Should I Colonize Or Wait 'til Next Fall...

Originally Posted by Alpha O

If it helps you, you should know that whenever I have talked to a PNM I have always been genuinely interested in her and on her side. I am sure that many other sorority women are this way during recruitment. We all love our sisterhoods and are interested in recruiting members who will share our values and what we stand for. Because of that, we are really interested in what these women think and what they have to say and how they relate to the world. We want to find people to join our sisterhood--that's why we're doing recruitment in the first place. I hope that makes you feel more comfortable.

Thank you so much for sharing this with me. I meant to reply earlier but I'd rather reply on my computer than on my phone (just my personal preference). I think it's an insecurity thing with me but it's something that I struggle with a lot. I don't like to over stay my welcome, impose in anyway and just assume that people don't typically have an interest in me. Because of this, I do realize that I've missed out on some fun opportunities but I'm just really afraid of rejection.

For example, last weekend there was a football game (I love football), and even though I didn't have anyone to go with, I went anyways (wasn't going to let that stop me)! But the cool thing was, as I was standing by myself in the bleachers, a girl from one of my classes invited me over to hang out with her and her friends. It felt so nice and we all had a great time and after the game they were talking about going bowling. They directly invited me to join but after the game was over I slipped into the crowd and just went back to my dorm. Why would I do this? I was afraid they were only being nice by inviting me and I didn't want to ruin their night if I had just been imagining that we were all having a good time. Later on Facebook, the girl who originally invited me over told me that they were confused about where I had went off to and that they were serious about inviting me to bowling. I don't know why I can't just relax and believe this, but it's something that I'm working on.

That and I wouldn't say I'm completely unattractive but, the way I perceive my looks, especially when I'm talking to someone who I find extremely pretty and personable makes me feel that much uglier and I wonder, "Why are they even wasting their time with me?"

Because, maybe this is just me but I don't always feel like "bullying" is as much about what is said and done these days but by what isn't said. I've been trying out for this sport's team on campus for the past couple of weeks and on the first day, most of the girls wouldn't mind talking to me but now it's gotten to the point that certain girls won't even look my way anymore. Or if I ask them a question, they'll give me a one word answer and turn their back on me. I honestly don't get it! And it hurts my feelings much more than if they would just come out and tell me that they didn't want to talk to me. When it's silent treatment, I can only assume I'm either imagining it or they really feel this way.

Sorry about the lengthy tangent, but again, thank you for your input. Deep down I'm really shy and afraid of rejection but, typically what you see on the outside is someone who is always willing to talk and have a conversation. I typically find it easier at first to get along with people who are older than me but some of my best friends are a couple years younger. They just had to warm up to me first.