How to motivate girls to go to social events!

[crescent&pearls]

Originally Posted by 33girl

You do realize these are parties for 18-21 year old people who often don't have a lot of money, right? And that the OP never identified herself as social chair?

You are right, 33 she did not identify herself as the social chair.

However, I think a lot of us have been to the kind of "mixer" I described..and we know why maybe only a third to maybe half of the girls in a sorority chapter will show up for a social with a fraternity. I know it comes as a shocker but not everyone joins a sorority just so they can throw down beers with the bros. Frat parties have their appeal but after you have stood around bored at a party where the girls outnumber the guys 3 to 1 more than once or twice, you're probably over it and will find other ways to spend your social time. We didn't have cell phones but I can remember more than a few parties my chapter went to trying to create better "relations" with a fraternity where I would have loved to have had angry birds to entertain me!

There was a time when having a mixer or exchange meant the guys provided the location and the alcohol, and the girls just showed up. Not so anymore. Risk management policies now require chapters to put a lot more advance effort into planning any event your organization sticks its name on, and since the girls now pick up a lot more of the tab, it's fair for them to set some expectations so that their money gets used to put on an event everyone can enjoy- including everyone who isn't drinking alcohol, which is too often the only thing that anyone puts effort into when it comes to planning a social event! It doesn't take a lot of money to put on a good social event, no matter what the age of the guests. It does take some creativity and good party 'host' skills.

[preciousjeni]

Lane swerving with a couple questions that have no relation to the OP's situation. Is it common to have alcohol at mixers? Also, what's the purpose of mixers between fraternities and sororities? I'm asking legitimately as I've never attended one.

[littleowl33]

Originally Posted by crescent&pearls

I know it comes as a shocker but not everyone joins a sorority just so they can throw down beers with the bros.

This.

A lot of the posts in this thread just rub me the wrong way (and I'm not talking about the bickering). I certainly understand that it's important for a chapter to have good relations with other GLOs on campus, but I'm getting a vibe from a lot of these posts that having fun with your sisters is secondary to pleasing fraternity men in order to maintain your chapter's social standing on campus. I wouldn't be interested in joining a group for which that was the priority, and I sure as hell wouldn't have been pleased if I was required to attend certain social events in order to keep up appearances.

I never missed a sorority date party or formal as an undergrad, and was at almost every sisterhood event - I figured that's what a large portion of my dues go towards, so why skip it? But I wouldn't begrudge someone who didn't go because it just wasn't her scene, or because she had work to do. And personally, I did skip a large portion of the mixers because they were just a matter of hanging out in a frat basement getting drunk. A) I don't drink, and B) I had (and have) a LTR with a guy in another fraternity and at least at my school, a big part of mixers WAS hooking up, so that wasn't something I was interested in.

So, back to the OP - I like the suggestion someone made that if a sister votes "Yes" to a social event, she is committed to being there. I would also offer a recommendation that one of our LCs made to us, which is to really reassess what sisters want to spend time and dues/money doing. We used to do a standard semester of 2 semi-formal date parties and 1 formal because that's what we thought we were supposed to do, and attendance wasn't fantastic. After digging a little deeper we tried mixing things up, with good results. We tried costume/themed date parties, which continue to be a big hit, and also tried some more fun, less formal venues. We also tried forgoing some date parties and using the funds for events for people who didn't just want to dance or drink - like laser tag, Six Flags, etc. We also experimented with some date dashes and having your sisters pick your date, both of which were miserable failures. Live and learn.

So, maybe try doing a secret ballot to see why people aren't interested in going to socials, and ask each girl to recommend 3 activities she'd like to do instead. Think outside the box - it's ok to do something low-key, off-beat and sans-alcohol, if that's what sisters want.

I come from a chapter that struggled with our campus image in the past, and having tons of formulaic social events no one goes to is not going to help anything. It's also likely to damage morale and your sisterhood if you base a sister's value on how "good" she makes the chapter look. Work on strengthening your sisterhood so that sisters actually want to go do things together, and the rest will follow. No one wants to hang out with or join a sorority in which no one seems to have any fun together.


TL; DR - Sisterhood and social activities shouldn't be dictated by what fraternities want or how you can better your image - that's not why anyone joins a sorority. Find out what your dues-paying members WOULD turn up for and do it.

[IndianaSigKap]

If the OP is part of a colony, as I gathered from the post, it could be that the chapter members are older. The majority of them could be 21 and at bars/clubs. I know that in my chapter, once members turned 21 they attended fewer Greek social events. Not sure if this could be part of the issue. And like the post above, quite possibly the social events aren't of that much interest to the members.

