How Moms Should Treat Their Legacy Daughters

[bakd]

Originally Posted by ColdInCanada11

This is only controversial to a small subset of people. There are several GCers who work with their respective IHQ, and definitely know what they are talking about. I'm sorry that you aren't able to be sisters with your daughter, that is a truly unique situation. However, most people do not get to experience that. You continue to say, she had a great experience in recruitment and loves her house. Well, all you've done is massively complain. What you are presenting does not relay those feelings of happiness.

SHE is happy enough.

Wait, also, isn't this almost entire 23 page thread about this and other mom/daughter controversial subjects?

Also, about the complaining...I'm no feminist, but to say that a sorority woman shouldn't complain because it is unseemly just smacks of control. I am only complaining to help make this situation better in the future. After all, for me it is too late. Since this happened to us, you wouldn't believe the number of sisters that I have told me that they were never volunteering or donating again because of this situation. What other system asks for loyalty and work with no reward? I think that the sororities are going to be sorry for this policy in the long run. Yes, sororities are popular right now, but you know what they say, "easy come, easy go". We are (by virtue of this very topic) training these girls to think that sorority life is just a "for college thing" with no payoff for alumna loyalty. I believe that we will definitely find our $ and volunteer base dried up then. And then, we will find ourselves in a situation like the 1970s.... Wash, Rinse, Repeat.

[ColdInCanada11]

Originally Posted by bakd

SHE is happy enough. I am not.

Ahhhh, I see. Have fun harboring that resentment, it's going to do you a lot of good.

FWIW, I work in university admissions and talk to parents in similar situations every day. Policies are not made to benefit a small minority, that's how life goes. You also seem to be missing the fact that YOU AREN'T A COLLEGIAN. You wouldn't be active with her, therefore your opinion that the chapter would be "the same or better" with her is purely speculative and moot. Good Lord, Tuesdays are something, that's for sure.

[ColdInCanada11]

Originally Posted by bakd

SHE is happy enough.

Wait, also, isn't this almost entire 23 page thread about this and other mom/daughter controversial subjects?

Oh, you got me!

[AZTheta]

Originally Posted by bakd

SHE is happy enough.

Wait, also, isn't this almost entire 23 page thread about this and other mom/daughter controversial subjects?

Also, about the complaining...I'm no feminist, but to say that a sorority woman shouldn't complain because it is unseemly just smacks of control. I am only complaining to help make this situation better in the future. After all, for me it is too late. Since this happened to us, you wouldn't believe the number of sisters that I have told me that they were never volunteering or donating again because of this situation. What other system asks for loyalty and work with no reward? I think that the sororities are going to be sorry for this policy in the long run. Yes, sororities are popular right now, but you know what they say, "easy come, easy go". We are (by virtue of this very topic) training these girls to think that sorority life is just a "for college thing" with no payoff for alumna loyalty. I believe that we will definitely find our $ and volunteer base dried up then. And then, we will find ourselves in a situation like the 1970s.... Wash, Rinse, Repeat.

Nowhere in my vows did it state that my reward for loyalty and hard work would be membership for any progeny I might have. "Payoff"? Really? This is news to me.

Further, what does it say about your sisters' loyalty to their GLO, if they put those types of conditions on their membership? "I am only going to support my GLO as long as I get what I want." How mature. Further, THAT sounds like bullying to me.

Simple mathematics indicates that the number of legacies far exceeds the available openings in any given chapter. As for your "national officer" comment - I think you're grasping at straws to support your unhappiness.

[Phigirl04]

Originally Posted by AZTheta

Nowhere in my vows did it state that my reward for loyalty and hard work would be membership for any progeny I might have. "Payoff"? Really? This is news to me.

Further, what does it say about your sisters' loyalty to their GLO, if they put those types of conditions on their membership? "I am only going to support my GLO as long as I get what I want." How mature. Further, THAT sounds like bullying to me.

