Closing the door after the horses bolted

[DubaiSis]

Your argument about out of state status is false. We have run studies (actual numbers) and the number of oos girls getting bids EXCEEDS in state girls. That is for 2 big SEC schools where the common thinking matched yours. And the oos status didn't mean yeah they weren't from Alabama, but they WERE all from Texas. Or whichever state. It was remarkably diverse geographically.

Yes, recruitment is crazy competitive on these campuses and some are trying to expand, but that has to be done gently or both the new and existing chapters will suffer. In my (utterly without scientific basis) opinion, even the most overcrowded, overly competitive school shouldn't expand more than once every 3 years. And that's a long time if you're a freshman at a school where sophomores have an even tougher go of it than freshmen.

And for the umpteenth time, your daughter failed the system, not the reverse. She had a choice and she declined it. The problem isn't the system; it's your daughter. You're looking for the magical answer that makes your daughter have a better outcome. Ask the (how many on this campus, 100? 200?) girls who legitimately did get cut from every single chapter if they think your daughter got screwed by the system.

[AlphaFrog]

OP, I'm glad you recognized that you're venting, because that's really all you ARE doing. We are well aware that the system isn't perfect and would have worked more in your snowflake's favor if this, that, and the other. But she played the cards she was given and lost - well, folded actually. Time to find a new game.

[MaggieXi]

This thought often pops into my head when I read these stories: Is your daughter really heartbroken/devastated/end of the world depressed over an unsuccessful recruitment. Or, are the moms only hearing about it and not seeing that after they get off the phone with daughter, she goes to lunch with a friend or an event with her roomate and is completely fine and happy?

When I went through recruitment I only called my mom to cry about the sororities that cut me, that it was "the end of the world" if I didn't get to pref XYZ. In reality, I was really fine. Yes, I was a little shaken and disappointed, but I was making friends and doing things and my mom still thought I was sitting alone in my room crying about me thinking that a whole group of people didn't like me.

Eventually in a conversation with my mom, she either caught on that I was only being miserable to her because I could be or she was tired of my wallowing in my own self pity. She told me basically to put my big girl panties on, get over it, move on or that she was coming down to withdraw me from school because clearly I was depressed. This was a wake up call to me to stop emotionally dumping on my mother because it was not fair to her at all because it was not reality.

I ended up not preffing the sorority that I thought I "belonged" on or the one that even dirty rushed me. I ended up preffing one sorority that in my 18 year old brain I was too good for and one that I thought was a just "ok" and ended up being very very happy in the organization I received a bid from.

So what I am saying is before moms come here and start complaining about a system that has gotten increasingly better, find out if your daughter is really ok and moving on with her life or is severely depressed. If she is depressed, there are other issues going on. Greek life is not the end all be all of anyones college career.

[amIblue?]

Originally Posted by MaggieXi

This thought often pops into my head when I read these stories: Is your daughter really heartbroken/devastated/end of the world depressed over an unsuccessful recruitment. Or, are the moms only hearing about it and not seeing that after they get off the phone with daughter, she goes to lunch with a friend or an event with her roomate and is completely fine and happy?

When I went through recruitment I only called my mom to cry about the sororities that cut me, that it was "the end of the world" if I didn't get to pref XYZ. In reality, I was really fine. Yes, I was a little shaken and disappointed, but I was making friends and doing things and my mom still thought I was sitting alone in my room crying about me thinking that a whole group of people didn't like me.

Eventually in a conversation with my mom, she either caught on that I was only being miserable to her because I could be or she was tired of my wallowing in my own self pity. She told me basically to put my big girl panties on, get over it, move on or that she was coming down to withdraw me from school because clearly I was depressed. This was a wake up call to me to stop emotionally dumping on my mother because it was not fair to her at all because it was not reality.

I ended up not preffing the sorority that I thought I "belonged" on or the one that even dirty rushed me. I ended up preffing one sorority that in my 18 year old brain I was too good for and one that I thought was a just "ok" and ended up being very very happy in the organization I received a bid from.

So what I am saying is before moms come here and start complaining about a system that has gotten increasingly better, find out if your daughter is really ok and moving on with her life or is severely depressed. If she is depressed, there are other issues going on. Greek life is not the end all be all of anyones college career.

Yes. This. And This. And This.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by MaggieXi

This thought often pops into my head when I read these stories: Is your daughter really heartbroken/devastated/end of the world depressed over an unsuccessful recruitment. Or, are the moms only hearing about it and not seeing that after they get off the phone with daughter, she goes to lunch with a friend or an event with her roomate and is completely fine and happy?

When I went through recruitment I only called my mom to cry about the sororities that cut me, that it was "the end of the world" if I didn't get to pref XYZ. In reality, I was really fine. Yes, I was a little shaken and disappointed, but I was making friends and doing things and my mom still thought I was sitting alone in my room crying about me thinking that a whole group of people didn't like me.

Eventually in a conversation with my mom, she either caught on that I was only being miserable to her because I could be or she was tired of my wallowing in my own self pity. She told me basically to put my big girl panties on, get over it, move on or that she was coming down to withdraw me from school because clearly I was depressed. This was a wake up call to me to stop emotionally dumping on my mother because it was not fair to her at all because it was not reality.

I ended up not preffing the sorority that I thought I "belonged" on or the one that even dirty rushed me. I ended up preffing one sorority that in my 18 year old brain I was too good for and one that I thought was a just "ok" and ended up being very very happy in the organization I received a bid from.

So what I am saying is before moms come here and start complaining about a system that has gotten increasingly better, find out if your daughter is really ok and moving on with her life or is severely depressed. If she is depressed, there are other issues going on. Greek life is not the end all be all of anyones college career.

Hi, I love you.

[AnchorAlumna]

Originally Posted by MaggieXi

This thought often pops into my head when I read these stories: Is your daughter really heartbroken/devastated/end of the world depressed over an unsuccessful recruitment. Or, are the moms only hearing about it and not seeing that after they get off the phone with daughter, she goes to lunch with a friend or an event with her roomate and is completely fine and happy?

Oh, yes yes yes.
DD called me one day, crying and practically screaming about some horrible problem that had no solution (not sorority, class stuff). I agonized for 24 hours trying to think of a way to help her.
Finally I called to ask her if she was OK, and she said, "Oh yeah, I figured that out." And went on to chat happily about what she and her boyfriend were going to do that night.

Kids. God bless 'em.