Considering quitting...at a loss! NEED HELP. :(

[33girl]

Originally Posted by ConcernedPres

Doing my best to not give myself away, it has been long enough for us to participate in a formal recruitment, but we have been established for less than a year. I know it is not very long, but I come from a school that is not necessarily easy to get into. We are all the type of people who are ready to take control and are used to being busy and having a lot on our plate. I don't know if she was maybe trained to be around chapters that could potentially need a little more hand-holding? But I've realized that our students truly do better when they are on their own. We prefer that actually. :P

This completely makes sense. She may have gone to/helped at/been a colonizing officer at schools where there was (to be nice) a more intellectually diverse population. There are some instances where the colony coordinator (or whatever you call her) lives in for up to two years and that's the norm. I'm guessing she's also trying to make a name for herself within her sorority (I don't mean that as crass as it sounds) and is hyper afraid of not doing everything right, but the fact is if she wants to "rise through the ranks" she has to learn to work with all kinds of people and chapters.

When you were elected president (when all of the officers were elected for that matter) how was the slate done? Did she basically say "I think ConcernedPres would be a great president" or was the slate completely created by the members without her input? Or were there 2 different people running for prez and she was more in favor of the other one instead of you?

I would make an effort to keep communication with her via email rather than phone or texts so it's clear exactly what is being said, and what she is doing and not doing. It sucks to have to CYA like that, but if there's a split in your exec board it may be all you can do.

I hope it all works out for you guys.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by 33girl

This completely makes sense. She may have gone to/helped at/been a colonizing officer at schools where there was (to be nice) a more intellectually diverse population. There are some instances where the colony coordinator (or whatever you call her) lives in for up to two years and that's the norm. I'm guessing she's also trying to make a name for herself within her sorority (I don't mean that as crass as it sounds) and is hyper afraid of not doing everything right, but the fact is if she wants to "rise through the ranks" she has to learn to work with all kinds of people and chapters.

When you were elected president (when all of the officers were elected for that matter) how was the slate done? Did she basically say "I think ConcernedPres would be a great president" or was the slate completely created by the members without her input? Or were there 2 different people running for prez and she was more in favor of the other one instead of you?

I would make an effort to keep communication with her via email rather than phone or texts so it's clear exactly what is being said, and what she is doing and not doing. It sucks to have to CYA like that, but if there's a split in your exec board it may be all you can do.

I hope it all works out for you guys.

This. It is a good habit to form now. You'll need it later in the business world. Contact your regional/network official that is a step above her. You are right. If she is leaving soon and your chapter hasn't been allowed to make decisions with her WATCHING with help when needed instead of doing everything for you, you may not do it right when she is gone. I'm sure she means no harm. Some Type A people really can't step back and watch others do when they can do it better...you know what I mean? I don't think you are over-reacting. There may be perfectly good reasons for her decisions, but they ALL should be discussed with your Exec Board. You'll never learn if you don't get your hands dirty. Good luck.

[Kevin]

This is all pretty good training for the corporate world and it probably won't be the first time you're put in a position where you are smarter/more qualified than your supervisor. In this case, you are blessed with the knowledge that if your chapter accomplishes certain things or if X amount of time passes, this person will no longer have much influence over your chapter.

You would do well to heed the advice being given to you here regarding documenting everything. Make sure you make a written record of all of your concerns. You might, for example, with regard to the recruitment things being changed at the last minute, email your adviser and your exec board some of your observations and maybe a what worked/what didn't work/what we need to pass on to the officers next year sort of analysis. This works to confirm who did what/made what decision and place it on the record while inviting them to comment and make admissions they might not make if your email takes a "you effed up, it's your fault" sort of tone.

If you fail to document the heck out of these things, in your chapter or in the corporate world, inevitably, when and if failure occurs, the incompetent superior will blame you and you'll be ready.

[KappaSigGent]

I'm sorry to hear you're in this position. As your sister, she should be a understanding person and support you. So, I think you need to meet with her personally and explain to her that these decisions, meetings and other matters she is taking into her own hands is not helping the Chapter. Remind her as well that it is affecting you emotionally (or atleast it sounds like it is) and give her the solid truth. With that communication bridged into the situation, it will give a chance for her to think about it as well. Tell her that you appreciate and want her support still but lighter than she is applying now. This way, you can mandate the issues you want to change and make sure you are fulfilling the things you wanted to do in the first place.

Your sisters chose YOU to do this job and they trust you, I know they'll support you too. So in the next meeting you have, maybe it would be a good idea to bring up the situation to your sisters and ask for their support in this hard time for you. Explain to them your decision on what you want to do about this nationals rep coming in and making all the decisions for a Chapter that is in at the moment. Work up discussion and see how they feel as well.

It sounds to me that she is just a very controlling person and because she has her own vision for the chapter she wants to make sure things get done her way. (I HATE these types of people, they initially make bad leaders) Although she is your sister, she is NOT apart of your chapter at this time and you need to establish the fine line for her involvement that you seek in order to get your job done.

Don't give up on this, you're going to do fine and I guarantee your sisters, fellow EC and even that nationals rep will support you in the end. These actions will determine your sorority's future so just know that this is you making a difference!

Best,
-C