advise for daughter who resigned after 3rd round

[Gusteau]

Originally Posted by SWTXBelle

Judging from the op's post - Daughter voluntarily dropped out because "she did not get invites back to any houses she felt comfortable in". She was not dropped. Despite the fact that "enjoyed every other sorority! that would be 14 of them", she chose not to continue in recruitment.

And while the posts may strike you as judgmental, let me say that they reflect many sorority members' reaction to pnms dropping out of recruitment. She has missed an opportunity, and the harsh reality is that she may not have another chance. Or she might. We don't know. Her chances are certainly much slimmer now. If she had her heart set on a chapter which does not cob, she has no chance now.

You can't handle the truth.

The advice to give your daughter? - Inquire about informal recruitment, go in with an open mind, and if it doesn't work out take advantage of the numerous other opportunities on campus.

eta - Please don't play the "If sorority women are like this then my daughter is better off without them!" card. That's so last year.

This is all I have to contribute to this thread: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-yB7J7DYi6M

#tooeasy

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by SWTXBelle

Judging from the op's post - Daughter voluntarily dropped out because "she did not get invites back to any houses she felt comfortable in". She was not dropped. Despite the fact that "enjoyed every other sorority! that would be 14 of them", she chose not to continue in recruitment.

And while the posts may strike you as judgmental, let me say that they reflect many sorority members' reaction to pnms dropping out of recruitment. She has missed an opportunity, and the harsh reality is that she may not have another chance. Or she might. We don't know. Her chances are certainly much slimmer now. If she had her heart set on a chapter which does not cob, she has no chance now.

You can't handle the truth.

And all I have to add is to note that this response comes from SWTXBelle, hardly one of the snarkier sharks around here.

[AZTheta]

OP, we do not have all the facts of your daughter's recruitment experiences.

It is a fact that we do not discuss membership selection on Greek Chat. Knowing that fact should tell you that the answers for what happened are private and will not be divulged outside the confines of each Auburn sorority's walls.

It's really impossible for us to offer you any words of advice other than this: have your daughter follow up with the Auburn Greek Life Office regarding opportunities for informal recruitment, or COR.

Personally, I believe that everything happens for a purpose and that ultimately that purpose is for good. This is difficult to internalize when one is suffering or in pain, however, it's a lesson that took with me and has kept me sane through all the insane times.

[katydidKD]

[QUOTE=hmills2;2081418]My name is Helen and my daughter did not get a bid at Auburn. She is crushed as am I./QUOTE]

Originally Posted by hmills2

My daughter went through rush at Auburn this year and it did not go well.

She is a cute girl with a lot of friends and from out of state. By the last day she had two choices left and she disliked both of them so she decided to withdraw rather than getting a bid from one she did not want to join or getting shut out completely.

It was very hard on her. Part of her vision of college is being in a sorority and she is very much the "sorority type". All of hers and our friends are very suprised that she did not get into a sorority. Even worse, every one of her close friends got in a good sorority as did all the girls from her HS. It has really been a bad week for her.

Classes began yesterday and she is doing a good job of looking forward and anticipating other activities/organizations. She has already applied to an organization and it would be great for her if she gets into it. The oncoming stress of classes will distract her from thinking about it, too.

In the meantime she has registered her name for COB and is doing her best to get the word out that she is interested. The chances are slim, but it's the best option right now. As time goes on the shock and disappointment of fall rush will lessen and she will be ok and hopefully she might get a bid someday.

We already responded to this poster. Your daughter ruined her chances when she was too good for two sororities.

[Daddy Fratstar]

I know this is cold comfort, but I am being told by some fairly sophisticated observers (i.e., upperclass AU fraternity men), that this year's PNM pool and pledge classes are deeper and stronger than in anyone's memory.

[als463]

Here's the first bit of advice: Learn the difference between "advice" and "advise" if you are going to start a thread. Here's some more advice, if your daughter thought she was too good for the sororities that didn't make her feel "comfortable" or "make her heart sing" (I will NEVER get over that ridiculous excuse--in case anyone has noticed), then she did the various organizations at Auburn a service when she chose to drop. Auburn is full of incredibly intelligent and beautiful girls with very impressive resumes/ grades. I'm willing to bet that the "lesser" or "lower-tiered" sororities have INCREDIBLE ladies in their chapters that your unique snowflake thought she was too good for.

[SWTXBelle]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

And all I have to add is to note that this response comes from SWTXBelle, hardly one of the snarkier sharks around here.

I have my snarky moments, but then I am overcome with shame and have to do penance by starting a non-snarky thread.

[Titchou]

Keep in mind that the ones she didn't want WANTED HER. And now that she's tossed them in the weeds, they will possibly not be inclined to give her another chance. And they are most likely her only options for COB....

