Need some advice!

[sarahmass94]

Ok, I'm a senior in high school, and I don't know for sure where I'm going to go to college at, but I do know that wherever I end up, I want to join a sorority. The problem is, my mom has a problem with sororities, and its really hard to talk to her about it, because even though she listens to what I have to say, she doesn't hear me, if you get what I mean. What should I do?

[etadrisophila]

For starters, read this thread:
http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...d.php?t=127686

[adpiucf]

You can also get a part time job and pay for your dues yourself.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by adpiucf

You can also get a part time job and pay for your dues yourself.

That really isn't the be-all and end-all of it. I am guessing she would also like her mother to be in her corner for something she wants to pursue.

sarahmass94 - Unless all the schools you've applied to are pretty homogenous, Greek life is going to be very different from school to school. Wait until you know for sure where you're going to have the sorority talk so you know what you're talking about (i.e. if you end up at a school without sorority housing, you're going to sound silly if you told her that it's a safe housing option).

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by adpiucf

You can also get a part time job and pay for your dues yourself.

That doesn't even seem to be one of her concerns, since she didn't mention money or dues.

To the OP: I understand where you're coming from. My mother is virulently anti-Greek and does not support me or my sister's Greek memberships and activities (especially lame since we're way out of college at this point). To that end, she'll get over it. It sounds harsh but it's true.

Like 33 said, it's probably best to wait until you know where you're going to school. My undergrad had sororities housed on campus so it wasn't any different from living in the dorm, whereas a sorority house may be another host of issues.

Good luck!

[sarahmass94]

One of my top choice schools is CSULB, I wanted to go there and get a theatre degree, which is what my mom also did. I have family who live in the area, my mother's parents only live about 8 minutes away, actually. Anyway I've talked to some of the women in the Greek system there, because I was writing a paper for school my sophomore year on Greek life on university campuses, and they were all really nice, and I'm still in touch with one of them. I was also looking into some schools in North Carolina, (my brother and his wife live in Sanford). I know telling you this probably isnt important, but it may help, if anyone knows anything about Greek life in those areas..

[Titchou]

Does your mother have a particular objection to sororities or does she just not know much about them? If it's grade related, Greek women generally have a higher GPA than non Greek women or the all campus average. You can usually get that info from the Greek Life office at the school.

[sarahmass94]

Originally Posted by Titchou

Does your mother have a particular objection to sororities or does she just not know much about them? If it's grade related, Greek women generally have a higher GPA than non Greek women or the all campus average. You can usually get that info from the Greek Life office at the school.

She had a friend who was in one when they were in college, and according to my mom it "ruined" her friend's life. My mom said that when her friend joined, her grades dropped (I believe I was told the friend basically flunked out) because she was always doing sorority stuff, that her friend was always at these frat parties and there was tons of alcohol, things like that. She also says things like the oh-so-typical "you shouldn't have to pay for friends" line. I try to explain that that was one woman's experience, with one house, basically 20 years ago, but she doesn't seem to want to hear it.

[Titchou]

Do you plan to make campus visits before deciding on a school? That could be very helpful with your mom. Most Greek Life offices will mett with you and give you information - many have tables set up or someone Greek talk with the students on campus visits. You can also pull up the Pamhellenic web site for that school that will give her information on the Greeks there.

Or, a story closer to my heart since I went to Alabama, google articles on the tornadoes that hit Tuscaloosa in April of last year. The sororities and fraternities did TONS of volunteer work that is documented. They all pooled whatever food was in theor houses and provided free meals for the emergency workers and the victims. It was unprecedented! Here's just one: http://cw.ua.edu/2011/04/30/greeks-o...elief-efforts/

[DubaiSis]

The NPC website has lots of information. Send her to NPC Parents
We all know that there are girls who fall apart when they join sororities, but it doesn't have to, and in fact doesn't for the vast majority of members. If they did, the sororities would fold faster than we could get them started up. The reality is sorority membership leads to better grades, better leadership experience and vital socialization (good life lessons). And the other fact is that there are plenty of college students who torpedo their education because of too much partying. This is not a mutually exclusive issue.
If there are any Alumnae NPC events in your area, maybe you can talk your mom into going so she can get a more realistic idea of what it means to be a sorority woman.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by DubaiSis

The NPC website has lots of information. Send her to NPC Parents
We all know that there are girls who fall apart when they join sororities, but it doesn't have to, and in fact doesn't for the vast majority of members. If they did, the sororities would fold faster than we could get them started up. The reality is sorority membership leads to better grades, better leadership experience and vital socialization (good life lessons). And the other fact is that there are plenty of college students who torpedo their education because of too much partying. This is not a mutually exclusive issue.
If there are any Alumnae NPC events in your area, maybe you can talk your mom into going so she can get a more realistic idea of what it means to be a sorority woman.

When I was a freshman, I acted kinda crazy for the first couple of months, and it was my big who sat me down and set me straight.

[sarahmass94]

I don't really have the opportunity to make college visits unfortunately (partly because they aren't considered excused absences at my school, which is weird to me) but I feel like it would be hard to get my mom to checkout those websites (I gave her email address to an alumni lady who's an adviser at one of the CSULB GLO I talked to for my paper while I was writing the paper, she was not happy.. I was 16, so I know thinking back I should have thought it through a little more.) Usually my mom is pretty open minded and willing to discuss things with me, but its just something about this that she doesn't like or want to talk about. My dad never says anything for the most part, and he tries to buffer when it comes up in conversation, so I don't think he really cares whether I go Greek or not. And I hope this doesn't make my mom sound bad, because she's great, and I love her, its just that its hard to talk about this with her.
And i haven't heard of alumnae groups where i live, and again it would be hard to try to get her to go.

[Titchou]

I PMd you.

[DubaiSis]

Do some reading about conflict resolution and negotiating. As a 17 year old, you are possibly (but subconsciously) hurting your own argument by yelling, not listening to your mother's point of view, not being supportive in other areas, while wanting your mother to play ball with this one, etc. May not, but we get more than our share of young girls here who make a request and when they don't get the answer they like they turn into very pouty children. Make sure that is NOT what you're doing with your mother.

Can you negotiate with her that you will drop your membership if your grades don't maintain X level (don't be too generous with that number)? Can you promise her you'll call her at 11 PM several times a week to ensure her you're not getting drunk every night? There is some cutting of apron strings that has to happen, but if your mom is struggling with you going away, you might need to be a bit more attentive to her needs.

[sarahmass94]

I don't really yell, we just can't talk about it without her saying negative things. I can try the stuff you suggested, though i am not entirely sure how it will go over.