Is helicoptering making kids less able to socially adapt to new situations?

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by AXOrushadvisor

I think this has to do with a lot of different things. Electronics is a big one. Most kids don't go out and play around the neighborhood any more they text each other or play video games as compared to what I experienced. Kick the Can, King of the Hill and Hide and Seek in the Summer. Sledding all day every day in the snow in the winter. My kids would sit and watch tv or play video games all day every day if I allowed them. These kids, in my opinion, don't know how to talk because they always text even if they are next to each other. Can you imagine a texting recruitment. ha ha!!

You know, this gets said a lot, but I don't know how much truth there is to it. It's got just a little hint of "I walked three miles to school in 12 feet of snow" to it.

Sure, my kids would watch tv or play vidoe games all day if we'd let them. So would I have when I was their age. (Well, tv at least. I'm pre-video games, so for me, it would have been watch tv or read.)

And sure, there are some kids who really do nothing but sit around all day and never get out. But "most"? Hardly, from what I see.

And sure, kids text more than we ever thought possible. But with most of the kids I know, that doesn't translate at all into an inability to carry on a conversation -- something they learned to do before texting was an option for them.

I'm not saying technology doesn't present challenges; it does. And with some kids it presents more challenges than others. But I do think sometimes that we adults really blow those challenges out of proportion. Kids still ride bikes, play sports, do scouts and other clubs . . . .

As for the not spending as much time just playing outdoors in general, I think there are much bigger culprits at work there than technology, but that's another discussion.

[southernau]

I really like this discussion. Three generations of collegiate greek women in my family recently discussed the changes over time (50 years) of living in college. (I actually found out my mom did some pretty funny things in college that I would have never dreamed of!). Anyway, we all agreed we had similar feelings of insecurities, excitement, roommate situations and dreams while we were away at school. What my mother and I did not have was the instant technology to text, Skype, or whatever, if a problem came up. We had to handle it on our own, and seek out friends, etc. My mother had a house phone that had a time limit of 3 minutes a week to talk in a very public parlor. I had a hard-line phone in my room, but was only allowed to call on Sundays, or if there was an emergency, due to the long distance cost. Now, college kids have access to a parent (or vise versa) at a fingertip.
There are good and bad to both ways of growing up, but what I think what my daughter has had to learn, that was” built in” for my mother and I was giving things time. Time to think about problems on your own; time to work things out with people; time to get over being upset; time for friendships to build…etc. This current fluidity of information and contact is amazing, but can be quite overwhelming as well.

[AXOrushadvisor]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

You know, this gets said a lot, but I don't know how much truth there is to it. It's got just a little hint of "I walked three miles to school in 12 feet of snow" to it.

Sure, my kids would watch tv or play vidoe games all day if we'd let them. So would I have when I was their age. (Well, tv at least. I'm pre-video games, so for me, it would have been watch tv or read.)

And sure, there are some kids who really do nothing but sit around all day and never get out. But "most"? Hardly, from what I see.

And sure, kids text more than we ever thought possible. But with most of the kids I know, that doesn't translate at all into an inability to carry on a conversation -- something they learned to do before texting was an option for them.

I'm not saying technology doesn't present challenges; it does. And with some kids it presents more challenges than others. But I do think sometimes that we adults really blow those challenges out of proportion. Kids still ride bikes, play sports, do scouts and other clubs . . . .

As for the not spending as much time just playing outdoors in general, I think there are much bigger culprits at work there than technology, but that's another discussion.

There was no TV during the day when I was a kid that I would have wanted to watch. There were only about 8-10 stations too. I can remember in the morning watching Sally Star but I can not even remember TV on at night for kids until the Brady Bunch and Partridge Family and they were on Friday night I think. My mother literally said to me every day "go out and play and don't come home until lunch"- not kidding.