Simple mathematics indicates that the number of legacies far exceeds the available openings in any given chapter. As for your "national officer" comment - I think you're grasping at straws to support your unhappiness.

I need the like button for this one.

I was lucky as a legacy that my mom's group was not on my campus so I never had to deal with that pressure. I can't imagine what it would have been like if I hadn't liked them (especially if she had such strong feelings about us being sisters) or if they didn't like me.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by bakd

SHE is happy enough.

Wait, also, isn't this almost entire 23 page thread about this and other mom/daughter controversial subjects?

Also, about the complaining...I'm no feminist, but to say that a sorority woman shouldn't complain because it is unseemly just smacks of control. I am only complaining to help make this situation better in the future. After all, for me it is too late. Since this happened to us, you wouldn't believe the number of sisters that I have told me that they were never volunteering or donating again because of this situation. What other system asks for loyalty and work with no reward? I think that the sororities are going to be sorry for this policy in the long run. Yes, sororities are popular right now, but you know what they say, "easy come, easy go". We are (by virtue of this very topic) training these girls to think that sorority life is just a "for college thing" with no payoff for alumna loyalty. I believe that we will definitely find our $ and volunteer base dried up then. And then, we will find ourselves in a situation like the 1970s.... Wash, Rinse, Repeat.

Your last statement is doubtful. It's not as if our orgs are not pledging legacies at all or not pledging anyone. Plenty of women are joining.

Also, there are chapters who have high numbers of legacies to the point that they simply have to prioritize (for lack of a better word) legacies based on several factors (i.e. chapter legacies v. those from out of state.) Example: If you are a Big Texas University chapter member, and you have 2 equally qualified legacies, the one whose mom went to Big Texas might get the invite over the one who is from out of state.

It's entirely possible that the legacies who do not get bids are those not connected enough to the institution. Or their moms weren't particularly active. You wouldn't believe how many mad legacy moms swear they're never donating or doing ______ again when the only time the sorority heard or saw them was when they had a daughter coming through. Like, they'd never done any of that to begin with!

[bakd]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Your last statement is doubtful. It's not as if our orgs are not pledging legacies at all or not pledging anyone. Plenty of women are joining.

Also, there are chapters who have high numbers of legacies to the point that they simply have to prioritize (for lack of a better word) legacies based on several factors (i.e. chapter legacies v. those from out of state.) Example: If you are a Big Texas University chapter member, and you have 2 equally qualified legacies, the one whose mom went to Big Texas might get the invite over the one who is from out of state.

It's entirely possible that the legacies who do not get bids are those not connected enough to the institution. Or their moms weren't particularly active. You wouldn't believe how many mad legacy moms swear they're never donating or doing ______ again when the only time the sorority heard or saw them was when they had a daughter coming through. Like, they'd never done any of that to begin with!

I really am seeing that this really is a generational thing. Let me give an example:

I have a cousin that was in the military back in the 1970s. He was made promises as to his retirement benefits and medical benefits back when he joined. He specifically looked at his situation and decided it was a good enough offer and each year as he made decisions as to whether he would re-enlist. If the current Congress were to come along and say that they are going to cut his benefits, he would be very upset! After all, he put his life in harm's way and spent his life making decisions based on this contract.

There was an informal contract made between the actives, the alums, and the national organizations in the past. Today's alums are upset that the contract was broken. We were taught that it was a honor and a pleasure to have a legacy.

Now you want to charge us with being mentally unbalanced because we are unspeakable disappointed.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by bakd

There was an informal contract made between the actives, the alums, and the national organizations in the past. Today's alums are upset that the contract was broken. We were taught that it was a honor and a pleasure to have a legacy.

Now you want to charge us with being mentally unbalanced because we are unspeakable disappointed.

Never said you were unstable. And a military contract and recruitment are not nearly the same thing.

And yes, this is totally generational. There are more PNMs now, more legacies, and limited spots. It is an honor to have them (still is) but we cannot have them all.

