years.

Group A has "status." That's it, from what I can see. Group B has all the things that really count. That can be hard to recognize at this stage of life, but that's how I see it.

Personally, I'd rather be a member of a group that really wanted me, as opposed to a group that made me wait around to see if I'm worthy, and also hazes its new members.