I'm a PNM who's kind of thinking of depledging...

[WCsweet<3]

Every chapter wants their members to be involved outside of the chapter. It would make sense for the chapter (struggling or not) to encourage your outside commitments especially if it means that much to you. You may not be the only one in a time conflict. I would suggest holding back on the entire: "we're struggling with numbers are you just sugarcoating this to keep me?"

With RFM (assuming you aren't at Indiana) your chapter had a fairly large pool to choose new members from and you were high enough to be their new member. Even groups that struggle with numbers cut PNMs no matter what anyone says.

[TriDeltaSallie]

Originally Posted by WCsweet<3

Even groups that struggle with numbers cut PNMs no matter what anyone says.

As someone from a chapter that struggled I just wanted to say this is true. If they gave you a bid, they wanted you.

Re: your commitment to church... I was involved with my church while I was in my chapter and my faith is very important to me. I did have to adjust my involvement at church, but I believed the tradeoff was worth it. I'm not trying to downplay your commitment to your church, but it should be possible to be in a sorority and also be involved in your church. Thousands of sorority women do it. You might not be able to do the exact same things you do now, but there are other ways to get involved. You could also participate in a Bible study in your chapter or even start one if there are enough women who are interested. Is there something like a Greek InterVarsity on your campus?

Re: the reputation... Give it the full new member period. If you really feel that the chapter is an unhealthy one overall and not just that there are a couple of wild women, then don't go through initiation. But I think you should really give it your best effort for at least a few more weeks.

You only have two years to enjoy a sorority collegiate membership. You have the rest of your life to continue serving at your church. You will also have the rest of your life to enjoy your sorority as an alumna. I would find a way to make it work for the lifelong opportunities.

[ComradesTrue]

If faith is important to you, have you approached it from the angle that perhaps you were placed in this chapter for a reason? Maybe there is an element of a "bigger plan?" Maybe there's not, who's to say? However, I do concur with the others that you should consider sticking it out a little longer. Not near enough time has passed to truly know the chapter.

I do know of a situation where a chapter was known to be able to outdrink the boys on campus. "Kegs on legs" was the term used to describe them, and they took that term as a badge of honor. In a matter of just 4 years, the same chapter was known as the ones where all the members were in church on Sunday morning. Things can and do change.

How many of your pledge sisters have you met? There may be others who share similar values to you and may be struggling as well. Heck, the whole pledge class (and the chapter too!) may have a different vibe that what you have been told. Give this some time and base this on YOUR feelings of the chapter- not what others tell you that you should be feeling.

[kokopelli]

I like how I made it pretty clear that I had self esteem issues and how great it felt to actually be wanted even when it wasn't my first choice, and everyone spends the rest of the thread saying "you're disgusting, they deserve better than you, quit now!" And you wonder why people don't have a good image of Greek life. Stay classy, ladies.
It's not even that I think I'm "better" than these women or I think they're some kind of harlots (but it's awesome that mentioning I was a Christian immediately made everyone think I was hardcore judging these girls for their personal decisions) - it's that I don't know if I can fit in with them, and I don't even know if I am cut out for Greek life as a whole. Less than 2% of my campus is Greek, and I'm just now understanding what I've really gotten myself into. I'm sure there are girls who would love to be in my spot, and if I did leave, maybe someone in COB would take my place who would immediately adore this chapter.
There is some great advice on here, and I'm seeing some of my sisters tomorrow, so I think I will bring up with the older girls that I have a lot of other commitments (my church isn't the only one) and I'm not sure if I can really devote myself here and see if they can help me out. We'll see how that, and my whole new member period, goes.
But really, thank you so much for all encouraging advice. I wasn't sure I was cut out for Greek life. Seeing some of the attitudes on here, maybe I'm just not.

[DGTess]

Originally Posted by kokopelli

There is some great advice on here, and I'm seeing some of my sisters tomorrow, so I think I will bring up with the older girls that I have a lot of other commitments (my church isn't the only one) and I'm not sure if I can really devote myself here and see if they can help me out. We'll see how that, and my whole new member period, goes.
But really, thank you so much for all encouraging advice. I wasn't sure I was cut out for Greek life. Seeing some of the attitudes on here, maybe I'm just not.

This board can have some very negative vibes. I'm sorry you hit them so quickly; it does present a poor impression of our sisterhoods. But people are people, and there will be those no matter where you go, so ....

I might recommend when you bring up the issue with your sisters, you not approach it as "I'm not sure if I can really devote myself here" but rather "I'm trying to figure out how to balance all these commitments." Please be willing to compromise on both sides -- if church commitments can not be fulfilled at different times from chapter commitments, you will have to make that choice. The chapter is not likely to change its meeting times to meet one individual's schedule, but your volunteer commitments perhaps could change. I'm not trying to prioritize for you, but am asking you to approach it from a "how can I make it work" perspective.