[ree-Xi]

Originally Posted by Blondie93

I don't know if it is helicopter or just more simply that kids social lives are structured practically from birth. Once upon a time a group of neighborhood kids wanting to play a game of baseball would have to first go mow a field, then find random objects to serve as bases, and other random objects to serve as the score board, decide amongst themselves who would play what position, etc. This utilized all sorts of creativity, planning, and executive functioning, not to mention collaboration by the neighborhood kids.

Now, kids join playgroups, kids play organized sports where all of the above elements are done FOR them and not BY them, and summers have turned into endless structured activities as well. I don't think that is the exact definition of helicoptering that we have come to know. I think parents can sign their kids up for all these structured events but still not be hovering.

When kids grow up this way, it should be not surprise that they then turn to organized groups on campus for their socialization. They haven't really ever just been thrown into a social situation and had to figure it out.

I think that this is a really good point. My neices and nephews are busy from morning until night, sometimes attending practice for stuff BEFORE school and after school, and having to do homework late at night or at breakfast.

I grew up in the 70s/80s, when there was still little distraction (I recall having a tv that only had 13 stations, and only listening to AM on the radio). If it wasn't raining or cold, we were outside sunup to sundown. If it was raining or cold, we read, played "school" and "library" and had contests like "whoever is the quietest wins a prize".

If we said we were bored, my mom would offer to "give us something to do", which was usually something cleaning related. So we learned quickly to make our own fun.

We didn't get trophies "just for participating" and nobody was even guaranteed to be on the team! Aside from a few material gifts, birthdays were more about celebrating the person. I remember getting to pick dinner for that night always meant my favorite food - my mom's homemade pizza.

When I was under 10/11 years old, "rewards" for good behavior or grades weren't things, and they didn't cost a lot of money, they were experiences:

- getting to sit in the front seat of the car for the week (otherwise the four of us took turns
- getting to get my dad a soda out of the fridge and sipping whatever didn't fit into the glass (soda was a rare treat, and I used to put a ton of ice cubes in the glass so I got more)
- getting to pick which (homemade) treat my mother would make (brownies? her special-recipe chocolate cake?, etc.)
- staying up an extra half hour to watch tv with mom and dad
- getting to watch all of "The Wizard of Oz", "The Sound of Music" and "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang" while my mom made popcorn - these were usually shown around Easter.

Now, nothing is special. You don't wait a year to watch a beloved movie. You join everything without having a particular talent or skill. It seems to make things less special. Kids don't know what to do with free time. They can't just sit and hang out. And as a result, parents are becoming that way, too - they have to be involved 24/7, keeping pace with other parents. It's sad.

[MaggieXi]

Has anyone seen the documentary "Race to Nowhere"? It gives you a sense of how over programmed and pressures put on kids. Many of which say they don't have time to socialize or even go be a kid. Are these pressures stunting their socialization at a young age and then when they get to college, realizing, that socialization is far more important than previously believed.

I personally was an average student, not very coordinated so only did 1 sport, not musically gifted or anything like that. I have to say that I flurished in college because more emphasis was put on being social to achieve both in the class room and outside in organizations.

My family also didn't believe in cable or nintendo (not that I cared about nintendo because again - zero hand eye coordination). I was always told to go out and play with the neighbors until it go dark.

[AXOrushadvisor]

Originally Posted by ree-Xi

I think that this is a really good point. My neices and nephews are busy from morning until night, sometimes attending practice for stuff BEFORE school and after school, and having to do homework late at night or at breakfast.

I grew up in the 70s/80s, when there was still little distraction (I recall having a tv that only had 13 stations, and only listening to AM on the radio). If it wasn't raining or cold, we were outside sunup to sundown. If it was raining or cold, we read, played "school" and "library" and had contests like "whoever is the quietest wins a prize".

If we said we were bored, my mom would offer to "give us something to do", which was usually something cleaning related. So we learned quickly to make our own fun.

We didn't get trophies "just for participating" and nobody was even guaranteed to be on the team! Aside from a few material gifts, birthdays were more about celebrating the person. I remember getting to pick dinner for that night always meant my favorite food - my mom's homemade pizza.

