How to motivate girls to go to social events!

[littleowl33]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Things will never change if the people who DO want something other than a hookup fest (like maybe meeting new friends of the opposite sex - wow what a wild concept) continually avoid mixers. Be the change you want to see. Plus this isn't about men & women- it's about honoring a commitment.

Not trying to pick a fight here, but the use of that phrase in this context brings the lolz. Mixers are serious business, folks.

Honestly, though, I don't see how joining a sorority constitutes committing to drinking in a basement with the bros* for the next four years, regardless of whether you feel like it or not. The responsibilities I pledged to uphold did not include partying with fraternity men so that other greeks would like us more. I joined a sorority to make friends (both male and female) and gain leadership experience. I did both, I guess in spite of my decision to skip some mixers and instead spend time doing things I found more enjoyable. I have absolutely no beef with the sisters who did like to go - more power to 'em. But the one-size-fits-all model of what it means to be a "good" sister who "honors her commitments" doesn't work on all campuses and in all chapters. And frankly, I'm not impressed the criteria being chosen in this thread for what constitutes a valuable member of a sorority.

*Yes, I realize that's not what constitutes a mixer on all campuses, but that's essentially what it was where I went to college.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by littleowl33

Not trying to pick a fight here, but the use of that phrase in this context brings the lolz. Mixers are serious business, folks.

Honestly, though, I don't see how joining a sorority constitutes committing to drinking in a basement with the bros* for the next four years, regardless of whether you feel like it or not. The responsibilities I pledged to uphold did not include partying with fraternity men so that other greeks would like us more. I joined a sorority to make friends (both male and female) and gain leadership experience. I did both, I guess in spite of my decision to skip some mixers and instead spend time doing things I found more enjoyable. I have absolutely no beef with the sisters who did like to go - more power to 'em. But the one-size-fits-all model of what it means to be a "good" sister who "honors her commitments" doesn't work on all campuses and in all chapters. And frankly, I'm not impressed the criteria being chosen in this thread for what constitutes a valuable member of a sorority.

*Yes, I realize that's not what constitutes a mixer on all campuses, but that's essentially what it was where I went to college.

Like it or not, earning a reputation as the sorority that doesn't do social stuff hurts your recruitment, hurts participation in your philanthropy, and can harm your sisterhood (as we see here with the OP describing a divide by class).

Nobody is saying that every sister has to go to social events. The overwhelming gist of the thread has been "don't commit to events and then not attend them" or "find out if members are unsatisfied".

[AXOmom]

Originally Posted by littleowl33

Not trying to pick a fight here, but the use of that phrase in this context brings the lolz. Mixers are serious business, folks.

Honestly, though, I don't see how joining a sorority constitutes committing to drinking in a basement with the bros* for the next four years, regardless of whether you feel like it or not. The responsibilities I pledged to uphold did not include partying with fraternity men so that other greeks would like us more. I joined a sorority to make friends (both male and female) and gain leadership experience. I did both, I guess in spite of my decision to skip some mixers and instead spend time doing things I found more enjoyable. I have absolutely no beef with the sisters who did like to go - more power to 'em. But the one-size-fits-all model of what it means to be a "good" sister who "honors her commitments" doesn't work on all campuses and in all chapters. And frankly, I'm not impressed the criteria being chosen in this thread for what constitutes a valuable member of a sorority.

*Yes, I realize that's not what constitutes a mixer on all campuses, but that's essentially what it was where I went to college.

Littleowl33 - I have a curiosity question that I am asking in all seriousness because the only thing I know about sororities and greek life is what my daughter tells me about how things work at the schools she's been at, and what I read on this forum, so I'm interested in how things work in different places.

You mentioned that you joined a sorority to meet friends - male and female which I think is true for most college kids (certainly was for mine) and I understand how a sorority would logically help you meet female friends. How did you think it was going to help you make male friends when you decided to rush and how did it, in fact, help you make male friends?