[DubaiSis]

There was no chapter at AU who was inviting every girl in desperation to get SOMEBODY. If she was on a list it was with intention.

I'd love to see a system where the chapters are advised that these girls have been cut completely. Can you reconsider inviting them again? If she wasn't actually cut, but just not high enough on the list, maybe a chapter or two would make an exception. Of course this would have to be done without the knowledge of the rushee, and maybe would open an ugly can of worms, but maybe it would keep a handful of hearts from being broken. I can see a chapter inviting back 5 more girls, spread out over all of their parties, and nobody knows the difference. What would be interesting to see is if that girl, cut completely, might suddenly have a full schedule because everyone from her previous days says, sure, we'd love to have her again.
Am I being ridiculous? (I mean about this particular topic. I know I'm ridiculous otherwise)

[kddani]

Originally Posted by XOcarnation

call the Greek Life office and put her name in for COB.

Correction. Daughter should do that herself.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by DubaiSis

There was no chapter at AU who was inviting every girl in desperation to get SOMEBODY. If she was on a list it was with intention.

I'd love to see a system where the chapters are advised that these girls have been cut completely. Can you reconsider inviting them again? If she wasn't actually cut, but just not high enough on the list, maybe a chapter or two would make an exception. Of course this would have to be done without the knowledge of the rushee, and maybe would open an ugly can of worms, but maybe it would keep a handful of hearts from being broken. I can see a chapter inviting back 5 more girls, spread out over all of their parties, and nobody knows the difference. What would be interesting to see is if that girl, cut completely, might suddenly have a full schedule because everyone from her previous days says, sure, we'd love to have her again.
Am I being ridiculous? (I mean about this particular topic. I know I'm ridiculous otherwise)

I think you should start a separate thread on this. It's also weird to me to think that there are systems where NO chapter is eligible to COB, ever.

[katydidKD]

Originally Posted by DubaiSis

I'd love to see a system where the chapters are advised that these girls have been cut completely. Can you reconsider inviting them again? If she wasn't actually cut, but just not high enough on the list, maybe a chapter or two would make an exception. Of course this would have to be done without the knowledge of the rushee, and maybe would open an ugly can of worms, but maybe it would keep a handful of hearts from being broken. I can see a chapter inviting back 5 more girls, spread out over all of their parties, and nobody knows the difference. What would be interesting to see is if that girl, cut completely, might suddenly have a full schedule because everyone from her previous days says, sure, we'd love to have her again.
Am I being ridiculous? (I mean about this particular topic. I know I'm ridiculous otherwise)

No you are not being ridiculous, Panhellenic at my school did this, I was actually surprised it isn't common at other schools.

[AlphaFrog]

Threads like this are no fun when the OP doesn't come back several times to complain what big meanies we are.

[LaneSig]

Originally Posted by DubaiSis

There was no chapter at AU who was inviting every girl in desperation to get SOMEBODY. If she was on a list it was with intention.

I'd love to see a system where the chapters are advised that these girls have been cut completely. Can you reconsider inviting them again? If she wasn't actually cut, but just not high enough on the list, maybe a chapter or two would make an exception. Of course this would have to be done without the knowledge of the rushee, and maybe would open an ugly can of worms, but maybe it would keep a handful of hearts from being broken. I can see a chapter inviting back 5 more girls, spread out over all of their parties, and nobody knows the difference. What would be interesting to see is if that girl, cut completely, might suddenly have a full schedule because everyone from her previous days says, sure, we'd love to have her again.
Am I being ridiculous? (I mean about this particular topic. I know I'm ridiculous otherwise)

According to a story that Carnation shared in the "Weird Rush Stories" thread, Auburn used to have the policy that pnms who got completely cut were given invitations to a couple of chapters. Maybe Carnation can come on and give a better explanation.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by LaneSig

According to a story that Carnation shared in the "Weird Rush Stories" thread, Auburn used to have the policy that pnms who got completely cut were given invitations to a couple of chapters. Maybe Carnation can come on and give a better explanation.

The problem with the concept DubaiSis laid out is it gets twisted. Panhels start overriding chapters' membership selection decisions and pushing women who were released FOR LEGIT REASONS into parties, and it's usually the less popular chapters who are the lucky receptacles. They feel sorry for the girls (because they're in a similar situation on a group level) and maybe give them bids because of that - which just drives away the more desirable PNMs and sends the chapter even further downward.

Yes it sucks that girls get cut completely, but if Panhel wants to butt in, they should have a pre-rush weekend that pulls no punches about RFM and heavy cuts. The problem arises when women aren't told to expect the worst along with hoping for the best.

ETA: As Titchou said below, the individual groups do always have this option of going back and saying "wow, we screwed up cutting her, let's have her back." I just believe that it should come from the group, and not as a nudge/suggestion/dictate from Panhellenic.