When I was under 10/11 years old, "rewards" for good behavior or grades weren't things, and they didn't cost a lot of money, they were experiences:

- getting to sit in the front seat of the car for the week (otherwise the four of us took turns
- getting to get my dad a soda out of the fridge and sipping whatever didn't fit into the glass (soda was a rare treat, and I used to put a ton of ice cubes in the glass so I got more)
- getting to pick which (homemade) treat my mother would make (brownies? her special-recipe chocolate cake?, etc.)
- staying up an extra half hour to watch tv with mom and dad
- getting to watch all of "The Wizard of Oz", "The Sound of Music" and "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang" while my mom made popcorn - these were usually shown around Easter.

Now, nothing is special. You don't wait a year to watch a beloved movie. You join everything without having a particular talent or skill. It seems to make things less special. Kids don't know what to do with free time. They can't just sit and hang out. And as a result, parents are becoming that way, too - they have to be involved 24/7, keeping pace with other parents. It's sad.

This made me smile. That is exactly how I grew up. My favorite birthday dinner was spaghetti. I have always done the special birthday dinner with my kids. AND Charlie Brown!!! My favorite especially around this time of year. I still get excited when I see the ad that it will be on. My kids don't get Charlie Brown at all. Shotgun! ha ha with the front seat and not wearing seat belts in the back. We NEVER had sodas but I drank A LOT of Hawaiian Punch. Bed Knobs and Broom Sticks was my absolute favorite but I also dug Herbie. The biggest treat for us as a kid Pizza! We NEVER went out to dinner EVER.

I have also noticed that these girls who go through recruitment are so sophisticated. My 18 year old self would have never gotten a bid today.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by AXOrushadvisor

There was no TV during the day when I was a kid that I would have wanted to watch. There were only about 8-10 stations too. I can remember in the morning watching Sally Star but I can not even remember TV on at night for kids until the Brady Bunch and Partridge Family and they were on Friday night I think. My mother literally said to me every day "go out and play and don't come home until lunch"- not kidding.

This is completely off topic, but...

My mom and I were talking the other day about how there doesn't seem to be any shows for the whole family to watch and enjoy anymore - shows with some good, wholesome comedy and life lessons here and there. I remember watching Family Matters, Full House, Boy Meets World, Step by Step, Hangin' with Mr. Cooper, The Fresh Price of Bel-Air, Home Improvement.. And I watched The Brady Bunch, The Partridge Family, Family Ties, Charles in Charge, Who's the Boss, Growing Pains, etc. in re-runs.

What happened to these?! And why don't they make more shows like them?

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by AXOrushadvisor

There was no TV during the day when I was a kid that I would have wanted to watch. There were only about 8-10 stations too. I can remember in the morning watching Sally Star but I can not even remember TV on at night for kids until the Brady Bunch and Partridge Family and they were on Friday night I think.

We had three stations, but by the time I got home there were cartoons (when I was younger) and shows like Gilligan's Island, The Beverly Hillbillies, Petticoat Junction, McHale's Navy, Hogan's Heroes, Bewitched, I Dream of Jeannie, The Partridge Family, The Brady Bunch and (my two favorites) Batman and The Wild, Wild West on after school when I was older. I can remember watching all of those.

My mother literally said to me every day "go out and play and don't come home until lunch"- not kidding.

Exactly. Your mother sent you outside. (And I know you're not kidding, because my mother did the same thing.) Ditto the mothers who found chores to do when kids complained of being bored. It's not that tv [technology] kept us inside, it's that parents redirected us to something else. Computers, internet, video games, tv, etc. are just like anything else in life -- they are not intrinsically bad but children have to be taught how to use them responsibly. So, when children are playing video games instead of going outside, the video games aren't to blame. Blame responsible adults who aren't setting appropriate limits and aren't teaching better habits, or blame a culture that really doesn't support or value things like kids just going outside and playing for hours on end.