I guess what I'm asking is since you mentioned you didn't really care for the party/mixer/date dash/exchanges type of things what events or activities did you think a sorority was going to have or what events and activities did it have that helped you make male friends? I think that info might be helpful for the OP.

[littleowl33]

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

Like it or not, earning a reputation as the sorority that doesn't do social stuff hurts your recruitment, hurts participation in your philanthropy, and can harm your sisterhood (as we see here with the OP describing a divide by class).

I don't dispute this. But that wasn't what I was talking about. This is what I have an issue with:

Originally Posted by 33girl

Just think about this the next time rush comes around and don't pledge a bunch of bumps on logs.

I would also have your social chair and programming VP (or whatever she's called) contact your HQ. If this is your first year, more than likely your HQ had a part in selecting the current members of your chapter. Let them know they have selected some members who are missing a very important component of being a well rounded young woman.

Originally Posted by DubaiSis

...I'd tell the girls to suck it up. When you pledged your sorority, you also joined a Greek System, and that means obligation to the whole campus. Again, suck it up. And if this colony or new chapter pledged a group of gals who have no interest in the social aspect of Greek life (which I find very perplexing) I think they may need to do some quick-fire adjustments to their MS.

Originally Posted by 33girl

These girls joined a Greek SYSTEM. Suck it up and do what is expected. If you can't do that, either have some really amazing input to change it or drop out.

Like I said, I don't get why a member is "obligated" or "expected" to "suck it up" and go to socials with fraternities if she's uncomfortable with that or doesn't enjoy it. And deciding that anyone for whom this isn't a good time is a "bump on a log" or shouldn't have been given a bid is pretty narrow-minded, in my opinion. A sorority is about building friendships with your sisters and working to better your community through service. There are many, many ways to contribute to this mission that don't involve mixers and date exchanges. I made a pledge to Kappa, not a "system" or "the whole campus", and that pledge definitely didn't include the requirement that I go out and party to make my group look good to other Greeks. If that attitude was the one my chapter sisters had I wouldn't have gone Greek.

Moving on.

Originally Posted by AXOmom

Littleowl33 - I have a curiosity question that I am asking in all seriousness because the only thing I know about sororities and greek life is what my daughter tells me about how things work at the schools she's been at, and what I read on this forum, so I'm interested in how things work in different places.

You mentioned that you joined a sorority to meet friends - male and female which I think is true for most college kids (certainly was for mine) and I understand how a sorority would logically help you meet female friends. How did you think it was going to help you make male friends when you decided to rush and how did it, in fact, help you make male friends?

I guess what I'm asking is since you mentioned you didn't really care for the party/mixer/date dash/exchanges type of things what events or activities did you think a sorority was going to have or what events and activities did it have that helped you make male friends? I think that info might be helpful for the OP.

Actually, I never missed a single Kappa date party or formal in undergrad, including those structured as date dashes or exchanges. What I did skip was some of the mixers, especially later in my college career since as I mentioned, they mostly consisted of hanging out in row house basements drinking Natty Boh, which gets old quickly. I would say I personally attended at least 90% of the social events organized by my sorority as an undergrad because:

- A big portion of my dues were going towards them, and why waste money?
- I thought they were fun.
- I do think it's important to get out there and mingle with other Greeks, both for your own personal benefit and for your group's benefit.

However, this is MY opinion. What I don't agree with is having this imposed on every member of the chapter or devaluing sisters who don't enjoy going out. There is a lot more than you can offer your chapter besides your ability to go out and charm fraternity men.

So, back to your original question - I met a pretty diverse group of people as a sorority member just because of the volume of new people you meet as a Greek. My campus has deferred recruitment, and in the first semester of my freshman year I had a group of about 10-15 friends that I spent time with regularly. Very few people at my college knew each other from high school, so at first, everyone mostly ended up hanging out with people they knew from their dorm. After the first week or two your group of friends was fairly set (at least for freshman year).

