Cheating Men

[sistarisin]

Originally posted by sistarisin
I'll first tell you all a story and then I'll close with my point.

I had a child with a man prior to marrying him. We married, five months into our marriage I received pictures from a woman that he'd had a child with. I didn't know about the woman nor did I know about the child. I've left alot of information out but those are the basic facts.

POINT: The bigger picture here Professor, is that you're about to make a COMMITTMENT for life. I beg of you to really analyze what it is besides the urges of your penis to put you in the situation where you've cheated on your fiance. It is my firm opinion that there is a problem if not within your relationship than with you. If you cannot adhere to a monogamous relationship now, what will be your foundation for being committed after marriage?

Outside of thinking about what you lack internally to make a lifetime commitment to a woman. I'd also urge you to think of the bigger issues to look at outside of your 'indiscretion'. I don't know how long ago this 'indiscretion' was; but,what if you impregnated this woman?

In my situation, I wasn't given the choice to make a decision about a man who'd not only cheated but had a child outside of our relationship. I accepted him and this child for two years. Unfortunately, this man was not able to take responsibility for his 'transgression'. He blamed the issues that were going on in our relationship rather than taking ownership for what he'd done (the act of cheating). I could have gotten past the cheating if he had taken ownership but what made it worst in our situation is that he began our marriage on a big fat lie.

So get over the 'Oh chit, I cheated'. Think about why you did it and what's the possible backwash from the act.

Just some food for thought!

And I still must humbly urge the Professor to consider what I posted 3 pages ago! He never commented (guess he didn't feel it had merit). Regardless of that, I most urgently and strongly beseech you to dig within and really consider what more serious problems are underlying. To me, your cheating is really the persistent 'cough' that someone with lung cancer has. Beneath that cough is a truly life-threatening disease.

Think about it and more importantly "Pray" about it. Please don't allow yourself to get in your own way!

[RedefinedDiva]

Professor,

You said in one of your most recent posts that, (and I quote) "Love does not instantly end when faced with trials." If you believe this to be try, why don't you admit your "indiscretion" to your soon-to-be wife? Why not face this trial WITH her and give HER the opportunity to decide on HER future with you? This may make your love go stronger. IMO, I think that you are insecure about losing her. Maybe you feel that your relationship is not strong enough to withstand this trial. If you REALLY feel that your love is strong enough to spend the rest of your life with her, you should respect her enough to inform her and let her decide where things should go. Love is supposed to be a 50/50 partnership, not a dictatorship.

[thesweetestone]

I can't believe I just spent a whole hour and then some reading this whole thread.

Personally think it better to be honest.

I never been in love, but I don't think I could cheat on someone I really loved. Then lie and decieve them. It would kill me to stand in their face everyday knowing I betrayed them.

[Desery]

I have to say I really don't agree.

My husband hired a local girl to help in the store and this is the kind of girl that doesn't care if a man is attatched or not. I even warned him about hiring this particular girl and he did it anyways.

As soon as he hired her our relationship went straight south. I knew what was going on but had no proof even a mutual friend of ours was trying to tell me what was going on, and of course as a life long partner this is something you just don't want to beleive.

And to top it all off he even forced me to be friends with this girl, no way in hell that was going to happen!!

When your wife is pregnant and your husband chooses to stay out till 6 in the morning what is a woman suppose to think???!!! That he is being faithful, that he is working?? Ummmm, don't think so.

My husband plain out lied to me for over a year and was still in denial when letters, emails, testimonials and pictures were thrown in his face!!

So don't try to tell me that men can not control themselves, men put themselves in the situation even when they know what will come of it.

[GHOST_WOLF]

I truly believe (as a man), everything has to have its purpose. Your relationship has to have a sound purpose and meaning to you or you will be curious because we men are logical creatures. Now this is where the problem comes in. Men are logical creatures and women are emotional (no disrespect). Because of this, we are on two different fields when it comes to temptation and I've come to understand that the reason a woman baits and gets a man is because she plays on that aspect of him that he denies or doesn't even realize exists. So there's no boundary in that emotional area and it causes a man to fall. However, that does not justify a man's actions for cheating it just makes an attempt to explain it. As a man I just simply learn that when I'm in a relationship I need to put up boundaries around me and not make any "new" female friends. Also, not to place myself in situations where I feel that I may become tempted to do something out of the ordinary.

Now to answer the original post...

Professor has a valid point. Damn near any woman can get a man with the right set of tools. Especially if she catches him at the right moment. That is why I choose to avoid those moments and stay away from those with those tools when I'm committed or working on a relationship.

[Desery]

My point is he knew what was going to come out of just hiring her as they have had a relationship before. The previous relationship happened when I was on a trip and while I was gone a friend of mine told me what was going on and of course I didn't beleive him.

So he deliberately put himself in the situation.

I guess I should have and ended the relationship then.

[GHOST_WOLF]

Originally posted by Desery
My point is he knew what was going to come out of just hiring her as they have had a relationship before. The previous relationship happened when I was on a trip and while I was gone a friend of mine told me what was going on and of course I didn't beleive him.

