Is it ok to attend rush events if you are not rushing until next semester?

UnoriginalName · #1 08-23-2012, 06:34 PM

I was planning on rushing this fall, but I got into quite a bit of trouble with my parents so I am not allowed to rush this semester. I am however going to rush next semester and I was wondering if it is acceptable to show up to rush events to get to know all the fraternities a little bit so that I can be better informed in my decision next semester. At my school they bus out all the people that are rushing to the formal events and then they get taken back to their dorms, then the fraternities have events afterwards, like everyone going out to a bar and playing pool and getting some food, don't worry they are not serving booze to anyone they have one of the IFC guys there making sure of that. Is it ok for me to show up to these after events, and parties and introduce myself to them to let them know that I am interested and will be rushing next semester or should I wait until after bid day so that they can deal with all of the people rushing/pledging that semester? If it is acceptable should I introduce myself by saying, "Hi my name is ____, I just wanted to let you know that I am not rushing this semester because my parents will not let me this semester but next semester I am." or should I wait a while before letting them know that I am not rushing until spring?

LaneSig · #2 08-23-2012, 08:04 PM

Yes, you can attend events and be upfront about not wanting to pledge until next semester.

However, at some of the bigger campuses, a few fraternities do not take a spring pledge class. Check with the members to see if they are taking a spring class.

excelblue · #3 08-24-2012, 04:53 AM

I'm gonna be extremely blunt here: you're in college, and you're an adult. Your parents shouldn't be controlling your decision on whether or not you decide to rush. Instead, it should be one where you make the decision and then inform the parents about it.

That said, if after all circumstances considered, you still decide not to rush, it doesn't hurt to go out, be social, find out some info, and make a few friends anyways. If the chapter really wants you, they'll try to get you next semester.

LaneSig · #4 08-24-2012, 09:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by excelblue

I'm gonna be extremely blunt here: you're in college, and you're an adult. Your parents shouldn't be controlling your decision on whether or not you decide to rush. Instead, it should be one where you make the decision and then inform the parents about it.

That said, if after all circumstances considered, you still decide not to rush, it doesn't hurt to go out, be social, find out some info, and make a few friends anyways. If the chapter really wants you, they'll try to get you next semester.

For some of us, parents were footing the bills and let us know what we could and could not do. Even in college.

If his parents have said, no fraternity until Spring, even though he may not agree, why would he want to go against them and get them angrier? It might be a nail in the coffin that turns the parents against Greek Life totally and even causes them to say: "We're not paying for University of State if you are going to act like this. You can go to Podunk Central State University." I've seen it happen.

pshsx1 · #5 08-24-2012, 09:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LaneSig

For some of us, parents were footing the bills and let us know what we could and could not do. Even in college.

If his parents have said, no fraternity until Spring, even though he may not agree, why would he want to go against them and get them angrier? It might be a nail in the coffin that turns the parents against Greek Life totally and even causes them to say: "We're not paying for University of State if you are going to act like this. You can go to Podunk Central State University." I've seen it happen.

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MysticCat · #6 08-24-2012, 10:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pshsx1

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Ditto.

UnoriginalName · #7 08-25-2012, 09:37 PM

My parents are paying my tuition so I am not gonna ruin that and have to pay 10k a semester just so that I can rush 5 months earlier. But i do understand their decision, I REALLY REALLY messed up so I am not going to fight it, the punishment is well deserved. and thanks for the advice lanesig and excelblue

amanda6035 · #8 08-25-2012, 10:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by UnoriginalName

If it is acceptable should I introduce myself by saying, "Hi my name is ____, I just wanted to let you know that I am not rushing this semester because my parents will not let me this semester but next semester I am."

While this may be the truth, you will look LAME if you say this. I would find another plausible reason on why you're holding out, that doesn't sound so... Mama's boy-ish.

pshsx1 · #9 08-26-2012, 02:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by amanda6035

While this may be the truth, you will look LAME if you say this. I would find another plausible reason on why you're holding out, that doesn't sound so... Mama's boy-ish.

No. Incorrect.

If a PNM says "my parents don't want me to join this semester," the fraternity will continue to recruit (and maybe try to convince the parents), but they will be understanding because we try to please parents, not piss them off.

excelblue · #10 08-26-2012, 04:42 AM

I think the key difference is how it's viewed and framed.

Saying that your parents won't "let" you join/rush implies that it's their decision.

Saying that your parents doesn't "want" you to join/rush implies that while the opinion is theirs, the decision is yours. Now, it's just a matter of balancing priorities and taking into consideration that family relations are important.

In some extremely rare instances, it's perfectly OK to have parents pull the funding for your education. You just get a job, declare financial independence, and be emotionally prepared to be disowned. Though, this is almost guaranteed to be a bad idea in practice.

Nonetheless, the point is: decision is yours. The consequences are for you to weigh.

DeltaBetaBaby · #11 08-26-2012, 02:10 PM

I'm gonna lane swerve, here, but if you are not planning to pledge this semester, under any circumstances, you can go to events, but not ALL of the events. You can shop around a bit, and get a feel for each chapter, but don't be the guy who shows up every night for free food and parties and starts to look like a leech.