[DubaiSis]

There are a few things that concern me about this OP, beyond the incorrect use of apart. A new chapter should be filled to popping with girls who are super excited about everything the sorority has to offer. Burn out and lack of enthusiasm shouldn't arrive for years, especially if nationals is still actively involved in their day to day processes. First I'd say if you're having a mixer every weekend, you're probably over-scheduled. You don't have to say yes to every fraternity that asks. Second, I'd tell the girls to suck it up. When you pledged your sorority, you also joined a Greek System, and that means obligation to the whole campus. Again, suck it up. And if this colony or new chapter pledged a group of gals who have no interest in the social aspect of Greek life (which I find very perplexing) I think they may need to do some quick-fire adjustments to their MS.

[FSUZeta]

33, i am not up on social event protocol, i am the recruitment adviser, and i don't swerve into the domain of the day to day chapter function, unless needed :-) !

my best guess would be "it depends"-it depends on how the awards/punishment system is set up in the chapter-if it is in their bylaws that every member has to attend any socials/mixers/exchanges/whatever they call it for at least 30 minutes or an hour, then they have to. if they have a point system, then usually after they have met their points they are not obligated to attend anything else for the rest of the semester except mandatory things, and even if they have not met their points, they can pick and choose which events they attend, as long as they meet the point requirement by the deadline.

we need a lot more information before we can really help this young woman. maybe she will come back and let us know how many events(sisterhood, fundraisers, socials, dinners, etc.) the chapter has scheduled per week. she needs to tell us the type of social events she is referring to. she needs to let us know if they use a points system or fines, or nothing.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by FSUZeta

33, i am not up on social event protocol, i am the recruitment adviser, and i don't swerve into the domain of the day to day chapter function, unless needed :-) !

my best guess would be "it depends"-it depends on how the awards/punishment system is set up in the chapter-if it is in their bylaws that every member has to attend any socials/mixers/exchanges/whatever they call it for at least 30 minutes or an hour, then they have to. if they have a point system, then usually after they have met their points they are not obligated to attend anything else for the rest of the semester except mandatory things, and even if they have not met their points, they can pick and choose which events they attend, as long as they meet the point requirement by the deadline.

we need a lot more information before we can really help this young woman. maybe she will come back and let us know how many events(sisterhood, fundraisers, socials, dinners, etc.) the chapter has scheduled per week. she needs to tell us the type of social events she is referring to. she needs to let us know if they use a points system or fines, or nothing.

I think the larger problem is that it will be obvious to the fraternity men that the women don't want to be there.

[ZTAmazing13]

so a lot of people are saying I wasnt clear so heres some more info, our sophmore class all goes out, but we only have 15 in that class...but we have a huge junior class that refuses to go or do anything. We wont have pledges for another few months. And we have trouble getting these girls to go to anything!! including regular parties with frats that arent dry and it doesnt even matter which frat it is!! Some frats are refusing to party with us and the situation is just getting worse and worse ever day

[FSUZeta]

are these events where your chapter and a fraternity have a party? or are you meeting up with fraternity members at a bar? is it a designated chapter activity(on your calendar) or is it just sort of understood that you all will be at jack's bar on thursday night and the abc fraternity will be there too? how often are these get togethers? are the events mandatory?

have you talked to your officers or with the juniors to see what the deal is? do these juniors go to sisterhood events, fundraisers and philanthropy events? is it literally every junior that does not do the social thing?

does your chapter issue fines for non-participation in mandatory events or do you have a points system?

[southernbelle14]

Okay I have read this thread like five times. And, ZTAmazing, please tell me if I'm wrong, but what I gather is that these girls are not going out to bars or frat parties... is this correct? if this is right, STOP ASKING ABOUT MIXERS. No one really cares about mixers. The frats don't care anyway. They do care about their regular parties though. If these girls aren't going out, then the fraternities are going to know them as the boring antisocial girls. And they will not want to have mixers with them.
I suggest maybe inviting some of the juniors to dinner before a party. Maybe arrange a pregame somewhere and bug them about going. If they feel wanted they may be more likely to show up. Then have everyone go to the party together, including them. This might not work, but it's a possibility.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by southernbelle14

Okay I have read this thread like five times. And, ZTAmazing, please tell me if I'm wrong, but what I gather is that these girls are not going out to bars or frat parties... is this correct? if this is right, STOP ASKING ABOUT MIXERS. No one really cares about mixers. The frats don't care anyway. They do care about their regular parties though. If these girls aren't going out, then the fraternities are going to know them as the boring antisocial girls. And they will not want to have mixers with them.