The best thing I can suggest for older women who have daughters coming through would be to educate themselves on release figures, numbers of legacies coming through at schools (moms talk), and your organization's official policy on legacies as you'd be hard-pressed to find one that says "all legacies must receive bids." The more prepared you are, the more prepared the child can be to keep an open mind (rather than assuming they're a shoo-in for their legacy chapter.)

[als463]

Originally Posted by bakd

I really am seeing that this really is a generational thing. Let me give an example:

I have a cousin that was in the military back in the 1970s. He was made promises as to his retirement benefits and medical benefits back when he joined. He specifically looked at his situation and decided it was a good enough offer and each year as he made decisions as to whether he would re-enlist. If the current Congress were to come along and say that they are going to cut his benefits, he would be very upset! After all, he put his life in harm's way and spent his life making decisions based on this contract.

There was an informal contract made between the actives, the alums, and the national organizations in the past. Today's alums are upset that the contract was broken. We were taught that it was a honor and a pleasure to have a legacy.

Now you want to charge us with being mentally unbalanced because we are unspeakable disappointed.

Help me understand this. Did you just equate a young woman not getting to join her mother's sorority to the loss of benefits that were actually IN A CONTRACT for our men and women in uniform? When I joined my sorority, I always thought it would be great to have my (future) daughter join but, I never thought, "Wow, if Phi Mu doesn't give my daughter a bid, I'm done!" That's a bid selfish to me.

[WCsweet<3]

Originally Posted by als463

Help me understand this. Did you just equate a young woman not getting to join her mother's sorority to the loss of benefits that were actually IN A CONTRACT for our men and women in uniform? When I joined my sorority, I always thought it would be great to have my (future) daughter join but, I never thought, "Wow, if Phi Mu doesn't give my daughter a bid, I'm done!" That's a bit selfish to me.

Yes, she did. I also agree with the rest of your statement. As I said earlier, she needs to check her perceptions.

I find it funny that she said "to say that a sorority woman shouldn't complain because it is unseemly just smacks of control." You know what smacks of control? The fact that the daughter is happy with where she is, that she knows membership selection is private, that she passive aggressively has told her organization, and that she has ignored responses from both older and younger members (including legacies) on this thread who said she was being ridiculous. That sounds a bit helicopter ish and honestly a little sad that she feels so betrayed/upset over this.

[bakd]

Originally Posted by als463

Help me understand this. Did you just equate a young woman not getting to join her mother's sorority to the loss of benefits that were actually IN A CONTRACT for our men and women in uniform? When I joined my sorority, I always thought it would be great to have my (future) daughter join but, I never thought, "Wow, if Phi Mu doesn't give my daughter a bid, I'm done!" That's a bid selfish to me.

Oh, pleeze don't pull the military card on me...

That was just the best analogy that I could think of off-hand.

I had 6 uncles that served in WWII, 2 in Korea, 1 cousin in Vietnam, and 2 in Desert Storm.

My step-father-in-law was career military.

Congress can and does change benefits and the military is justifiably upset:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/busine...fd2_story.html

I said that the other understanding was like a INFORMAL contract.

[als463]

Originally Posted by bakd

Oh, pleeze don't pull the military card on me...

That was just the best analogy that I could think of off-hand.

I had 6 uncles that served in WWII, 2 in Korea, 1 cousin in Vietnam, and 2 in Desert Storm.

My step-father-in-law was career military.

Congress can and does change benefits and the military is justifiably upset:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/busine...fd2_story.html

I said that the other understanding was like a INFORMAL contract.

That was a really bad analogy then. Also, just because you have people in your family who served doesn't mean you are all-knowing about military affairs. I realize that there have been cuts to military benefits, seeing as how both my husband and I are Iraq war veterans so, you don't need to post stories. WCSweet is 100% on point with what she said. I couldn't have said it better. Also, please don't pull that, "Well my brother, sister, mother, father, neighbor, milkman, gynecologist, etc. served in the military therefore I know" stuff. It will get you a look like this from anyone who ever served.