So he deliberately put himself in the situation.

I guess I should have and ended the relationship then.

I feel you...

My response wasn't directed towards you... However, I did read your testimony. I truly apologize for what happened to you and yours. He put himself in that situation and he compromised his boundaries. Some people don't realize that because you have someone it doesn't mean that you can start allowing others to come into your life because they already "know" about your situation. Hell, nowadays... Married men get the most ass. It's a sad reality. My heart goes out to you though. You'll get someone better if you haven't already.

[PrettyBoy]

I think men have cheated for so long that a lot of women are jumping on the band wagon. They cheat too. Men as a whole are viewed as dogs and cheaters, which isn't true. I've never cheated on anyone I've been with. I could have, but I didn't. I've been accused of cheating, but those women that accused me were insecure with themselves anyway. To me it's just not cool, to cheat on someone that really cares about you.

Old thread but interesting.

[sigmadiva]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

I think men have cheated for so long that a lot of women are jumping on the band wagon. They cheat too. Men as a whole are viewed as dogs and cheaters, which isn't true. I've never cheated on anyone I've been with. I could have, but I didn't. I've been accused of cheating, but those women that accused me were insecure with themselves anyway. To me it's just not cool, to cheat on someone that really cares about you.

Old thread but interesting.

Okay, then maybe you can explain some numbers to me.

If men have cheated for so long, then who have they been cheating with? Other men? Or women?

I say/ask this because for all the number of men who have been cheating, aren't there the same number of women who are cheating with those men? Therefore, how can women [just start] 'jumping on the bandwagon', as you say? Unless, there are more men on the 'DL'?.


This has been kind of a pet peeve issue with me. To say that ''men have always cheated", then they have to be going out with someone to cheat with. This would imply that for every man cheating there is a woman cheating too, so it's not really a 'new' thing for a woman to cheat.

[06pilot]

Originally Posted by sigmadiva

Okay, then maybe you can explain some numbers to me.

If men have cheated for so long, then who have they been cheating with? Other men? Or women?

I say/ask this because for all the number of men who have been cheating, aren't there the same number of women who are cheating with those men? Therefore, how can women [just start] 'jumping on the bandwagon', as you say? Unless, there are more men on the 'DL'?.


This has been kind of a pet peeve issue with me. To say that ''men have always cheated", then they have to be going out with someone to cheat with. This would imply that for every man cheating there is a woman cheating too, so it's not really a 'new' thing for a woman to cheat.

Because when they talk about men cheating they mean on their spouse. The woman may not have a spuse therefore she is not cheating on anyone if she is single herself

[sigmadiva]

Originally Posted by 06pilot

Because when they talk about men cheating they mean on their spouse. The woman may not have a spuse therefore she is not cheating on anyone if she is single herself

Well, then someone should tell all those people who are in relationships, but are not married, just dating, that they are not 'cheating' when they step out on their mate. So, what is it called when people are dating?

And, don't fool yourself....women play the field too when they are married, single, or dating.

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by 06pilot

Because when they talk about men cheating they mean on their spouse. The woman may not have a spuse therefore she is not cheating on anyone if she is single herself

That's what I was about to say. You beat me to it.

I'll add this too, yes women have always cheated but not like men. More women cheat on their husbands now than ever before. That's what I meant by jumping on the band wagon.

[sigmadiva]

Huh? So PB and 06, are you all saying that it is only considered cheating if the man is married? So, if the man is not married, but is in a serious dating relationship then it is not cheating? And, how is a woman's cheating different than a man's? If a man is out there cheating with a woman is she not just as guilty of the act as the man?

I get the impression that you all are implying that a man's cheating is somehow different than if a woman cheats.

I think somewhere in your argument there is a double standard.

[nonchalant]

This thread is off the chain. Honestly and technically, I've cheated on everybody I've been with. I have also told them all too with the exception of one. However, he still ended up finding out. Karma is a B. They all still wanted to be with me too. I was like wow. I ended up breaking off the relationships cuz there is no need in being some place you aren't happy/content. Basically, honesty is the best policy. I've grown and learned that I'd rather be single than to put anyone through anything of that sort. If I'm dating someone, I cut it off immediately if I'm not feeling it. In the words of X-Scape, "Everybody cheats. But you gotta know how. You gotta know when. You gotta know why...." Actually, I don't believe everyone cheats. Just place yourself in the other person's shoes, pray about it, and follow your morals. That way, you'll always come out with the right choice/answer. Yall letting dude have it, lol.

BTW, sigmadiva, you are too funny.

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by sigmadiva

Huh? So PB and 06, are you all saying that it is only considered cheating if the man is married? So, if the man is not married, but is in a serious dating relationship then it is not cheating? And, how is a woman's cheating different than a man's? If a man is out there cheating with a woman is she not just as guilty of the act as the man?

I get the impression that you all are implying that a man's cheating is somehow different than if a woman cheats.

I think somewhere in your argument there is a double standard.

Sounds like that to me too. Usually PB's post are negative anyway.