Big-Little Gifting

[MaryPoppins]

Here's a real conundrum. Big-Little gifting. Managing behavior and expectation in this arena is difficult at best. And across campus chapters it's just insane. Any ideas? Please discuss!

[FSUZeta]

I have known chapters that purchase the big little gifts from a designated fund, so each little sister gets exactly the same thing. Similarly, chapters have spelled out in detail the items that are okay to give. Both gestures are to keep the spending at a reasonable and more affordable level.

[carnation]

I'd like to know how people deal with this too. One of my daughters had a big who came from a wealthy family and Big Sis gave her hundreds of dollars worth of presents over the first year. Other girls in the sorority commented to us that it was hurting the other girls because some could barely afford to buy a couple of sets of letters for their littles. The big sister is a fabulous person (we still see her) but apparently never had someone to get things for before and went all out.

Another daughter refused to take a little because she said she'd be expected to provide about $200 worth of presents--I think that the chapter had them pay up front and then all the littles got the same gifts. I can see where it would provide equality but that was too much money.

How can it be controlled?

[dukemama]

Originally Posted by carnation

Another daughter refused to take a little because she said she'd be expected to provide about $200 worth of presents

Wow, that's a lot of $$ to expect college students to fork over for gifts for their littles. I'm sure there are some parents who will gladly help foot the bill but I'd hardly think that's the majority. Ouch!

[GeorgiaGreek]

The gifts for my chapter are used at clues (broken up into 3 days of clues leading up for big/little reveal), so I don't think the chapter members would want to have everyone getting the same thing. We do have a "rule" that the first day clue should be just candy, along with a big posterboard that usually has a poem with the clues written out, so that keeps the girls from going all out all the time, but by the 3rd clue, gifts sometimes get pretty extravagant.
I haven't heard much discussion about it in my chapter. I think we are pretty accepting of the fact that some girls have more money to spend or time to make elaborate crafts than others, but if it seems to be affecting a group, then I think having one day where the clues/gifts should be candy, another for letters, and then maybe setting a limit for the last day but allowing choice within that could be effective.
I don't particularly like the idea of standardized gifts across the board because they would likely be the same sometimes-crummy memorabilia from the Greek store on campus, and I don't think everyone wants the same painted picture frames, plastic cups, keychains, and other tchotchkes usually available.

We also have a standard Junior gift to the NM's when they get initiated that we all paid the same amount into, so each NM got the same item from their grandbigs, but if one girl had multiple grandlittles, she didn't pay more money.

[MaryPoppins]

How about where one chapter blows all the others out of the water? And for those that are thinking tiers are the reason, it's a so called second tier chapter that I have in mind.

[AOII Angel]

I think the best idea is to make a list of items that can be given and let the Big Sis get them any way she can. Having the chapter provide them means that she has to come up with cash, which may limit participation. If she can just provide certain items, then she can recycle (I did that with my third Little), buy items at the Dollar Store, craft, etc to reasonably make gifts for her Little. It doesn't HAVE to cost an arm and a leg. If some one wants to give more, it should be done very privately. We had specific days during Big/Lil week with specific things we could give. It worked out well...of course this was back in the days when we went crazy. It could be pared down more and enforced more rigorously. Remove any items not on the list. The only shirt we could give was for reveal so families would all match. (Disclosure: I spent hundreds of dollars on each of my littles and was THAT Big Sis.)

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by MaryPoppins

How about where one chapter blows all the others out of the water? And for those that are thinking tiers are the reason, it's a so called second tier chapter that I have in mind.

Who cares what other chapters are doing? You can't control them.

[KSUViolet06]

My chapter had a spending cap of $250 at the time. We also had required items that every big had to purchase (so that every little sis got some of the same things.)

I think the required items were a badge box (most people made them so they weren't expensive), a lettered tote, set of initiation pearls (real or fake), and matching letters for the revealing (our revealing was such that the Little Sis found her shirt then found the person wearing the matching one.) You'd get a different gift every day with your shirt given to you the day of revealing.

Our Big Little Week ran right into our Initiation weekend so you got your pearls on the last day too.

As far as shirts, that varied in price. Like, I got my Little and I matching hoodies, but some people got tees.

While it wasn't a significant expense for me (I only have one Little Sis), it was for some (e.g. the people who took twins.)

The "other chapters" thing is interesting because I remember my Little Sis having friends in other chapters who were getting brand new letters everyday, and others who were only getting candy and things like that everyday (with a big gift basket at the end.)

[justgo_withit]

How I feel about big/little gifting:

My big, lovely and amazing woman that she is, spoiled me and a twin in the same semester and honestly it made me feel kind of guilty. Some of the gifts I haven't really used much and will recycle if I ever take a little (some picture frames, trinkets, etc), and some I treasure (a blanket, a big/little shadow box, my first letters). I enjoyed the experience "gifts" more than some of the material gifts.