The reality is that in many if not most places these days, you won't find many parents who'd just say "go out and play and don't come back until lunch," and there are a variety of reasons, including some very valid ones, for that. We live in a different world today, and it seems to me that things like constantly playing video games are a symptom of the problem, not the problem itself.

Originally Posted by ASTalumna06

This is completely off topic, but...

My mom and I were talking the other day about how there doesn't seem to be any shows for the whole family to watch and enjoy anymore - shows with some good, wholesome comedy and life lessons here and there. I remember watching Family Matters, Full House, Boy Meets World, Step by Step, Hangin' with Mr. Cooper, The Fresh Price of Bel-Air, Home Improvement.. And I watched The Brady Bunch, The Partridge Family, Family Ties, Charles in Charge, Who's the Boss, Growing Pains, etc. in re-runs.

What happened to these?! And why don't they make more shows like them?

Because all but two or three of those shows were either too vanilla or awful or both?

My daughter loves Full House. It makes my head hurt.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

Because all but two or three of those shows were either too vanilla or awful or both?

You're awful for saying such things!



I just remember being so excited for Friday night tv with the family. What's on tv now that encourages families to spend a night together? Even if 'Full House' isn't your favorite, at least you know that it's something you would feel comfortable watching with your daughter.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by ASTalumna06

You're awful for saying such things!

I know. Ain't I a stinker?

I just remember being so excited for Friday night tv with the family. What's on tv now that encourages families to spend a night together? Even if 'Full House' isn't your favorite, at least you know that it's something you would feel comfortable watching with your daughter.

Are you kidding? There's no way a show like that could work as a family tv night in our house. She watches it now and her brother comes in the room and asks why in the world she is watching "that awful show." I know it's not pc to say it, but I think that like most of those Friday night shows you listed, it's not a show that lots of guys are going to willingly watch.

No, I wouldn't have to worry about the language or suggestive situations. But that's just not enough.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

I know. Ain't I a stinker?

Are you kidding? There's no way a show like that could work as a family tv night in our house. She watches it now and her brother comes in the room and asks why in the world she is watching "that awful show." I know it's not pc to say it, but I think that like most of those Friday night shows you listed, it's not a show that lots of guys are going to willingly watch.

No, I wouldn't have to worry about the language or suggestive situations. But that's just not enough.

Haha.. Well that's more what I'm getting at - the content of the show. I'm not saying you HAVE to watch 'Full House' .. Or maybe you do now because there aren't as many options for family shows as there used to be.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by ASTalumna06

Haha.. Well that's more what I'm getting at - the content of the show. I'm not saying you HAVE to watch 'Full House' .. Or maybe you do now because there aren't as many options for family shows as there used to be.

I don't know -- Disney channel is full of current equivalents of Full House. But as a family, we prefer things like The Amazing Race or Chopped, or DVDs of things like I Love Lucy or The Andy Griffith Show.

[IUHoosiergirl88]

OP here--I completely agree with the structured thing! I was on the leading edge of that overly structured activity driven lifestyle...when I went to college, I was like woah, free time. I wasn't sure what to do with myself!

I just recently started my first 'big girl' job and came in with other kids roughly my age (year or two older or younger) and was shocked at both how they acted and how they dressed in a professional setting. We were set up in small groups with senior executives in our division for a lunch so we could ask questions, etc. One person introduced himself by saying "Hi, I"m XXX YYY and I've never worked in my life"...I had to pick my jaw off the table! I've actually had managers and my team lead tell me they actually respect me because I don't require direction every 30 seconds. Young adults are no longer self-sufficient, it seems like

[ElvisLover]

Who remembers gathering as a family to watch "The Carol Burnett Show" on Saturday nights?!

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by ElvisLover

Who remembers gathering as a family to watch "The Carol Burnett Show" on Saturday nights?!

Me, me, me, me!!!