PNM advice: the importance of personal connections in recruitment

[BraveMaroon]

To give you a different perspective on personal connections - they can work against you, too.

Scenario 1:

There was a house I really, really liked during rush - tent talk was that they never cut anyone, and then, BOOM, after round two, they cut me.

I was so surprised, especially because I knew several girls in the chapter -they had graduated two years ahead of me...with my sister. In fact, they had all been on Dance Team together.

And that's when I remembered that perhaps there had been a little friction on Dance Team their Senior Year with my sister and one of the girls from that sorority.

That may not have been the reason I got cut, but I'm betting it was.

I got over it pretty quickly.

Scenario 2:

The "Do You Know..." game.

I was so guilty of doing this, and it's such a bad idea, but I didn't realize it until I was on the sister side of Rush. This is when you meet someone and find out you have some type of vague connection - they grew up in Anytown, and so did a few people you went to camp with. You ask them, "Do you know Patty Personality? She's from Anytown."

This can go a number of ways - maybe she doesn't know Patty and that's that. Maybe she knows Patty and they're BFFs - great! Or maybe she knows Patty because Patty stole her boyfriend. Or maybe she used to torment "Fatty Patty" on the bus every day in Middle School.

It's so tempting to do because you're in a new place with new people and it feels so good to make a connection - the problem is, you have no idea what type of connection you're making.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by BraveMaroon

To give you a different perspective on personal connections - they can work against you, too.

Scenario 1:

There was a house I really, really liked during rush - tent talk was that they never cut anyone, and then, BOOM, after round two, they cut me.

I was so surprised, especially because I knew several girls in the chapter -they had graduated two years ahead of me...with my sister. In fact, they had all been on Dance Team together.

And that's when I remembered that perhaps there had been a little friction on Dance Team their Senior Year with my sister and one of the girls from that sorority.

That may not have been the reason I got cut, but I'm betting it was.

I got over it pretty quickly.

Scenario 2:

The "Do You Know..." game.

I was so guilty of doing this, and it's such a bad idea, but I didn't realize it until I was on the sister side of Rush. This is when you meet someone and find out you have some type of vague connection - they grew up in Anytown, and so did a few people you went to camp with. You ask them, "Do you know Patty Personality? She's from Anytown."

This can go a number of ways - maybe she doesn't know Patty and that's that. Maybe she knows Patty and they're BFFs - great! Or maybe she knows Patty because Patty stole her boyfriend. Or maybe she used to torment "Fatty Patty" on the bus every day in Middle School.

It's so tempting to do because you're in a new place with new people and it feels so good to make a connection - the problem is, you have no idea what type of connection you're making.

Right. The "Do you know?" game is not a "personal connection," it's name-dropping which is annoying.

Additional advice:

Be aware of those "red flag" negative connections you have going into recruitment. They can tank you faster than anything else can (with certain chapters), even you think it was "forever ago."

Let's take your Fatty Patty example. You called this girl Fatty Patty under your breath all through junior high. Fast forward to recruitment. Patty is now a member of Phi Beta Popular. You've got yourself a problem. Yes, it was middle school, but unless Patty is over it (if it was traumatic enough, she might not be), they're not really campaigning to bring you back.

Your associations are important. Your crew senior year was full of rude snotwitches? Girls from your HS in Phi Beta Popular might assume you behave just like your crew did (even if it's college now and you're "a whole new person.")

I mention HS because for a lot of PNMs, that's last year and it's very possible that those things follow you. And they might not even be TRUE, but when a chapter is working with limited invites/time, these sort of things might not work in your favor.

[angels&angles]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Right. The "Do you know?" game is not a "personal connection," it's name-dropping which is annoying.

Additional advice:

Be aware of those "red flag" negative connections you have going into recruitment. They can tank you faster than anything else can (with certain chapters), even you think it was "forever ago."

Let's take your Fatty Patty example. You called this girl Fatty Patty under your breath all through junior high. Fast forward to recruitment. Patty is now a member of Phi Beta Popular. You've got yourself a problem. Yes, it was middle school, but unless Patty is over it (if it was traumatic enough, she might not be), they're not really campaigning to bring you back.

Your associations are important. Your crew senior year was full of rude snotwitches? Girls from your HS in Phi Beta Popular might assume you behave just like your crew did (even if it's college now and you're "a whole new person.")

I mention HS because for a lot of PNMs, that's last year and it's very possible that those things follow you. And they might not even be TRUE, but when a chapter is working with limited invites/time, these sort of things might not work in your favor.

Okay, so what would you recommend a PNM do in these situations? How do you damage control? Bring it up? Hope no one remembers?