In my chapter it was a common practice to spread out your big/little purchases/crafting throughout the year. So between deciding you wanted to take a little and recruitment you'd get some things from the Greek store here and there, decide which letters you'd like to pass down and set them aside, get some letters made, do crafts that were either sorority-focused or leave space to add her name, things like that. We did have girls decide they didn't want a little after all who then had sister birthday gifts on lock for awhile (or who kept them for themselves)! Then once you found out who she was you'd make/get things specific to her.

As a culture, it's something we really don't question. We always had less new members than sisters interested in taking a little, and it was just logical to us that you wouldn't take a little if you weren't prepared for the costs associated with it. Sisters who thought money was tight would craft and recycle things they got from their big more, but that was already a pretty common practice. If a sister wanted to buy out the LP sorority line and buy her little tickets a weekend trip to Disney world, I would've thought that was a bit much but I wouldn't think she was setting a new standard or making the rest of us look bad. Overall, we didn't really have any this is too expensive/I can't give what everyone else is problems. Your little loved everything you gave her no matter what; none of us would've had the indecency to be disappointed with what our big got us, that's just crazy.

I know some chapters/orgs see big/little differently, so this is all operating under the idea that when you want to take someone as your little, you're agreeing to be their mentor/sponsor/main active support during their NM processes and that being spoiled during big/little week is a luxury, not an expectation. You're going to get her first letters, sorority swag for her room, her pin box. You're going to drop everything to be with her when something bad happens, invite her to come with you when you go out, tell her scandalous mixer stories so she gets the older girls' jokes, and shield her from the glares when you show up to chapter 10 minutes late with milkshakes becuase you lost track of time together. My big had a lot on her plate my NM semester but she still always made time for me, no matter what. And that was the point- being spoiled big/little week and getting all that attention was nice, but she could've given me a shirt and a plate of cookies and I still would've been equally excited at big/little reveal.

[GeorgiaGreek]

Originally Posted by justgo_withit

Some of the gifts I haven't really used much and will recycle if I ever take a little (some picture frames, trinkets, etc), and some I treasure (a blanket, a big/little shadow box, my first letters). I enjoyed the experience "gifts" more than some of the material gifts.

Recycling gifts is also a factor that may make one big seem like she is spending a ton of money, but a lot of things are actually from her big, and sometimes have been passed down. Even if you restrict the amount you spend, some people will just have a ton of stuff to hand down. I have seen an entire tailgating set (the little UGA popup tent, folding chairs, etc.) get passed down for years, but whoever actually paid for it is long graduated.

As for other chapters, I don't think most people notice or pay attention to that. Ain't nobody got time for that. If one chapter is known for having extreme big/little gifts, good for them, they win the money-spending/crafting contest, but I think most sorority women realize big/little is about a bond, not presents. And next year, any freshmen who may have been jealous of seeing those extravagant gifts won't feel so bad when they realize the money and time put into it (or they will have very lucky littles who they will spoil the crap out of so they can make up for what they feel like they missed)

[33girl]

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

Who cares what other chapters are doing? You can't control them.

Yeah, I have to agree. It sounds like this chapter is thinking "if rushees hear what awesome gifts we give, maybe they'll pledge us instead of Top Tier Chapter."

[justgo_withit]

Originally Posted by GeorgiaGreek

Ain't nobody got time for that.

THIS. If you have time to worry about other chapters while coordinating your schedule, your future little(s)'s schedule, boys making deliveries, pledges doing serenades, sisters doing things, family traditions, your tiny apartment kitchen you share with two other sisters, and that sparkling GPA, you are super woman or you need more to do with yourself.

[HQWest]

The only time it seems to be a big deal comparing one set of chapter gifts to another was on bid day. One chapter was giving out a pile of gifts and most other chapters were giving a couple of small things in a bag and a t-shirt or two.

A proposal came up in Panhellenic meetings to include these gifts in recruitment budget and put down a per new member gift price limit. It failed. What the rest of the chapters did realize then was that the money does come out of their dues and so it turns out that most of the chapters all have pretty close to the same price in about the same place anyway. (and THAT chapter has higher dues.) Another chapter was like getting their cupcakes donated and spending the extra money on a little bit nicer gifts.

We have gone to a system where if you take a little you donate a fixed amount into the pool and all of the new members get some of the same gifts. We send an email home to the parents to ask to pay for flowers for initiation. We save a lot of money by preordering and buying the items in bulk. Any leftovers from this year can be sold to older girls in the chapter or given as prizes for games or thank you gifts.

[AZTheta]

^^^ Me three, 33. "Take the focus off everyone else and put it on yourself" comes to mind.

Also liked what jg_wi & GG wrote. It's about the relationship, not the things. And those chapters with tight sisterhoods do that bond well. At some point there comes a backlash against extravagant, over-the-top gifting. Believe there are several expressions to fit this situation.

The most meaningful gifts don't have a price tag.