After pledging, there were immediately 45+ more women I spent time with on a regular basis, who had many more connections on campus and could introduce me to their friends and help me meet new people (these days the chapter has grown to 100+ women, so the result is even more dramatic). I met Greek and non-Greek male friends at the aforementioned social events, but mostly through just hanging out or going to small private parties with older sisters. I ended up meeting my SO at my first-ever mixer, which happened to be with his fraternity, and as a result a fairly large percentage of my male college friends were from that house. Going Greek immediately opened me up to a much, much wider realm of experiences and new people than I would have had otherwise.

Does that help?

[33girl]

Originally Posted by littleowl33

I made a pledge to Kappa, not a "system" or "the whole campus", and that pledge definitely didn't include the requirement that I go out and party to make my group look good to other Greeks. If that attitude was the one my chapter sisters had I wouldn't have gone Greek.

I'm sure there's something in the Kappa membership vows or the pledge program about support of campus and community. A Greek org does not exist in a vacuum. I'm sure that for RM purposes, a lot of our national officers/offices would love if fraternities and partying had nothing to do with membership or campus reputation, but it just doesn't work that way.

And, the bolded. I know your school is pretty unconventional, but let's not pretend that this would fly at some other chapters of your sorority across the country.

The point about the OP's quandry is - this is a BRAND NEW chapter. I've never heard of a brand new chapter that is successful where a large group of its members don't want to participate in something that is a big part of being Greek on that particular campus. If their school was big on intramurals and everyone was refusing to participate, I'd give the same advice. Suck it up and do what's expected, don't pledge a bunch of bumps on logs next time. Heaven knows I am the least athletic person on earth, but if my brand new chapter needed me to stand at the back of the volleyball court and miss passes, or cheer people on, I'd be there.

[XOcarnation]

I think the answer to her question depends on a lot of things. Campus culture really comes into play in this question. Are your functions bar crawls, mixers at the fraternity house, etc.? How big is Greek life at your university?
I totally understand 33girl's point about having an obligation to your organization and Greek life in general. And the behavior littleowl is talking about definitely would not fly at some other Kappa chapters across the country. But that is really irrelevant to helping the OP. If the OP's school is a school with a large Greek system, appealing to that sense of obligation might work. If the OP's school is like mine, trying to do that absolutely won't work. The girls have to WANT TO GO. It is all about creating programming that appeals to your sisters. Do your sisters not want to go because they are really busy (my school is really academically rigorous so this can end up being a huge problem)? Plan your social schedule thoroughly in advance with maybe max one event a week and pick a couple events with key fraternities to REALLY hype. Are they not going because all the frats serve is beer and they HATE beer? Plan the event with fraternity and ask to provide other options (cheap mixed drinks, 2 buck chuck, andre, etc). Are they not going because the events are boring? Again really get into the planning process with the fraternity social chair. Plan something with a really exciting theme or fun games. Talk to your junior class and figure out what is keeping them from attending. Until you do that, you CANNOT fix the problem. I'm sure a couple of the juniors feel the way you do. Get them on board to rally their academic class. Best of luck to you!

[mayor13]

Im the founder of a small local sorority. Our school is just now talking about recognizing greek life (even though its been around on campus for roughly 25 years) We are still rather small (3 years old) - we have 13 active sisters. It is a commuter school, so 99% of events are off campus.

We were having similar issues with girls not wanting to go to parties/mixers. We would have the same 5 girls show up to everything, while everyone else made excuses not to go. (dont like to drink, boyfriends, etc etc) We began having a lot of really bad parties because other GLO's would not show up. Since our parties are our only source of income other than our dues it was a serious problem. We decided to have our social chair make one mandatory party per month. So say if XIO, ZBT & APD are all having a party this month, one of them will be mandatory, and the others will be strongly suggested.

While some people may not agree that this is the best route to go, it has worked for us. Its definitely something to consider if you cant find out why these girls won't show up to other organizations parties.

[33girl]

I'm glad this is working for you, but NPC groups can't make anything where alcohol is served mandatory.