Dating outside your religion: Christian/Jewish

[DeltaBetaBaby]

I'm a fan of thinking about this early, because you don't want to invest time and energy in a relationship only to find out that he will never be serious about you for a reason you can't change.

The thing about Jews is that a lot of us identify culturally without identifying religiously...fewer than half of American Jews actually believe in God. So the fact that he is Jewish doesn't tell you a ton about what he actually thinks of the metaphysical.

[cheerfulgreek]

For me, when choosing a man to be my husband, it is much more than being spiritual, religious, saved, or born again, or whether he goes to church. I've made mistakes when I was younger, and dated men without asking the questions that are now important ones to ask. Does this man have a relationship with God? Does he hold himself accountable to God? In other words, does he care what God thinks about his behavior?

The connection (to me) should be something a lot deeper than his knowing about Jesus or simply being spiritual. He has to be involved with and accountable to God. The accountability factor is very important to me, because I know if he won't break God's heart, he won't break mine. Equally important is how compatible we are to one another --being like me at heart, as in, his inner core, yet different in function.

I also don't believe that two Christians equal compatibility. My decision for a mate is made on a spiritual and intellectual basis before it is made on an emotional one. Yes, I believe that God is the cord that holds us together in the first place. But (to me) it is equally important that we have common interests and values, and agree on the essentials of living day to day. For me, this is where being "like" comes in. Being of "like" kind (to me) means that we are compatible in many ways. We have a similar spiritual walk. We enjoy a lot of similar things. We have "like" interests, "like" goals in life, "like" opinions on basic life issues. We have had "like" experiences in our background, such as family, friends, and associates. Though there is some truth to the idiom that opposites attract, I believe that like-minded couples fare better together. After all, why do we have the friends we have? --Because we share like interests and views. And (to me) marriage is one of the longest and most important friendships I will ever have. I need to not only be in love with him, but I need to be in like with him as well.

Everyone has their own agenda when choosing a mate, but those are some of the things I base my choices on. My husband needs to be and is the period at the end of the sentence of my life, and God has to be the center of our marriage and what He put together.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

I'm a fan of thinking about this early, because you don't want to invest time and energy in a relationship only to find out that he will never be serious about you for a reason you can't change.

That seemed to be the feeling if the people on The Diane Rehm Show episode that Dr. Phil linked to, both for the reason you said and because once you're invested in the relationship, it's easy to think "Oh, we can work this out" or "it'll take care of itself," only to find out later that it's usually not that simple.