Virgin Diaries

[KSUViolet06]

Another thing about evangelical culture: not only do you get married within like 6-8 months of being engaged (after only dating for like 5 months) but the general expectation is that you will immediately start your family.

So in many cases, you met, got engaged to and married someone within like a year, THEN you get pregnant within a month or 2 of your wedding. That's a for sure recipe for marital bliss.

There's also the whole Christian culture thing of a woman getting married at 20 having never lived on her own. Like, you live with your parents or go straight from your college dorm (which is not living alone) to living with your husband. I personally think that nobody should get married without having lived independently.

I watched a True Life ep about virgins and there was a girl who was 19, getting married, and going straight from her PARENT'S home to her apt with her husband. She cried a lot just because going from living at home to living with a man is a shock.

Originally Posted by Leslie Anne

Yeah, that kiss was really nauseating.

I'm concerned that these couples might end up realizing down the road that they weren't really in love, they were in lust.

It happens. But they generally think that divorce is a "no no" so they stay together, miserably.

I listened to a sermon by a pastor once and he mentioned what he says to couples during pre-marital counseling and it was something like "if you're doing this because you want to sleep together and live together as quickly as possible, get out of my office." I LOLed.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

There's also the whole Christian culture thing of a woman getting married at 20 having never lived on her own. Like, you live with your parents or go straight from your college dorm (which is not living alone) to living with your husband. I personally think that nobody should get married without having lived independently.

My mom got married at 21, right out of college, and this was always the one thing she would emphasize to me. And now that I've lived on my own, I completely agree!

She said the hardest thing was when she got divorced (when she was almost 40) and there were many basic things (like paying bills, for instance) that she had zero experience with because someone else had always done them for her.

[christiangirl]

Originally Posted by knight_shadow

I wanted to watch this, but then I saw the wedding kiss and decided against it *bleh*

I'm nauseated. Like physically sick to my stomach. Partly because that was DISGUSTING...and partly because it gave me a flashback to my first kiss. Unfortunately, my boyfriend at 17 had the kissing skills of a cracked out hamster so that is how he kissed me. I almost threw up then, too.

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Another thing about evangelical culture: not only do you get married within like 6-8 months of being engaged (after only dating for like 5 months) but the general expectation is that you will immediately start your family.

I was going to do the "you can't lump everyone into one category" thing but immediately, 3 couples who all did this came to mind. All 3 went from friends to dating to engaged to married in less than a year and, of the 3, one has a child, one is pregnant, and one is trying. So yah never mind.

I think thetaj is right. There are perfectly sane, deeply personal reasons to wait but no one would want to see a show about that. I don't intend to watch.

[psusue]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Another thing about evangelical culture: not only do you get married within like 6-8 months of being engaged (after only dating for like 5 months) but the general expectation is that you will immediately start your family.

So in many cases, you met, got engaged to and married someone within like a year, THEN you get pregnant within a month or 2 of your wedding. That's a for sure recipe for marital bliss.

Now maybe it's because I went to a public, state related school and most of the married young evangelicals I know come from a very secular educational experience, but I don't actually know that many people who would fall into this category. To be truthful, I only know of one couple like that that fits the description to a 't' but they were both 25 and working (the wife) and finishing his masters (the husband). So still young but a little more understandable.

Most couples I know date for around 2 years (some a little less, most a little more), get engaged for about 6-8 months, get married, and wait a few years to have children for personal and professional reasons. Call me crazy but I don't think that that sounds too unreasonable. I mean I know people who got married at 18, but they're still together now 5 years later and no kids yet. I also know those that got married within a year of knowing one another, but waited 4 years until they finished their degrees to have kids. But like thetaj said, that wouldn't make a good story, so why publicize it?

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

There's also the whole Christian culture thing of a woman getting married at 20 having never lived on her own. Like, you live with your parents or go straight from your college dorm (which is not living alone) to living with your husband. I personally think that nobody should get married without having lived independently.

I watched a True Life ep about virgins and there was a girl who was 19, getting married, and going straight from her PARENT'S home to her apt with her husband.