If this is how things are at your school, fine.. but don't assume that's how it is everywhere. Trust me, many fraternities DO care when you don't show up to their mixers.

[southernbelle14]

Originally Posted by ASTalumna06

If this is how things are at your school, fine.. but don't assume that's how it is everywhere. Trust me, many fraternities DO care when you don't show up to their mixers.

Well, yes, if they show up they want the girls to show up. But in general, guys don't care if they never have mixers. They'd prefer to just have huge parties with as many girls as they can get.
And seriously, read her posts again. It never says mixers or date parties. it says PARTIES. When people say parties, they generally mean just that.

[WaterChild]

Originally Posted by southernbelle14

Well, yes, if they show up they want the girls to show up. But in general, guys don't care if they never have mixers. They'd prefer to just have huge parties with as many girls as they can get.
And seriously, read her posts again. It never says mixers or date parties. it says PARTIES. When people say parties, they generally mean just that.

So, you know what ALL guys want, at all types of schools, all over the country? Campus cultures vary.

[southernbelle14]

Just adding something off topic here.

Do you all realize how hateful and mean spirited you sound? I am completely aware that I do not say everything in the nicest tone, but in general I do not start out completely attacking you. When I, or anyone for that matter, say anything that you do not agree with , the immediate response never seems to be to try debating it civilly. It turns to "oh so i guess you know everything don't you" or something along the lines of 33's comment.
There are girls who are reading this site who are not yet in sororities. They may be reading this at some point thinking "wow, so if i say something they don't like in a sorority, they're going to completely attack me." And what makes it worse is that many of these comments are coming from alums. Grown ass women who should know better and have the patience and decency to at least be civil about everything.
I am 20 years old. I'm a college student who is still trying to figure everything out. I am not the most patient person in the world, nor the most polite. But I have throughout my life improved in both areas. I see what people on this site post to me and to others and it is extremely disheartening. I begin to wonder if it was a good decision to get involved in the greek community. Maybe all the movies about sorority women are right? Maybe they are all dramatic and hateful and never grow out of it.
If I said something in a rude way and someone was to respond politely pointing out that I came across as rude, I would absolutely, without hesitation, respond in an equally polite way and apologize profusely for appearing rude.
None of you know me, and my general way of speaking and my bluntness can seem rude over a computer when it would seem more light hearted in person. I don't even notice it most of the time, so if it is pointed out nicely I will fix it.
Maybe someone will respond accordingly next time they are offended by someone's post.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by southernbelle14

Just adding something off topic here.

Do you all realize how hateful and mean spirited you sound? I am completely aware that I do not say everything in the nicest tone, but in general I do not start out completely attacking you. When I, or anyone for that matter, say anything that you do not agree with , the immediate response never seems to be to try debating it civilly. It turns to "oh so i guess you know everything don't you" or something along the lines of 33's comment.
There are girls who are reading this site who are not yet in sororities. They may be reading this at some point thinking "wow, so if i say something they don't like in a sorority, they're going to completely attack me." And what makes it worse is that many of these comments are coming from alums. Grown ass women who should know better and have the patience and decency to at least be civil about everything.
I am 20 years old. I'm a college student who is still trying to figure everything out. I am not the most patient person in the world, nor the most polite. But I have throughout my life improved in both areas. I see what people on this site post to me and to others and it is extremely disheartening. I begin to wonder if it was a good decision to get involved in the greek community. Maybe all the movies about sorority women are right? Maybe they are all dramatic and hateful and never grow out of it.
If I said something in a rude way and someone was to respond politely pointing out that I came across as rude, I would absolutely, without hesitation, respond in an equally polite way and apologize profusely for appearing rude.
None of you know me, and my general way of speaking and my bluntness can seem rude over a computer when it would seem more light hearted in person. I don't even notice it most of the time, so if it is pointed out nicely I will fix it.
Maybe someone will respond accordingly next time they are offended by someone's post.

You said all guys don't care about mixers. A couple people told you that's not true everywhere. Then you said you know what "average college guys" want and said we live in a fantasy world, and continued to try and justify the fact that what applies at your school (and the ones your friends attend) applies everywhere.

And WE'RE the mean ones.. O..k...