You have animals, he/she is allergic

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by amIblue?

And can you imagine person A giving up a pet for person B?

Yes but not for someone you are merely dating.

Not every pet owner sees animals the same way. I like animals and particularly dogs but I ultimately see dogs the same way the law in many (most or all?) states seems them. Dogs are property--property that can be loved but property nonetheless. As with any property a dog can overstay its worth and welcome if an owner sees more costs than benefits. That includes if a dog requires more time, attention, and special consideration than the humans. That's why I don't own animals.

[amIblue?]

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

I crashed with a friend who had cats one night, and woke up around 4am barely breathing. Cats are a quick dealbreaker for me.

To paraphrase Iota Guy, I feel you.

Originally Posted by thetalady

HEE HEE HEE!! All I can hear in my head is Harry in SITC mocking Charlotte, saying "I gave up Christ for you!"

LOL!

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Yes but not for someone you are merely dating.

Not every pet owner sees animals the same way. I like animals and particularly dogs but I ultimately see dogs the same way the law in many (most or all?) states seems them. Dogs are property--property that can be loved but property nonetheless. As with any property a dog can overstay its worth and welcome if an owner sees more costs than benefits. That includes if a dog requires more time, attention, and special consideration than the humans. That's why I don't own animals.

My comment was really in context of my prior comments relating to the goal of a long term relationship, and I have a feeling that anyone who owns six cats may not view them as property, but more like family. The fact that a thread was started on the topic at all gives credence to the OP seeing them as family. The fact that the OP has started two threads relating to the same guy gives me the inkling that she's interested in more than just casual dating. But I definitely agree with you that it's no big deal if two people are casually dating.

[33girl]

I'm going to sound like one of those 1950s movies and say that "keeping it casual" is really a pointless thing because you never know how your feelings will change, and you may end up in a difficult situation. Set your boundaries before you get there.

Pets/no pets are a dealbreaker, and if someone has zero trouble getting rid of their pet to placate you, that should be a dealbreaker too. The next lifetime commitment they make that they break may be to you.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Pets/no pets are a dealbreaker, and if someone has zero trouble getting rid of their pet to placate you, that should be a dealbreaker too. The next lifetime commitment they make that they break may be to you.

I disagree and don't consider pets a lifetime commitment. I consider them property. My family has owned dogs over the years that I loved dearly (one we had for 15 years and he died a few years ago ) but they were still lower on the totem pole than my relationships with humans.

[StealthMode]

Originally Posted by adpiucf

If a guy tells me it's him or the dog, the dog wins.

Amen! I'll leave it at that.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

I disagree and don't consider pets a lifetime commitment. I consider them property. My family has owned dogs over the years that I loved dearly (one we had for 15 years and he died a few years ago ) but they were still lower on the totem pole than my relationships with humans.

Maybe you think that way, but unlike other property, if you abandon or surrender it, other humans end up paying in some way (either through tax support of shelters, health issues from strays or unwanted litters). Unless of course you can find a vet unethical enough to put an animal to sleep judt because you're over it. But as you said, fortunately you are self-aware enough not to have animals.

[DrPhil]

And I am definitely not the only person in the world who feels this way. Not every unwanted pet is sent to a shelter, abandoned on a street, or euthanized. You spoke definitively about pets as though there is only one way to legally and humanely view pets; and as though someone who would give up their pet is a demon spawn who can't commit to anything. That just isn't true in a general sense beyond personal opinion. Sometimes people give up pets because the owners, themselves, or their loved ones (adults or children) can become ill and hospitalized due to allergies. It is ridiculous to risk the health of you or loved ones for a pet. Not everyone considers pets a lifetime commitment that surpasses the happiness, well-being, and relationships with humans. People need to do what works for them and go based on their relationship deal breakers.

[cheerfulgreek]

Fortunately for both of us, we both love animals. Two cats and a dog.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

And I am definitely not the only person in the world who feels this way. Not every unwanted pet is sent to a shelter, abandoned on a street, or euthanized. You spoke definitively about pets as though there is only one way to legally and humanely view pets; and as though someone who would give up their pet is a demon spawn who can't commit to anything. That just isn't true in a general sense beyond personal opinion. Sometimes people give up pets because the owners, themselves, or their loved ones (adults or children) can become ill and hospitalized due to allergies. It is ridiculous to risk the health of you or loved ones for a pet. Not everyone considers pets a lifetime commitment that surpasses the happiness, well-being, and relationships with humans. People need to do what works for them and go based on their relationship deal breakers.

That came off harsher than I intended. Of course many times when boyfriend is allergic, pets go with no problem to parents or friends and all is well - winter said this would be the case with her. But my point is that taking in a living being is a responsibility and you need to be responsible if your situation changes and not just throw them back into the system for the rest of society to deal with. My cousin has jettisoned 2 cats & 2 horses because of THE BABY....the cats she didn't even wait until the baby was born to see how they'd react, and the horses she took after her marriage when she should thought a little further than the end of her nose about whether she would have time for them. That's the kind of irresponsibility that grinds my gears.

ETA: this also extends to what happens after you die. Ask a trusted friend if they'll be willing to care for whatever pets you might have after your death and put it in your will. Again, this is about being responsible and not putting more burden on an already overcrowded shelter/rescue system. Don't just assume friends and family will care for your pets.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Maybe you think that way, but unlike other property, if you abandon or surrender it, other humans end up paying in some way (either through tax support of shelters, health issues from strays or unwanted litters). Unless of course you can find a vet unethical enough to put an animal to sleep judt because you're over it. But as you said, fortunately you are self-aware enough not to have animals.

Wait, wait, wait, what about finding them another home?

[DrPhil]

Stephen King is brilliant with at least two movies that solidified how I feel about cats.

Originally Posted by amIblue?

My comment was really in context of my prior comments relating to the goal of a long term relationship, and I have a feeling that anyone who owns six cats may not view them as property, but more like family. The fact that a thread was started on the topic at all gives credence to the OP seeing them as family. The fact that the OP has started two threads relating to the same guy gives me the inkling that she's interested in more than just casual dating. But I definitely agree with you that it's no big deal if two people are casually dating.

Yeah I was just giving a disclaimer because I don't want people thinking they need to give away animals for the hot woman or man they met last week. I don't know about *winter*'s relationship but my point was that some people would give up their animals for a serious relationship/life partner. It depends on what your deal breakers are.

On a larger topic, I encourage people who spend a lot of time holding animals at work or at home to make sure they don't smell like animals. Sometimes people are so accustomed to something that they no longer notice it. I have a colleague who used to have cat fur in her hair, on her clothes, in her car, and on her office chair. I consider that gross and apparently so did her Life Partner so things had to change.