I mean while I can see your point here, most of my friends when they decided they wanted to get engaged didn't see the point of living separately (and more expensively) for a year just to 'get the experience' of it. I mean I know well that forever doesn't always mean forever, but if you look at it from their perspective-- if you're going to be together forever, it might be more useful to you to figure out how to do that together rather than separately and then try to mesh together. Just a thought.

Originally Posted by thetaj

Okay no one is going to want to watch the show if they don't make it look absolutely absurd.

This. If the story doesn't sell, why run it?

Originally Posted by thetaj

I DO have ONE friend who won't kiss until her wedding. She's 21 and engaged, to her first long-term boyfriend, but to her defense they have been dating for like 3 years. I still think it's weird and so do most of our mutual church friends, many of whom are very pro-abstinence... I just can't seem to wrap my head around why you can't kiss someone. I get the logic behind abstaining from sex, but kissing? (shrug) To each his own.

I've had friends like this. I don't agree with it personally but it's their choice. It does make staying abstinent easier though. I mean really, who could start having sex without kissing first? Awkward.

[KSUViolet06]

^^^^That's the part about not kissing that I don't get. You haven't done ANYTHING except hold hands and then BAM, you're going from zero to EVERYTHING in 24 hours. That's enough to cause a panic attack itself.

I remember reading on a SUPER evangelical blog about a girl who wouldn't even allow herself to hold hands or ANYTHING with her fiance until marriage. They had a "purity" ruler that they used to make sure they were at least 12 inches apart at all times. Like, they couldn't even sit next to each other and hug while watching a movie. Her reasoning was that "it's too tempting."

For the life of me I do not understand what is so potentially tempting about sitting next to someone. If you're seriously tempted to lewd thoughts by sitting next to someone, you have bigger problems.

I get the point of not having sex. Really, as a Christian, I do. I just don't get what is being proved by being extra with it and cutting out other things that in themselves aren't tempting (ex: kissing or holding hands.)

I also don't get the general rush into marriage that comes with abstinence (yes, I know that's not everyone but that's just been my experience with younger couples living.) Like, you think Suzy is being "unGodly" by having premarital sex and living with her boyfriend. Yet couples rush into a LIFETIME commitment with the primary goal of it being so you can do the same thing? Hmm.

I guess what I'm saying is that the point of your abstinence shouldn't be ZOMG I NEED TO FIND A HUBBY AND GET LAID BEFORE 25. I think it's meant to be something more meaningful than that. Otherwise why bother? (does that make sense?)

But then again, I'm also a pretty big hippie as far as Christians go and I go to a church full of the most non-conservative people you will ever meet, so you have to take my crazy opinions with a grain of salt. I've also lead youth groups before so as you can imagine, I've spent a whole lot of time talking about sex and God (more than I would like to.) lol.

[ree-Xi]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

^^^^That's the part about not kissing that I don't get. You haven't done ANYTHING except hold hands and then BAM, you're going from zero to EVERYTHING in 24 hours. That's enough to cause a panic attack itself.

I remember reading on a SUPER evangelical blog about a girl who wouldn't even allow herself to hold hands or ANYTHING with her fiance until marriage. They had a "purity" ruler that they used to make sure they were at least 12 inches apart at all times. Like, they couldn't even sit next to each other and hug while watching a movie. Her reasoning was that "it's too tempting."

For the life of me I do not understand what is so potentially tempting about sitting next to someone. If you're seriously tempted to lewd thoughts by sitting next to someone, you have bigger problems.

I get the point of not having sex. Really, as a Christian, I do. I just don't get what is being proved by being extra with it and cutting out other things that in themselves aren't tempting (ex: kissing or holding hands.)

I also don't get the general rush into marriage that comes with abstinence (yes, I know that's not everyone but that's just been my experience with younger couples living.) Like, you think Suzy is being "unGodly" by having premarital sex and living with her boyfriend. Yet couples rush into a LIFETIME commitment with the primary goal of it being so you can do the same thing? Hmm.

