Greek Romantic Troubles.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by prettyv

Thank you. I genuinely appreciate your advice. I think all of you are probably right about a lot of things. I do, however, put a huge amount of effort and stock into my letters and my fraternity, so that's a little unfair to say.

You are right, though, that I am very immature when it comes to relationships. I readily admit that, and know I have a lot to learn, and a lot of growing up to do in that regard.

You're quite reflective and responsive so you aren't the most immature person I've ever met or read on GC. Give yourself some credit as you did when defending the effort you put into your own fraternity.

BTW, thanks for removing the entertainment potential of this thread.

[aephi alum]

Put his fraternity aside for the moment. Set aside the fact that you are not currently entitled to wear his fraternity's letters.

Do you love him?

That's the question that you need to answer. Do you love him for all that he is - or do you just "love" him because he's a member of XYZ fraternity and you want to be able to wear his letters?

You have made the commitment to moving in together. That's a huge commitment. You don't just move in with someone you don't have feelings for.

Now, if you're really so hung up on being entitled to wear his letters... he can inquire with his fraternity about whether he can lavalier you after he's lavaliered someone else, or whether he can pin you, or whether you can wear his letters after you're engaged or married (if your relationship progresses to that point). Different fraternities have different policies.

[prettyv]

Originally Posted by aephi alum

That's the question that you need to answer. Do you love him for all that he is - or do you just "love" him because he's a member of XYZ fraternity and you want to be able to wear his letters?

To answer this, no, this would never be a deal breaker.

[AZTheta]

Originally Posted by prettyv

Sorry. Let me try again.

U guyz are so unfair. We are soooooooo IN LOVE, and you don't get it. His letters look much nicer on a sweatshirt than mine

(And I don't think there are prettier letters than the ones you wear, FWIW!)

Originally Posted by prettyv

I do appreciate your honestly, everyone, even when it stung. My sisters are amazing women with a lot of admirable qualities.... tough love is not one of them.

Sometimes tough love is exactly what we all need. When I was a teenager, my father once said "you can tell AzTheta anything, as long as it isn't the truth." Boy did that ever sting, but I grew immensely from that comment. He pointed out that I was impossible when I didn't hear what I wanted to hear. Now, *shrug*, I roll with most punches. I grew up, thankfully.

Originally Posted by DrPhil

I like prettyv.

Good luck to you and yours.

Ditto.

[prettyv]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

BTW, thanks for removing the entertainment potential of this thread.

Sorry. Let me try again.

U guyz are so unfair. We are soooooooo IN LOVE, and you don't get it. His letters look much nicer on a sweatshirt than mine


But honestly:
To answer some of the curiosity/logistic questions, there's no "you can only lavalier once" rule in the house, but I there is skepticism. They're fairly selective about what girls they let wear their letters. Most girls are ones who it's obvious that there is a serious future between them. Also, he hasn't ASKED his brothers, it's just obvious to the both of us that there would be at least SOME resistance. Which is absolutely fair. I wouldn't want every girl who claimed to be in love in my fraternity to be able to give our letters to guys. I understand that.

The part I have trouble with is where I am inexperienced. It's not so much about the letters as the fact that he's been in love before, and there's tangible evidence of that? It's hard for me to fathom, but I am pretty bad at relationships/love in general.

I do appreciate your honestly, everyone, even when it stung. My sisters are amazing women with a lot of admirable qualities.... tough love is not one of them.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by prettyv

The part I have trouble with is where I am inexperienced. It's not so much about the letters as the fact that he's been in love before, and there's tangible evidence of that? It's hard for me to fathom, but I am pretty bad at relationships/love in general.

The reality is that this is something you're just going to have learn to live with and deal with, so now is as good a time as any. You can't undo history -- he was in love with someone else. He's not now, but that past experience is (probably) part of what made him who you love now. As long as he's not being insensitive about earlier relationships, accept them for what they were and move on.

As far as his letters go, tell him as long as you have him that's all you care about and don't mention the letters again. If he decides to bring it up with his brothers, that's his business and his decision.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by prettyv

The part I have trouble with is where I am inexperienced. It's not so much about the letters as the fact that he's been in love before, and there's tangible evidence of that? It's hard for me to fathom, but I am pretty bad at relationships/love in general.

Some people are in love a zillion times in their life. Some only once. The one who is in love only once isn't necessarily "more" in love than the zillion-timer.

If anything, thank his whiny ex. She taught him a good lesson - don't cave about important things because it might really screw you down the line.