[ASUADPi]

Originally Posted by kokopelli

I like how I made it pretty clear that I had self esteem issues and how great it felt to actually be wanted even when it wasn't my first choice, and everyone spends the rest of the thread saying "you're disgusting, they deserve better than you, quit now!" And you wonder why people don't have a good image of Greek life. Stay classy, ladies.
It's not even that I think I'm "better" than these women or I think they're some kind of harlots (but it's awesome that mentioning I was a Christian immediately made everyone think I was hardcore judging these girls for their personal decisions) - it's that I don't know if I can fit in with them, and I don't even know if I am cut out for Greek life as a whole. Less than 2% of my campus is Greek, and I'm just now understanding what I've really gotten myself into. I'm sure there are girls who would love to be in my spot, and if I did leave, maybe someone in COB would take my place who would immediately adore this chapter.
There is some great advice on here, and I'm seeing some of my sisters tomorrow, so I think I will bring up with the older girls that I have a lot of other commitments (my church isn't the only one) and I'm not sure if I can really devote myself here and see if they can help me out. We'll see how that, and my whole new member period, goes.
But really, thank you so much for all encouraging advice. I wasn't sure I was cut out for Greek life. Seeing some of the attitudes on here, maybe I'm just not.

Um, I'm pretty sure no one said you were disgusting. You came on asking for advice. You also came on with an attitude. You may not like the advice, but we aren't going to sugar coat it for you. You aren't going to get people here being "oh yes sweetie...poor you...they are so mean...those meanies not giving you your first choice...etc..." We are going to tell you the facts.

What is disgusting is your attitude, which has nothing to do with self-esteem. You have already made, via a preconceived notion, that this chapter isn't right for you. You have a negative attitude about it. And as my awesome sister, adpiucf, pointed out, you are still upset that you didn't get your first choice.

Look, I get the last feeling, not getting your first choice (or getting what you wanted) sucks. We have all been there. But as humans we don't always get what we want and we have to get over it and move on. What is irking people is the fact that you do have these preconceived notions that you are placing upon the chapter as a whole. You are looking at what a couple of girls do and saying to yourself "the whole chapter must do this". This isn't true.

The reality is, every chapter is going to have the girls that party hard, the girls who sleep around, the brainiacs, the bitches, the sweeties. This is life. Not everyone has the same personalities, opinions, morals or ethics as those around them. That is also what makes a chapter exciting! You aren't going to find that everyone is just a drone.

You said that you appreciated that this chapter made you feel wanted. Why aren't you hanging on to that feeling? This chapter WANTED you!!!!!! If you can't or aren't willing to give all of yourself, get rid of your negative opinions that you have formed after one week, start anew, and actually make an effort to get to know the sisters, then what people are saying is right, you should quit. The chapter doesn't deserve a sister who doesn't really want to be there.

You also need to understand that you were wanted in both chapters but you were higher on your current chapters bid list than the other chapter's bid list. When it comes to matching, the system does want to give girls their top choices, but sometimes it just doesn't work out. Think about those girls who didn't get matched at all (unless your school has a guaranteed placement if you maximize your options, which I think most schools are going too).

I don't know if maybe you are conflicted about all your other interests and activities and how it will work with a sorority. I can tell you that you can make it work. The chapter I used to advise is on a really small campus (like 3000 students). The girls are involved in multiple (and I mean multiple) activities. They made it work. They became experts and managing their time (when it came to their activities). As people have stated, you won't be able to miss mandatory events because of a church meeting or youth group. I'm sure most sororities only allow you to miss mandatory events for class or emergencies. You would really need to talk to your new member educator about that.

I still stand by my previous opinion that if you can't give 110%, and get rid of your negative attitude and your preconceived notions about the chapter, then you should quit.

Only you can decide.

[Cheerio]

Originally Posted by kokopelli

I like how I made it pretty clear that I had self esteem issues and how great it felt to actually be wanted even when it wasn't my first choice, and everyone spends the rest of the thread saying "you're disgusting, they deserve better than you, quit now!" And you wonder why people don't have a good image of Greek life. Stay classy, ladies.
It's not even that I think I'm "better" than these women or I think they're some kind of harlots (but it's awesome that mentioning I was a Christian immediately made everyone think I was hardcore judging these girls for their personal decisions) - it's that I don't know if I can fit in with them, and I don't even know if I am cut out for Greek life as a whole. Less than 2% of my campus is Greek, and I'm just now understanding what I've really gotten myself into. I'm sure there are girls who would love to be in my spot, and if I did leave, maybe someone in COB would take my place who would immediately adore this chapter.
There is some great advice on here, and I'm seeing some of my sisters tomorrow, so I think I will bring up with the older girls that I have a lot of other commitments (my church isn't the only one) and I'm not sure if I can really devote myself here and see if they can help me out. We'll see how that, and my whole new member period, goes.
But really, thank you so much for all encouraging advice. I wasn't sure I was cut out for Greek life. Seeing some of the attitudes on here, maybe I'm just not.

To the OP: As DGTess suggested, I hope you can make it work.

The sisters of your new chapter chose to connect with you because you have qualities they require and respect. What you choose to give them in return as a sister is up to you.

[MaryPoppins]

Originally Posted by Cheerio

The sisters of your new chapter chose to connect with you because you have qualities they require and respect. What you choose to give them in return as a sister is up to you.

^^^This is said absolutely perfectly.