I guess what I'm saying is that the point of your abstinence shouldn't be ZOMG I NEED TO FIND A HUBBY AND GET LAID BEFORE 25. I think it's meant to be something more meaningful than that. Otherwise why bother? (does that make sense?)

But then again, I'm also a pretty big hippie as far as Christians go and I go to a church full of the most non-conservative people you will ever meet, so you have to take my crazy opinions with a grain of salt. I've also lead youth groups before so as you can imagine, I've spent a whole lot of time talking about sex and God (more than I would like to.) lol.

Was it Katrina? I follow a few "fundie" blogs. It's a very interesting culture. The infamous Duggars (of 19 kids and Counting) preach no kissing/hugging/sex before marriage. Their TN friends, the Bates, just had their oldest son enter into a "courtship" and nope, not allowed to touch. At All.

And yes, they are expected to go from 0-60 on their wedding night, get pregnant right away and keep reproducing. Many are part of the "Quiverful" movement (though some refuse to accept the label) but the basic theory is to allow God to open and close your womb. The name comes from the bible scripture that says blessed are the men whose quivers are full (of arrows? Children? It's all so interesting.)

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by ree-Xi

Was it Katrina? I follow a few "fundie" blogs. It's a very interesting culture. The infamous Duggars (of 19 kids and Counting) preach no kissing/hugging/sex before marriage. Their TN friends, the Bates, just had their oldest son enter into a "courtship" and nope, not allowed to touch. At All.

And yes, they are expected to go from 0-60 on their wedding night, get pregnant right away and keep reproducing. Many are part of the "Quiverful" movement (though some refuse to accept the label) but the basic theory is to allow God to open and close your womb. The name comes from the bible scripture that says blessed are the men whose quivers are full (of arrows? Children? It's all so interesting.)

That may have been her.

The "not ever allowed to be alone together before marriage" weirds me out too. Ex: one girl I read about has to be chaperoned at all times by her parents or a sibling until the wedding.

Not even that they want to be alone so they can have sex, but sometimes you might want to have an important marriage related conversation without other people around.

[christiangirl]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

I think there is something wrong with the actual purity balls themselves and not just with the people behind the purity balls. Therefore, I also think it is possible for there to be something wrong with certain types of purity pledges beyond just the people behind the purity pledges.

Fair enough.

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Is this a dad-daughter thing or just a concerned parent thing?

My other concerned parent was not a subject in the post so she was not mentioned. (Stereo)Typically, it is the father who would rather gouge his eyes out than think about his little girl having sex than the mother (or she hides her panic better, either one).

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

No, but the culture that has allowed the pledges, purity balls, and other such things to flourish thrives off of making sex something dirty or bad.

True at times.

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

The "not ever allowed to be alone together before marriage" weirds me out too. Ex: one girl I read about has to be chaperoned at all times by her parents or a sibling until the wedding.

This weekend, I found out this is what it was like for our pastor and his wife during the entire TWO YEARS of their relationship (2005-2007) before they were married. If they were ever alone together, his parents were constantly calling to ask when he was coming home because it's getting to be too late to be out with his girlfriend. I don't get that but it's not mine to get, I suppose.

So I'm back from my retreat with my "holy heathens" (who actually aren't that heatheny at all ) and I was shocked at how many of the older teen girls actually want to wait till marriage but didn't want to discuss it with their parents. One even said she wanted to buy a purity ring but didn't want her mom to know about it because of the huge deal her mom would make. I thought of this thread and asked if they felt pressure to keep the boys at bay like not having sex was only the girls' responsibility--the YES was epic. They didn't feel that message from the church but just from the world in general and were resentful. The girls felt that the decision to have sex or not have sex shouldn't be about their "responsibility as young ladies," but rather an independent decision--and whatever they choose should not be a reflection of everyone who has helped raise them but rather earn them respect as individuals who can make decisions for their own lives. That amount of decision-making and taking control of their own lives and behavior was way more impressive to me than the waiting itself. I was proud of them all.

I wish stuff like this was on TV. We were bantering about this till 2am and it would have made for GREAT ratings. These girls are hilarious.